Wordchewing...
Wordchewing...
1000 total quotes
“I just wanted to go to the bathroom.”
“At least Mom would be happy.”
“First things first. I should stay here. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if this inn is safe—but it’s dusty. It’s got walls. So I explore. Also, I find something to clean all this stuff up with. I don’t want to use my shirt. Seems like a bad move, but I can’t breathe here without…okay. First steps. Pawn to E4. Pawn to C5. Sicilian Defense. Here we go.”
“It’s not fair. Ever since I came to this world, everything’s been going wrong.”
“So it’s not scary, but terrifying. Great.”
“…And I guess that someone is me.”
“Okay, maybe there is something. I don’t know. There could be—more of those Goblins? But there’s probably not a Dragon, right? Right! Don’t be stupid.”
“What were those things? G—they sort of looked like—Goblins? No way. This has to be a dream, but my arm hurts too bad for it to be a dream.”
“It’s definitely not a dream. But how am I burnt? I could have sworn it missed!”
“This place is going to kill me! I’m going to choke to death before the rain stops. Someone should clean it up!”
“This is stupid. There’s nothing up there. Nothing!”
“Now I’m really, really hungry.”
“Dustrag. Dustrag, dustrag, dustrag…”
“[Mysterious Blue Fruit acquired!] Dun dun dun dun!”
“What the…holy…crab?”
“This is why drapes were invented, you know.”
“Like hell it does!”
“…I hate this world.”
“Is this how I die? Starving to death because I can’t do a pull-up?”
“Yep. Makes complete sense…”
“Um, shouldn’t there be some kind of announcement?”
“That time again? Two hundred years already? I might as well. It’s courteous.”
“At least, from strange young women appearing out of nowhere. She had to have been the subject of—of some chance. Maybe a [Gambler] or whatnot. Otherwise, I would be either dead or have been contacted by whomever it was. It cannot be Demons; they’re far too unsubtle. Who else? If it was the Quarass, I’d be dead. Djinni smell of magic. And that leaves…my kin, who wouldn’t do that.”
“Just so long as the grass doesn’t change color overnight, I might have a shot. Looks like it goes purple-orange-yellow and runs right next to the inn. So I can follow that back! Follow the purple-orange-yellow grass road!”
“No. No it can’t be. But a—a Dragon and Goblins and now leveling…this is another world, right? One like Dungeons and Dragons? Or—or a video game?”
“Just a coincidence? An accident? I don’t know, and I didn’t get anything to latch onto. Whomever it is, they’re gone. I—I shall be watchful.”
“Seriously? I leveled up? What is this, a game?”
“Right, right. Let’s recap. I’m in another world which is actually a video game. And there are monsters in this world, and I can level up by doing stuff. I even get skills, and when I do, a voice in my head—no, more like a thought appears that tells me I’ve accomplished a task.”
“Weird. Grey bark, green leaves, blue fruit. Who dropped the paint bucket on this thing? And why is it so…tough?”
“This—really is another world, isn’t it?”
“Got it. Message received.”
“…Hey. What happened to levels 2 and 3?”
“I hate this world!”
“Nature calls. I hate nature.”
“Boo!”
“I can’t even laugh properly right now. Hahahahahaha…ha?”
“Gobliiiiiiiiins!”
“Need [Shaman].”
“…Am I going to die?”
“G-goblins?”
“Wow. This tastes really good!”
“Well? Come on!”
“It’s like a peach. Not a monster, not a monster…”
“Well, what am I hiding from anyways?”
“Too bad I’m not a streaker, huh?”
“Pawn to E5. Pawn to F4. Pawn captures F4—King’s Gambit Accepted. Bishop to C4, queen to H4. Check. Bishop’s Gambit. King to F1, pawn to B5. Bryan Counter-gambit. Bishop captures B5, knight moves to F6. Knight moves to F3…”
“Pawn…pawn to E4.”
“Fish. Fish with huge teeth. I hate this world so much.”
“…Huzzah. What a great skill! I mean, I might have to fight off giant crabs and Goblins, but at least I’ll be able to clean the floor while they eat me! I wouldn’t want to leave a mess.”
“Monsters, monsters all around. And not one of them looks edible. But at least there’s blue fruit that smells like cleaning fluid. And at least there’s a dusty old inn. And at least I have four levels in innkeeping. Huzzah for me.”
“Um. Is it three bars of iron and two sticks to make a pickaxe? Or can I make a wood sword by punching trees? Why couldn’t this be Minecraft instead?”
“…Sushi?”
“Then I’d be eaten by something else. Underwater Goblins, probably.”
“Time to find some. Or I’ll die. Whichever comes first.”
