“Here. Totally non-poisonous food ready to be eaten. Happy?”

“You're hungry, aren't you? Well, eat this.”

“So, if I might inquire, what is a delicate flower of effervescence doing in such a locale?”

“How rude. My advanced lexicon and diction is merely a result of my education, not a façade that—”

“Fine. I suppose there's no use attempting to impress anyone who actually has the rudiments of an education. But my question remains: what's a young g—woman like you doing out here alone?”

“Lost? It takes quite some skill to wander this far into the Floodplains. Or are you a local? I very much doubt you are, though.”

“This area is known as the Floodplains of Liscor. It's because of a lovely natural phenomenon of the geography and—but you aren't from here, if you don't know about this area. But I would have guessed as much since you are Human. As far as I can tell.”

“The locals don't like Humans that much. Which is a fact anyone in a hundred miles would know. This is the border to the Drake lands to the south. But you…didn't know that, did you?”

“How'd you guess? Actually, you're only half-right, but how'd you guess?”

“Thanks, I guess. But if it's so lousy—and it is, I totally know—why are you here?”

“Yes, you. I told you why I'm here. What's a raggedy mage doing scaring people for food?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Like pretending to be a horrible monster?”

“I suppose one does. Does it make you feel good, stealing from innocent people?”

“Maybe not. But then again, the only two I've met were quite polite, paid for their meal, and didn't try to threaten me when I first met them. Whereas the first Human I met was you.”

“Here.”

“Ah, but money is so…mundane. Where would the enjoyment in life be without variety?”

“Only on occasion. And I quite understand your irate feelings. However, since I believe all is settled, I shall just…”

“Well, if you have no further need of me…I did pay for my misdeeds, after all. Rather handsomely, I might add, given that no harm was actually done except to my person. So I won't intrude any fu—”

“Yeah. It's food.”

“What are you talking about? I'm giving you food. Are you allergic to the color blue or something?”

“...Want one?”

“I suppose the toxicity would be acceptable if it were just the fruit. Well then.”

“My thanks.”

“Are you trying to sound impressive or do you actually talk like that?”

“Stop it. You sound like an idiot.”

“You truly didn't? Well, well. A traveller who doesn't know anything about where she is…teleportation spell? Amnesia magic?”

“It's common. Well, not common exactly, but it's the only explanation I can think of. Back in the Academy…it was not an unheard of phenomenon. I suppose you could have also been carried off by one of the local avian species, but they tend to drop their prey and chew their bones.”

“And you're an expert on [Teleportation] spells? I see.”

“...Perhaps.”

“Really? You just turned a corner and you were in a completely different place?”

“Fascinating. That has to be a very high-level phenomenon or artifact. Seamless teleportation without any visual cues and even sensation at that range? Not even our Archmages could…fascinating indeed.”

“No, no. I have no clue what kind of magic would be capable of that, if any. That sounds like a spell which—well, suffice it to say I know of only a few living mages who might even attempt such a feat. But if you were the target, it still makes no sense. Why would anyone waste such a powerful spell on someone as mundane as…as…”

“Yes, well. I see you've established yourself quite nicely. This is—is quite a lovely establishment you've founded. Very quaint.”

“Indeed. That is quite often the case. However, you seem to have taken to it well. This area is inhospitable to most Humans.”

“Me?”

“My physical appearance has nothing to do with—”

“I, ah, came here to expand my horizons. This part of the continent—well, the local collection of city-states are quite hospitable to those people trying to avoid undue attention. Besides, food is plentiful if one has certain skills.”

“One does what one must to survive.”

“You would not be so quick to judge if you knew more about the people you're defending. Especially this city.”

“I see I've overstayed my welcome. Well, your meal was quite adequate, good Mistress. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude.”

“Me? Oh, I'm Erin. Erin Solstice. And you are?”

“Take them. You look thin, and maybe if you eat them you'll stop bothering other people. Thank you for your business. Come by again and I'll feed you. Try to scare me and I'll hit you harder next time.”

“It occurs to me that I never asked your name.”

“Pisces, practitioner of magic, student of Wistram Academy, specialized in the Elementalist and Illusionary schools of magic with additional competencies in multiple spell schools.”

“...Necromancy.”

“What the—”

“What—who dares—?”

“So. You're gonna hurt me if I don't give you food, huh?”