“I get it. It’s a bad day, right?”
“Sort of clean. You couldn’t eat your dinner off it, I guess. But that’s why we have plates.”
“I could drink a Gatorade. Or a Pepsi. I like Coke too, though. What about Pepsi and Coke and Gatorade? Gatorpepcoke? Pegatoroke?”
“Alright. Can’t go around it. Gotta go under it. Goodbye head, look out belly, here comes the knifey.”
“Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.”
“Or not. Knock on wood.”
“Barely. They’re not that dangerous. They’re like kids. And I can beat up tons of kids even with knives. If I’m careful.”
“Discovery two: kitchens have knives.”
“Discovery three: fish stink.”
“Discovery one: fish are heavy.”
“Just in case. I should also get a bow and arrow or something, right? Too bad I have no idea how to shoot anything. Or have any idea how to carve a bow. You carve bows, right?”
“They were eating the blue fruits. So they live nearby. Wonderful. I’m going to run into them again. Which means I need a weapon. Great.”
“When you level in dreams, you level in real life?”
“Hm. So, [Basic Cleaning] was really a skill after all?”
“Is that thing made of rocks?”
“[Basic Cooking]! Give me—baked fish!”
“Unless they stab me in my sleep. Or there are lots of them. I’m probably safe if I make sure they can’t get in without me hearing it. I should block every way in but have, like, an escape window.”
“Water. Water is water. Because water. Where’s the water?”
“Screaming is bad. Quiet.”
“There is no way I’m eating that. Cooked or raw. Actually, there’s no way I’m eating any of this without a frying pan.”
“B-being numb would be better than being really cold.”
“…With shark teeth. That’s messed up.”
“Oh. Just a Goblin.”
“It could be flour. Or—alternatively, it could be cocaine.”
“Upstairs. Fine. Hello darkness my old enemy.”
“Question. How did Mr. Skeleton upstairs die?”
“Wow. Magic.”
“It’s gone.”
“It’s not fair. It’s not fair.”
“Am I afraid of dead people? Well yeah. But they can’t hurt me. Zombies can, but normal dead people can’t. It’s just a skeleton. I can take a look for signs of—of death, and then I’ll go sleep. Good plan. Let’s do it.”
“Okay. Okay. What’s the problem? It was just a skeleton. Just a spooky, dead thing. And even if it did move—somehow, where would it go?”
“I’ve seen old kitchens in castles. I thought drawers and that kind of stuff only came later. This is, um, steel. Or at least iron. It looks like steel. Did they have a lot of steel in the medieval ages? Knights in armor, duh. But when were cheese graters invented? Is this place in the Dark Ages or past that? And can I get a light bulb somewhere around here?”
“True, you’ve gotta leave stuff behind when you leave. Can’t carry everything. But you had good food still here. And more, in those other cupboards. And here’s a kitchen full of supplies…how expensive are good, sharp knives?”
“No, no. That’s impossible. It’s not here. It’s somewhere else. Besides, where could it hide? I checked all the rooms upstairs. So where could it be?”
“Is someone messing with me?”
“How long does it take for dust to get two inches deep?”
“Because it was valuable? Because skeletons are so useful, sure. Maybe the Goblins did it. Can’t you eat bones? Or—someone else?”
“Huh. I guess it wore off. Or maybe they broke somehow? I wonder what they’re made of.”
“Greetings. May we come in?”
“Fire! Call me Prometheus…Promethea.”
“That’s for all of you.”
“At this rate, I'm going to start a collection.”
“Now, where can I get a piece of chalk and write ‘no Goblins allowed’?”
“Acid flies. Okay, that’s completely wrong.”
“Hi, can I help you?”
“…Well, finders keepers.”
“Double double, boil and trouble…into the pot you go.”
“Huh. So that’s what flint and steel looks like. It actually does look like Minecraft!”
“Sorry, baby dino-birdlings. But I really need to eat. And you look nice and doughy right now.”
“But it’s a better day, right? A bit of a better day.”
“Forget bread. It’s pasta time.”
“[Basic Cooking], huh?”
“Another weird creature. Wonderful.”
“That’s Senior Guardsman Klbkch to you, rookie. Send a street runner to tell the Captain.”
“Okay. At least I know where all the normal birds go. Inside the dinosaur-birds.”
“People used to do this every day? This is why plumbing was invented, you know. Who puts a stream so far from an inn? What happened to a good well?”
“Hm. Chewy. Tasty! Pasta is the greatest food in the entire world.”
“Not a full one, and that’s not our call. I’ll tell the Captain. You just keep an eye on it. I think she’ll put our best patrol on it. Punishment detail for breaking all those windows yesterday.”
“This was an inn once. But someone abandoned it. And they left a lotta useful stuff behind.”
“Camouflaged dinosaur birds. Now I’ve really seen everything.”
“That’s definitely a bug. And it’s really ugly. If I could take it to a scientist back home, I bet I’d be famous. Since I can’t—go away, would you?”
“No skeleton? No problem. I hope.”
“You. Get off.”
“It was alive. There was a baby inside.”
“I could bury it. If I had a shovel. And I could burn it. If I had a way to make fire. Or…I could leave it over there.”
“This is how it starts, right? You leave the fireplace on while you go on a vacation for a few days, and the next thing you know, your inn’s burned down. A classic cautionary tale.”
“Huh. ‘Closed?’ Is that English?”
“Gotta wash these sometime. But that means I’ll be walking around naked. Is that an issue? And what’s that smell?”
“…Why’s it got four legs? I thought bugs had six.”
“Right. Normal eggs actually hatch. Right. This isn’t a store, so of course they’d be living—but they must be new eggs. Not full of half-born chickens, right?”
“Let’s see. Frying pan? No. Tongs? No. A saw? Why does a kitchen need a saw?”
“This. This is disgusting.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“Okay. Pain. But now I can make bread! I’ve got all the ingredients. Right? Right. I just need flour, yeast, butter, a bit of salt and sugar and—”
“Huh. So people speak English here. Good to know!”
“Or Goblins. I’ve seen them creeping around now and then. Do we send out a patrol?”
“No. No. You deserve at least a sandwich. Or eggs and sausage.”
“Is that a…pterodactyl? No way.”
“It does look like—smoke. Maybe it’s a traveller. Or bandits. Or whoever’s been robbing the farmsteads.”
“Who knew carrying stuff with one hand was so much of a pain? I mean, everything’s a pain.”
“I will endeavor not to in the future.”
“I feel I must mention that you, personally, cannot breathe fire, Relc.”
“So, a lesser healing potion of no worth, huh? You know, I’ve never heard you lie like that.”
“What a lonely girl.”
“Klb! That’s so devious! We can waste hours and say it was all an investigation! Now you’re thinking like a Drake!”
“…Just let me sleep.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t have to kill her.”
“Not bad! Especially if you just got here a few days ago. Did the notification wake you up right as you were falling asleep? I hate that.”
“Shut up. She just seems lonely, that’s all. Why else would a Human female want to hang out with a Drake and an overgrown bug?”
“We may be able to fit checking in there as part of our duties if we convince the Captain it is necessary.”
“Am I a Dragon? Aha. Haha. Well, that’s just—oh, Ancestors bite me. I mean, do I look like one? I’m not even Oldblood, but maybe I do. Klb, buddy, what do you think?”
“See, this. This is why no one else is willing to be your partner. Along with you being, y’know, you.”
“Of course we wouldn’t eat you! That’s barbaric, and besides, it’s illegal. I mean, okay, sure, it happens sometimes in distant villages, but we wouldn’t do that. Right, Klbkch?”
“Nice rocks to laze about upon while we should be performing our duties.”
“You said it poorly. I am merely rephrasing your words for the benefit of all.”
“Well, there’s nothing wrong with you staying here. Aside from dying, that is.”
“Apologies. It is unwise to hug those with exoskeletons. Please, are you hurt?”
“Or inflict other forms of bodily or mental harm upon you.”
“You’re a regular do-gooder, huh? Trying to level up your…[Good Person] class? Is that a class?”
“Oh, that. New classes without an apprenticeship, you mean? Simple. You must have satisfied the requirements for the class, that’s all. I know it’s sort of weird gaining a new class suddenly, but it happens. I knew a guy who gained four levels in [Farmer] just because he kept growing carrots in pots next to his window. Not [Gardener], [Farmer]. I guess it was because he grew lots of carrots. Leveling is weird that way.”
“Mammary glands? Breasts, I think they’re referred to. Or maybe the word is tits.”
“So, shall we return tomorrow?”
“I have no sexual attraction towards Humans. Unlike you.”
“Indeed. It is part of our shared past. Once, of course, all races fought with tooth and claw and magic, but then they divided. Those who decided to forsake their natures and pursue a different truth received the gift of leveling, while those creatures who stayed true to their nature kept the might of their natures instead. According to historical records, at least. It is the subject of some studies, but that is the consensus.”
“Really? I thought those were birds.”
“Please, it was nothing. That was merely a low-grade healing potion of no great worth. Let us call it payment for the meal. Unless, of course, you object?”
“I believe it was my turn to do that. Apologize to the Human for your rudeness.”