“You struck me? Me? How dare you! I will have you know I am a mage of great power, and I will not be—”

“Good for you. Got a hobby?”

“This. This is a pan.”

“In fact, good Mistress, that is in point of reality—”

“If I say it's a pan, it's a pan. The important part is that I'll hit you with it if you try anything.”

“Oh really?”

“Hey, stop that!”

“Behold my p—”

“Ow!”

“Try that again and I'll hit you harder.”

“Now look here, there's no need for violence, Miss. I can see that you are no ordinary plebian fool but an extraordinary plebian. Believe me when I say that is a high compliment from a practitioner of the arcane such as I.”

“I know what plebian means.”

“Ah.”

“One more insult or stupid little invisibility spell and I'll break something.”

“You—you could tell it was an invisibility spell?”

“How astute. She's quite intelligent for an [Innkeeper].”

“Ahem. Well, I shall be going. I am—terribly sorry for all that. It was just, ah—a spell which I—desperate times make fools of us all. And clearly, not you. Which is why I shall depart and not trouble you again.”

“My apologies, good [Innkeeper], for all these misunderstandings. Please accept this recompense for your wasted time.”

“So. You're paying me for trying to scare me and steal food?”

“Harshly put, good Mistress. But yes, I would like to make amends. Let us be quits with no further unpleasantness! Or violence. And I am sure this payment is quite acceptable, is it not?”

“You're sweating.”

“Am I? Terribly sorry. Let me just, ah…”

“Some people don't like being threatened by a giant skeletal monster from hell.”

“I-I see?”

“Some people would take violent offense to being scammed.”

“Ah, this is understandable. But may I remind you that traditionally those who practice magic are beings of great power that should not be crossed?”

“Yeah, and they have fragile bones. I'm sure mages are really scary when they're far away, but wands aren't good at blocking frying…pots.”

“Fair point. Let me just amend my fee.”

“I, uh, hope this is sufficient, good Mistress. I am of course willing to pay any dues to—to make amends, but I'm slightly low on coin at the moment.”

“Would, ah, this do?”

“You know, I just wanted to see what would happen if I kept on staring at you.”

“Ah. Of course. Well, as a practitioner of the mystic arts, I feel it is always wise to be…generous.”

“Um. Thank you.”

“It would certainly save time. And you know if you paid for everything, you wouldn't have to try to scare people to get what you want.”

“Uh huh. And you provide that by threatening people with illusions?”

“Where are you going?”

“Come back here and I'll feed you.”

“Ah. Am I supposed to eat this?”

“And I suppose if I don't, you hit me with that pot, correct?”

“Are you aware that, ah, this fruit is poisonous?”

“Highly. The core of the Amentus Fruit causes painful death within hours if eaten. While the outer rind is safe for consumption, the inner seeds are toxic. You are aware of this, right?”

“I see.”

“Do I have the option to refuse?”

“Last I checked, you were within arm’s reach. That means your fancy spells aren’t going to do a thing before I hit you hard enough to make your brains pop out. Trust me. I’ve done it before.”

“I am a powerful [Mage] far beyond your capabilities. Even if your paltry Skills cannot detect my—capabilities—you would do well to be wary of my hidden…capabilities.”

“Such as?”

“I have studied countless schools of magic. You see before you a practitioner of the elements, a weaver of illusions, a refined chanter, a master of alchemy, pyromancy, aeromancy, geomancy—”

“And necromancy.”

“What? You told me yesterday. Oh, and were you the one who stole the skeleton upstairs? I just realized that was probably you.”

“Well, well. Theft of a corpse and reanimation, no doubt. That’s another big mark on the list of charges. But necromancy, well, that also means we don’t have to bring you back alive anymore.”

“Yes, yes. But we’ll just hit you and drag you back so Miss Erin doesn’t see anything nasty. But you’re in serious trouble now, Mister [Necromancer].”

“Oh, really?”

“Regardless if you know my identity or not, I still believe you will find capturing me no easy task.”

“Humans. You’re so arrogant and crazy. It’s almost funny. If you’re so full of powerful magic, dodge this.”

“Gone.”

“He’s not invisible? He did that once.”