“Shut up. This is your fault. I told you I should go first. I’m not a horrific Ant.”
“You are blushing.”
“I cannot imagine she would survive an encounter with a real Dragon. Armies would not.”
“What about it? Oh, are you wondering about mine? I’m a [Spearmaster]. This idiot’s a [Swordslayer]. We both have levels in [Guardsman] as well, but not nearly as much as our primary classes. Pretty cool, huh?”
“You’re just an overgrown ant. You be quiet. Anyways, we’re special. Those guys are just amphibians that learned to walk on two legs. We’re related to Dragons. We’ve got special powers.”
“Look. It’s getting sort of embarrassing. I’m not a Dragon. I’m a Drake. And yeah, we’re distantly related cousins, but Dragons are…there’s no way. That would be huge. You said you saw one? You sure it wasn’t a Wyvern? It was probably a Wyvern.”
“Of course not. Why would anyone make a healing potion that hurts when you use it? But look at that!”
“Actually, I would like to correct you on that point. While the thinking races may level, animals and even creatures such as Dragons are not capable of leveling. Which is common knowledge.”
“Oh, a [Teleportation] spell? Was it a misfire or did someone target you? That’s a Mage’s Guild issue.”
“You know fully well that I have no levels in any class of the kind. I was merely being kind.”
“Yes, but I have my badge on. You have not brought yours. Again. For the eighth day in a row. Therefore, I was the most logical choice to—”
“Well, after I got the eggs, there was a crab rock, I mean, a rock crab, and then I found blue fruits before that and…I met you two. A not-dragon and an insect. Who don’t want to eat me? Or is that after the meal?”
“What, are you crazy? Let me talk. That was just a misunderstanding caused by seeing your face. I’ll straighten all this out.”
“…Yes. Yes, it is. I’m a Drake, not one of the Lizardfolk. There’s a big difference.”
“That is unusual. I was under the impression levels worked uniformly across all species. However, I too understand the issues of communicating leveling and the system of classes. Even so, it is odd to think there is a nation that does not teach it in some way. Unless you are referring to a cultural difference in classes?”
“Your hurtful remarks are unnecessary. Besides which, I believe we are getting off track. We are in the presence of a member of the general public, remember.”
“Look. It’s complicated, and I can’t really explain. But would you believe…magic? Like a crazy, crazy, uh, teleportation spell?”
“The plague. This location was once a small community until everyone here died. Horribly. Admittedly, this was a decade ago, but it was evacuated and has been condemned since then.”
“Do you mean to say you found a Dragon? Somewhere around this area? And you—survived the encounter. Unharmed?”
“Shut up. I’m still sorry. But yeah, there’s a big difference. I mean, sure, Humans say we look similar, but we’re totally different. They have those neck frills, and they’re way too colorful. We build cities out of proper stone, but the Lizardfolk live near water and can breathe underwater too, some of them. They have Naga and, like, jungles in Baleros. Whereas we Drakes like drier climates. We enjoy warm sun, open spaces…”
“It is poison. Of a sort.”
“You idiot. I told you this is why I should have opened the door.”
“Excuse me? I’m not a Dragon, Miss Human. I’m just an incredible Drake in service to the City Watch. Me and my idiot partner were on patrol when we noticed the smoke. May we come in? I promise we won’t bite.”
“I would prefer that you call my species by their proper name.”
“Or, and hear me out. Or…we could have more food and stay here longer.”
“Oh, definitely. Right after work?”
“Our pardons. We have not introduced ourselves. Allow me to correct this mistake. I am Klbkch, Senior Guardsman in the employ of the City of Liscor. This is my partner, also a Senior Guardsman.”
“That would be a preservation spell. It is quite common among higher-class establishments.”
“Not if they did not cause it. Intriguing. Was it a magical duel, perhaps? Some high-level spellcasting?”
“It is not an infection.”
“Indeed. We would not violate our duty as guardsmen.”
“And not oozing.”
“I am sure you would prefer that. But we are being paid to work, not to enjoy ourselves. Moreover, you are eating all of this Human’s dinner.”
“We can breathe fire. Some of us can, at least.”
“This is a low-grade healing potion. If you pour it over your injury, it should heal your affliction.”
“Good job not scaring her.”
“To put it succinctly: we saw the fire and decided to investigate.”
“Is she female? I could not tell with complete accuracy. She sounded so, but I have met few Humans in social settings.”
“Sorry, but can we ask you a few questions about where you’re from? It’s pretty odd to find a Human out here, let alone in an abandoned place like this. Not that we mean to pry, it’s just that it’s kind of our job to ask these questions.”
“Goblins. And by the way, some Wyverns breathe fire too.”
“…You mean you don’t level in this Michigan place?”
“This is a world. Everyone levels in it. Humans, lizard people, talking insects, cats, dogs, Goblins…”
“We are still on duty, if you recall. The Captain will be expecting a report. If we do return, we will have more time to socialize.”
“I told you. It’s flattering, but I’m not a Drag—oh.”
“Only a few differences, but the animosity between their cultures is—”
“I can. It’s the things on her chest.”
“Not you, specifically. Really, it could be anything. We thought it might be a random fire or a few Goblins. If there were some stupid kids, on the other hand, we’d be dragging them back right now since it’s dangerous to stay here. Bandits on the other hand…”
“I would gladly partake of nourishment if offered. However, we would not wish to deprive you of your meal.”
“Only a few Drakes can do it, okay? Not breathing fire is perfectly normal. And some of us can, so there.”
“…Are you a Dragon?”
“I will accept the pasta and water as well. But may I inquire if you have any more meat-based dishes? Corusdeer, perhaps?”
“…Are you sure you’re not a Dragon?”
“They have to teach Humans how to level? Weird.”
“Michigan? I’m not familiar with that city. Or is it a nation…? Is that north of here? Over the mountains, maybe? On this continent?”
“Shut up. Ahem. We were just sent here to make sure no Goblins or nasty creatures started living here. We’ve got no problem with Humans. Well, at least the non-violent kind.”
“Fine. Antinium. Happy?”
“We’re still cool, right?”
“Okay. Right. Um. Let’s pretend I have no idea what leveling or classes are. I’m, uh, from really far away, and we have different…traditions.”
“…So someone on the walls spotted the smoke and called it in. Since it didn’t seem like a grassfire and since we knew this place was abandoned years ago, the Captain decided to send someone to check it out.”
“No, actually I got lost and—this is stupid. Why am I making excuses?”
“Razorbeaks. Go on, Miss.”
“Indeed. And I must apologize again, but our true intent in coming here was to ascertain the danger posed here.”
“So am I going to die by puking out my guts or something?”
“Yes. No. Maybe? Look, I level. You level. We level. Everyone levels, right? We all can level up in, uh, classes and gain skills. How am I doing so far?”
“It breathed at me. Fire. And then I was chased by little green men.”
“Please, I mean no harm. But your hand. May I see it?”
“Now what? I do not believe breaking and entering would be appropriate at this moment.”
“But you cooked it, then? Do you have levels in a [Chef] class, then?”
“Please, believe me. It will heal you.”
“Go roast yourself.”
“Um. I didn’t see anything when it happened. I just sort of turned the corner and—look, the point is I suddenly appeared around here. And then…Dragon.”
“I will pass for the moment. We should get down to business rather than partake of food.”
“W-want something to eat?”
“Be quiet. I’m in a good mood now.”
“Shut up, Klbkch!”
“It matters not. I require sustenance. Food. Provide that to me, and I shall be on my way.”
“I do not wish to become angry.”
“Aw. No. Oh no. Am I…dumber than Goblins?”
“I will not be denied. Open this door or face my wrath.”
“A pity. But I will have you provide me with sustenance nevertheless.”
“And I’d have a team of doctors feeding me pills by the pound too.”
“Mistress. All I ask for is a bit of food. Provide me that and I shall be on my way.”
“A visitor.”
“This is unwise. Your insolence will only bring about more punishment.”
“No.”
“She can eat my scales. Let’s go and get this over with.”
“Do not anger me further. If you refuse my simple request, I will—”
“Huh. Can Goblins smell poison? Wait…wait. That Relc guy said they have Skills. Do you get Skills to tell if there’s bad fruits? [Bad Fruit Detector]? No way.”
“Give me what I desire. Or I shall—”
“What a pain. Let’s smack some scales-for-brains quick. Maybe we’ll still have time to go to the inn afterwards.”
“I could eat mushrooms! Or…maybe not mushrooms because ick. Or bugs? Wait—that’s just as bad. Plants, then. Herbs. And blue fruits. Okay—this fruit and this fruit and this fruit.”
“Must taste bad, huh?”
“There. I have signed us both out. Again.”
“Don’t insult the Watch Captain while we are within earshot.”
“Seriously. They were so normal. But apparently I’m normal too. There are other Humans around here at least. But leveling? Classes? Am I an [Innkeeper]? Do I innkeep? How does that work?”