“No. I’d be able to sense if he were within a few feet of me. This was an illusion spell. A damn clever one, too. He pretended he was here and walked off while we were busy chatting. Most idiot spellcasters aren’t that stealthy or…when did he creep off? Klb, it was when you let go of him! I didn’t even see the chair move—damn, the chair’s an illusion too! Normally I can hear idiots skulking around even on the battlefield! This bastard tricked me! Me!”

“I am unsure of when he left. He may have escaped only a few minutes ago. We may still catch him if we hurry.”

“Thank you for informing us of his class, Mistress Erin. Although he posed no threat to either Relc or I, he is far more dangerous than we had believed. I did not notice the illusion spell. I have grown inattentive, lax. Relc as well, but this is a critical failing on my part.”

“Really? I thought—he didn’t seem dangerous. I mean, I hit him with a pot, and that knocked him out.”

“Oh, he’s probably as dangerous as a frog in a fight. That’s not the problem.”

“We thought he was just an illusionist. That’s annoying, but really all he can do is scare folks into giving him things. But a necromancer’s worse. Far worse. We could let him go if he was just a normal [Mage], but we’ve got to find him now, and he knows it.”

“So we’ve gotta go. Why? Are you worried he’ll attack you?”

“And speaking of which…we’ve gotta go. It’s my day off, but we’ll report that annoying Human maggot-mage back at the barracks. If we move fast, we might get him before he runs too far.”

“Gotcha. Tried to run from me, did you? No one ever gets away.”

“Greetings, good Mistress. I was wondering if I could impose upon you—”

“Fewer words. Get to the point.”

“Um. Very well. Are you open today?”

“You. This establishment.”

“Is this place open? Do you provide sustenan—food? I pay, I eat?”

“It’s early. Yes, I guess I am open. Come in.”

“I would like to peruse your menu if I m—”

“If I might trouble you for a knife and fork—”

“And a plate?”

“It happens quite often. A natural weather phenomenon, you know.”

“Another drink if you would. My cup has run dry.”

“Where did you find—stay out of my kitchen.”

“I would be only too happy to. But I fear I was quite parched, and if you would be so good…?”

“Seldom. It is a seasonal weather pattern to rain like this in the spring. Fall downpours like these are an aberration. Normally, I would not hazard a guess at how long the rain would fall, but someone has been interfering with the weather. So we’ll have a brief storm, that’s all. Hardly anything as memorable as magical rain.”

“Interfering with the weather? How? And what do you mean—magical rain? Like what?”

“With magic, how else? Some shortsighted fool must have cast a localized weather control spell. Impressive, I suppose, but clumsy in execution. As for magical rain—have you never observed glowing rain in any color? Magical typhoons? Ah…raining toads?”

“Ahem. Of course, that is how the phenomenon actually occurs. But the impetus is largely magical…I see you know your way around some natural events. This particular storm will not be raining any creatures, however. It truly was someone simply sending unwanted rain our way. It may be a scandal, although given how the Drake cities squabble—I detected it from the south. Perhaps as far as Pallass.”

“Wow, that’s far, right? Wouldn’t you have to be a pretty powerful sorcerer to do that?”

“The term is mage, good Mistress.”

“The name is Erin, idiot.”

“Aha. Accept my apologies. But if you are referring to one of my exalted brethren, mage is the best term to use.”

“I did not say specialization is absent from the magical world. Rather, shall we say that those are titles for mages who meet certain requirements? A [Wizard] is an arcane researcher and true student of the arcane arts. Such individuals are similar to myself, but prefer to study the mainstream branches of magic. [Sorcerers], on the other hand, are quite simplistic and refer to those who use no spellbooks and have little formal education. [Warlocks] obtain their powers from other sources such as summoning, while [Witches] practice alchemy along with specialized schools of magic. Their…very peculiar magic, which is so rooted in folklore. Nevertheless, [Mage] remains the generally accepted title to refer to all those who practice magic as a catchall moniker…”

“Okay. So you’re saying [Mage] means anyone who uses magic. Next time, just say that.”

“You asked. I was merely fulfilling my role as a guest.”

“Yes. And it’s not as if this is a particularly difficult task. I realize it may look so to the uninitiated, but a spell like this could easily be cast by a level 30 [Mage]. Less, I suppose, if the individual were specialized.”

“As I said, not that impressive. Many mages could cast a spell like this.”

“Can you?”

“My specialization lies in other areas.”

“Like dead bodies.”