“Wait a second. Maybe that could work. Let’s see. If I take this long grass and tie this knot here…”
“Do I just eat what’s in the cupboard and fight dino-birds? If I can’t eat the blue fruits…”
“You know we will be called upon to go after those who got away. And there is damage assessment, guard detail, investigating any burglaries during the violence…”
“Maybe the poison is making the fruit like—wetter? Or it’s making the fruit weaker?”
“Alright, let’s go. Man, I really hate Captain Z.”
“Senior Guardsman Relc, belay that! There’s a brawl in the marketplace. Get over there and stop the fighting!”
“…Looks like I’ve got a few weeks before I run out. But bleh, eating just blue fruit all the time would be disgusting. At least there’s some ingredients left for pasta if I can find more eggs.”
“They said they’d visit. But did they mean that or are they busy? Either way, I can always make more pasta and save some for later, right?”
“…Poison. Gotta be.”
“…Necromancy.”
“Yeah, and they have fragile bones. I’m sure mages are really scary when they’re far away, but wands aren’t good at blocking frying…pots.”
“Take them. You look thin, and maybe if you eat them you’ll stop bothering other people. Thank you for your business. Come by again and I’ll feed you. Try to scare me and I’ll hit you harder next time.”
“What else could it be? I’ve played D&D.”
“You know, I just wanted to see what would happen if I kept on staring at you.”
“Come back here and I’ll feed you.”
“If I say it’s a pan, it’s a pan. The important part is that I’ll hit you with it if you try anything.”
“Good for you. Got a hobby?”
“Stop it. You sound like an idiot.”
“Maybe not. But then again, the only two I’ve met were quite polite, paid for their meal, and didn’t try to threaten me when I first met them. Whereas the first Human I met was you.”
“This. This is a pan.”
“You’re sweating.”
“One more insult or stupid little invisibility spell and I’ll break something.”
“Some people don’t like being threatened by a giant skeletal monster from hell.”
“Try that again and I’ll hit you harder.”
“Yeah. It’s been fun and games ever since.”
“Pisces, practitioner of magic, student of Wistram Academy, specialized in the Elementalist and Illusionary schools of magic with additional competencies in multiple spell schools.”
“So, if I might inquire, what is a delicate flower of effervescence doing in such a locale?”
“I know what plebian means.”
“One does what one must to survive.”
“So. You’re gonna hurt me if I don’t give you food, huh?”
“And anyways, I didn’t see any idiot in robes waving a wand around and shouting ‘abracadabra’. And there aren’t wizards where I—I mean, I’m sure it wasn’t a…I just turned the corner and here I was.”
“Some people would take violent offense to being scammed.”
“Ah, but money is so…mundane. Where would the enjoyment in life be without variety?”
“I suppose the toxicity would be acceptable if it were just the fruit. Well then.”
“The locals don’t like Humans that much. Which is a fact anyone in a hundred miles would know. This is the border to the Drake lands to the south. But you…didn’t know that, did you?”
“Are you aware that, ah, this fruit is poisonous?”
“Highly. The core of the Amentus Fruit causes painful death within hours if eaten. While the outer rind is safe for consumption, the inner seeds are toxic. You are aware of this, right?”
“It would certainly save time. And you know if you paid for everything, you wouldn’t have to try to scare people to get what you want.”
“Fascinating. That has to be a very high-level phenomenon or artifact. Seamless teleportation without any visual cues and even sensation at that range? Not even our Archmages could…fascinating indeed.”
“Fine. I suppose there’s no use attempting to impress anyone who actually has the rudiments of an education. But my question remains: what’s a young g—woman like you doing out here alone?”
“Now look here, there’s no need for violence, Miss. I can see that you are no ordinary plebian fool but an extraordinary plebian. Believe me when I say that is a high compliment from a practitioner of the arcane such as I.”
“You would not be so quick to judge if you knew more about the people you’re defending. Especially this city.”
“Are you trying to sound impressive or do you actually talk like that?”
“Ah, this is understandable. But may I remind you that traditionally those who practice magic are beings of great power that should not be crossed?”
“No, no. I have no clue what kind of magic would be capable of that, if any. That sounds like a spell which—well, suffice it to say I know of only a few living mages who might even attempt such a feat. But if you were the target, it still makes no sense. Why would anyone waste such a powerful spell on someone as mundane as…as…”
“This area is known as the Floodplains of Liscor. It’s because of a lovely natural phenomenon of the geography and—but you aren’t from here, if you don’t know about this area. But I would have guessed as much since you are Human. As far as I can tell.”
“Lost? It takes quite some skill to wander this far into the Floodplains. Or are you a local? I very much doubt you are, though.”
“You struck me? Me? How dare you! I will have you know I am a mage of great power, and I will not be—”
“How rude. My advanced lexicon and diction is merely a result of my education, not a façade that—”
“I suppose one does. Does it make you feel good, stealing from innocent people?”
“It’s not mine. I just found it and somehow became an [Innkeeper] by cleaning up around here.”
“Ah. Of course. Well, as a practitioner of the mystic arts, I feel it is always wise to be…generous.”
“Yes, you. I told you why I’m here. What’s a raggedy mage doing scaring people for food?”
“It’s common. Well, not common exactly, but it’s the only explanation I can think of. Back in the Academy…it was not an unheard of phenomenon. I suppose you could have also been carried off by one of the local avian species, but they tend to drop their prey and chew their bones.”
“Um. I am now? I mean, I figured that out earlier. These ones are good. I’ve checked them.”
“You truly didn’t? Well, well. A traveller who doesn’t know anything about where she is…teleportation spell? Amnesia magic?”
“I, ah, came here to expand my horizons. This part of the continent—well, the local collection of city-states are quite hospitable to those people trying to avoid undue attention. Besides, food is plentiful if one has certain skills.”
“Look, it’s safe. I’ve eaten tons of them. Just eat around the core and you’ll be fine, okay? I figured out how to check for good ones. See?”
“What are you talking about? I’m giving you food. Are you allergic to the color blue or something?”
“So. You’re paying me for trying to scare me and steal food?”
“And you’re an expert on [Teleportation] spells? I see.”
“And I suppose if I don’t, you hit me with that pot, correct?”
“Harshly put, good Mistress. But yes, I would like to make amends. Let us be quits with no further unpleasantness! Or violence. And I am sure this payment is quite acceptable, is it not?”
“Uh huh. And you provide that by threatening people with illusions?”
“Like pretending to be a horrible monster?”
“How astute. She’s quite intelligent for an [Innkeeper].”
“Shall we just say I accept your word? I wouldn’t dare question your authority on the subject, good Mistress, it’s just that—”
“Indeed. That is quite often the case. However, you seem to have taken to it well. This area is inhospitable to most Humans.”
“You’re hungry, aren’t you? Well, eat this.”
“Yes, well. I see you’ve established yourself quite nicely. This is—is quite a lovely establishment you’ve founded. Very quaint.”
“Ahem. Well, I shall be going. I am—terribly sorry for all that. It was just, ah—a spell which I—desperate times make fools of us all. And clearly, not you. Which is why I shall depart and not trouble you again.”
“Well, if you have no further need of me…I did pay for my misdeeds, after all. Rather handsomely, I might add, given that no harm was actually done except to my person. So I won’t intrude any fu—”
“Here. Totally non-poisonous food ready to be eaten. Happy?”
“Thanks, I guess. But if it’s so lousy—and it is, I totally know—why are you here?”
“I, uh, hope this is sufficient, good Mistress. I am of course willing to pay any dues to—to make amends, but I’m slightly low on coin at the moment.”
“I see I’ve overstayed my welcome. Well, your meal was quite adequate, good Mistress. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude.”
“They grow that big? No; don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. But you’re right. It was a teleportation spell. Or something. It didn’t feel like a spell, but…”
“Here. Blue juice and some blue fruit. I’ve also got pasta, but I need to warm that up first.”
“Really? You just turned a corner and you were in a completely different place?”
“In fact, good Mistress, that is in point of reality—”
“My apologies, good [Innkeeper], for all these misunderstandings. Please accept this recompense for your wasted time.”
“Do I have the option to refuse?”
“Fair point. Let me just amend my fee.”
“Only on occasion. And I quite understand your irate feelings. However, since I believe all is settled, I shall just…”
“I am completely, 100% Human, thanks. And why does that make a difference?”
“Just answer the question.”
“I’m not. But I’ll just bet those kinds of spells make a flash of light or a weird sound, right?”
“A rogue [Necromancer] on the loose does nasty things. Even a low-level one can bring down villages if you give him enough dead bodies, and they level fast when that happens. Damn, I’m not going to be the one who let the next Az’kerash get away, Klb. We’re gonna have to hunt this guy down. If we can’t catch him today, I’ll have the Captain send out multiple patrols once we get back to the city. Erin, we have to go, but I think you’re safe if that guy didn’t do anything last time.”
“Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. Me and my friend here will drag you out back, beat you with sticks or rocks for a while, and then drag you back to the city for a reward. Then we’ll give half to our lovely innkeeper here. Sound good?”
“Well, well. Theft of a corpse and reanimation, no doubt. That’s another big mark on the list of charges. But necromancy, well, that also means we don’t have to bring you back alive anymore.”
“Last I checked, you were within arm’s reach. That means your fancy spells aren’t going to do a thing before I hit you hard enough to make your brains pop out. Trust me. I’ve done it before.”