“Merely another branch of magic, good Mistress Erin. I note you don’t have the same aversion as a less-informed fool. Let me assure you—”

“Good morning everyone! Weird Ant behind me, friendly Human, and—oh.”

“What? Oh no, that’s just Pisces. He’s annoying, so ignore him.”

“Please excuse my companion’s lack of tact.”

“I paid no attention. The plebian masses are a burden to be endured; I bear no ill will to the misinformed or ignorant for their rudeness.”

“Indeed. It has been nice to make your acquaintance.”

“And me. A second plate and a refill of my drink, if you would.”

“You want pasta? It’s in the kitchen. Get it yourself.”

“If we’re done with the lovely chatting, my glass is empty. Isn’t attending to one’s customers part of my service?”

“Nice customer you’ve got here.”

“Yeah. Hey—shut up!”

“How discourteous. I believe I shall bring my business elsewhere next time.”

“I don’t want it anyways. Besides, you tried to rob me last time. You’re here on sufferance because I feel bad for you.”

“Sorry. Again. But…you said rob? As in, that guy over there tried to rob you?”

“Yeah. Last night, I was visited by a scary monster. But when I hit it with a pa—pot, it turned out just to be him. So I got him to pay up for scaring me. That covers all the food he ate, I guess.”

“The fee was extorted under duress.”

“Shut up! You’re lucky I didn’t just toss you in the stream and let the fish eat you!”

“And…you let him come back for breakfast?”

“Well, it’s not like he’s dangerous. Just annoying.”

“And you didn’t think to report him to anyone?”

“Hey, you!”

“Do you want something? I don’t do magic upon request. If you seek a certain spell, I would be happy to discuss my remunerations…later.”

“Really?”

“How about you do the magic spell where you turn into a monster? I’d love to see that. Or better yet, do you have a spell to get out of trouble? Because you’re going to need one now.”

“Ah. I see the good [Innkeeper] holds a grudge. Well, I’m not sure what she told you two, but I assure you, I have compensated her more than adequately for my…mistake. It’s nothing two soldiers need concern themselves with.”

“Oh, but it is, it is! And you’re wrong, by the way.”

“About what?”

“We’re no soldiers. We’re [Guardsmen]. And we’ve been looking for the bastard who’s been robbing homes with illusion spells.”

“Ah.”

“Do not move. You are under arrest for intimidation and attempted theft. Remain still. Any sudden moves will result in bodily harm.”

“What do you want?”

“Klbkch, got anything to tie him up with?”

“Alas, I did not anticipate an arrest, and my gear is signed out at the barracks. I am without manacles or spell-bind rope. We shall have to be attentive with its lack. Unless Miss Solstice has anything to bind him with?”

“Indeed you will. This is an affront!”

“I am completely innocent—utterly so. These baseless accusations are false and—”

“You are lying.”

“[Detect Guilt] is a basic Skill most [Guardsmen] get. I can sense your guilt, which is enough for me to justify this arrest.”

“Plus, we already know all about you and your crimes.”

“We’ve been looking for you, Mister Mage. Or should I say, the scary creature that threatens travellers and people living by themselves? You’ve been stealing food and money for nearly a month. There’s even a bounty on your head, which I’d love to collect.”

“Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. Me and my friend here will drag you out back, beat you with sticks or rocks for a while, and then drag you back to the city for a reward. Then we’ll give half to our lovely innkeeper here. Sound good?”

“Actually, I would prefer—”

“Too bad!”

“Yes, we wouldn’t want to ruin the enjoyment of mindless thugs like yourself.”

“Hold on, hold on. We don’t need to beat up Pisces. Like I said, he only tried to rob me. And I already hit him with a pot. What’s this about beating him up?”

“Or—or you could not. Isn’t that what nice guardsmen do? You could just arrest him and skip the punching, right?”

“Yeah, but he called me a common thug. I want to punch him for that.”

“Well—he’s a jerk. But I mean, you’re a guardsman. Insults like that are ten a penny.”

“Fascinating. But it’s still the elevated status of a common enforcer when all is said and done, isn’t it?”

“You’re still under arrest. I can hit you. It’s only because I’m being considerate of Miss Solstice here that I don’t. But I will. If you don’t shut up.”

“Pardon me. I would not dare to interrupt such august personages such as yourself. Please, proceed.”

“Right. Good. Anyways, we’re the ones with weapons, and you’re just a [Mage]. Not a high-level one either or you’d be teleporting away.”

“You sure about that? Really sure, I mean?”

“Don’t worry, Miss. He’s no threat or we’d have taken him out when we first realized who he was. He looked more dangerous than he turned out to be. You see, both of us can tell if we’re in danger or the enemy is strong. This idiot couldn’t even use [Flash Step] properly!”

“A keen observer would discern his opponent’s weaknesses and strengths and make assumptions based on their actions and ability. These two, on the other hand, are just using a Skill.”

“Well, he’s right. We do have Skills. They’re part of our classes, although in my case I’ve got [Dangersense]. But I’m also a former soldier. And Klb? He’s the Slayer. We can tell you’re not hot stuff, Human.”

“My scales aren’t itching, so your Human friend here isn’t that good at magic. They always itch when I’m in danger. That’s not a Skill, either. But your friend can’t even trigger my [Dangersense]. Not even a little ring.”

“He’s not my friend.”

“But he’s Human.”

“Spoken like a truly ignorant fool. What would you know of magical mastery? My powers may not lie in mere confrontation, but I assure you, I have more power in my fingernails than you have in your entire brutish body.”

“No—no need, good Mistress Solstice. I am quite satisfied at the moment.”

“Peh. You should drink. It’ll be the last tasty thing you eat for a long time. Actually, what am I saying? This stuff’s way too good for you. Just remember what you’re missing when we lock you away.”

“If you can.”

“So it would appear.”

“If I had a knife in my hand, I’d stab you.”

“I am a man in desperate straits. You would do well not to underestimate what I am capable of.”

“So, what? If I don’t decide to help you, will you hurt me? Bash my brains in? Or will you just rip my clothes off and try to rape me?”

“Move and I will stab you.”

“He didn’t want to tell you the truth! But he and I both know what happens to [Necromancers]. We—any mage possessing even a single level in the class—are all killed on sight in this part of the world!”

“Please, I beg of you. Just one night. Just give me sanctuary, and I swear I will be gone upon the morrow. It is my death without your aid. Would you kill me? I ask you as a fellow Human. Please.”

“Gotcha!”

“There you are!”

“Please forgive my rudeness. Are you well? We doubled back and lingered, knowing the criminal may have only pretended to flee the area. Are you hurt or in need of assistance?”

“Klb! Get over here and help! This guy’s slipperier than he looks!”

“[Barrier of Air]!”

“I—I seek no quarrel with you. I am a graduate of Wistram Academy and a practicing mage. You detain me at your peril.”

“Regardless of your affiliation to any academy, you are still under arrest. Please surrender now or I will be forced to employ lethal force.”

“I—I give up.”

“Not likely. I’m gutting you like a fish right here.”

“I assure you, my life is worth far more than you would ever get for me dead. This can all be solved amicably. I will fully cooperate—”

“That’s what I think of your spells. I’m a former soldier of the 4th Wing of the Liscorian Army. I’ve killed more [Mages] than you have levels. Now, are you going to die quiet or will I have to pay for painting the walls red with your blood?”

“I can be ransomed. Quite highly! My school will pay ten—thirty gold coins in whichever denomination you like for my return.”

“What? No! No killing! Do you hear me?”

“Last words, [Mage]?”

“I have only ever done what I loved. Slay me as well, you thoughtless fools. Just like all of my kind. One day—one of us will follow Az’kerash.”

“Nice last words. But remember—your Necromancer died here. Miles from this very spot. The Tidebreaker was his end.”

“I know.”

“No fighting. Not here. And no killing!”

“I don’t care! You don’t kill people just because they practice stupid magic! And you don’t kill people just because you don’t like them! And you don’t kill people because killing people is wrong!”

“But he’s—”

“He’s a criminal.”

“No, he’s an idiot. But he didn’t do anything wrong enough to die for. All he did was try to scare me.”

“He hit me with lightning!”

“You punched his brains out! That’s not enough to kill him over!”

“I can’t believe this. Are you defending him? Because he’s Human? Or do you not want the blood in here? In that case, I’ll take him out back and—”

“Then I’ll arrest him, and he’ll be executed tomorrow. Happy?”

“I withdraw my testimony.”

“She is correct. Without her testimony, we cannot submit a report regarding his attempted thefts.”

“Prove. It. Can you? Is there a way to check his, uh, class?”