“No. I’d be able to sense if he were within a few feet of me. This was an illusion spell. A damn clever one, too. He pretended he was here and walked off while we were busy chatting. Most idiot spellcasters aren’t that stealthy or…when did he creep off? Klb, it was when you let go of him! I didn’t even see the chair move—damn, the chair’s an illusion too! Normally I can hear idiots skulking around even on the battlefield! This bastard tricked me! Me!”
“Humans. You’re so arrogant and crazy. It’s almost funny. If you’re so full of powerful magic, dodge this.”
“How about you do the magic spell where you turn into a monster? I’d love to see that. Or better yet, do you have a spell to get out of trouble? Because you’re going to need one now.”
“Yes, yes. But we’ll just hit you and drag you back so Miss Erin doesn’t see anything nasty. But you’re in serious trouble now, Mister [Necromancer].”
“Do not move. You are under arrest for intimidation and attempted theft. Remain still. Any sudden moves will result in bodily harm.”
“You’re still under arrest. I can hit you. It’s only because I’m being considerate of Miss Solstice here that I don’t. But I will. If you don’t shut up.”
“The name is Erin, idiot.”
“I paid no attention. The plebian masses are a burden to be endured; I bear no ill will to the misinformed or ignorant for their rudeness.”
“Spoken like a truly ignorant fool. What would you know of magical mastery? My powers may not lie in mere confrontation, but I assure you, I have more power in my fingernails than you have in your entire brutish body.”
“Pardon me. I would not dare to interrupt such august personages such as yourself. Please, proceed.”
“We’ve been looking for you, Mister Mage. Or should I say, the scary creature that threatens travellers and people living by themselves? You’ve been stealing food and money for nearly a month. There’s even a bounty on your head, which I’d love to collect.”
“Peh. You should drink. It’ll be the last tasty thing you eat for a long time. Actually, what am I saying? This stuff’s way too good for you. Just remember what you’re missing when we lock you away.”
“We thought he was just an illusionist. That’s annoying, but really all he can do is scare folks into giving him things. But a necromancer’s worse. Far worse. We could let him go if he was just a normal [Mage], but we’ve got to find him now, and he knows it.”
“No one insults me regularly. Except Watch Captain Z and Klb, come to think of it. People like me. Everyone likes us. We’ve got a special job.”
“We’re no soldiers. We’re [Guardsmen]. And we’ve been looking for the bastard who’s been robbing homes with illusion spells.”
“Well, he’s right. We do have Skills. They’re part of our classes, although in my case I’ve got [Dangersense]. But I’m also a former soldier. And Klb? He’s the Slayer. We can tell you’re not hot stuff, Human.”
“And necromancy.”
“Don’t worry, Miss. He’s no threat or we’d have taken him out when we first realized who he was. He looked more dangerous than he turned out to be. You see, both of us can tell if we’re in danger or the enemy is strong. This idiot couldn’t even use [Flash Step] properly!”
“[Detect Guilt] is a basic Skill most [Guardsmen] get. I can sense your guilt, which is enough for me to justify this arrest.”
“What? You told me yesterday. Oh, and were you the one who stole the skeleton upstairs? I just realized that was probably you.”
“It’s not just a job. It’s a highly prestigious job! Not just anyone can be part of the city guard, let alone a Senior Guard.”
“A keen observer would discern his opponent’s weaknesses and strengths and make assumptions based on their actions and ability. These two, on the other hand, are just using a Skill.”
“Fascinating. But it’s still the elevated status of a common enforcer when all is said and done, isn’t it?”
“Or destroying us in a number of ways. The lack of lightning falling from the sky or [Fireballs] confirms this.”
“Really. See, we’ve gotta get at least fifty ordinary citizens to vouch for us before we’re sworn in. And to become Senior Guardsmen like us, you’ve got to get at least four hundred. Impressive, right?”
“Thank you for informing us of his class, Mistress Erin. Although he posed no threat to either Relc or I, he is far more dangerous than we had believed. I did not notice the illusion spell. I have grown inattentive, lax. Relc as well, but this is a critical failing on my part.”
“Oops. Sorry, did I scare you? I forgot normal people aren’t used to that. Don’t worry—I never miss when I throw.”
“Like dead bodies.”
“Regardless if you know my identity or not, I still believe you will find capturing me no easy task.”
“Aren’t I the better-looking one here? What gives?”
“Okay, that’s it. Close your eyes, Miss—”
“Well—he’s a jerk. But I mean, you’re a guardsman. Insults like that are ten a penny.”
“Signed up? Can you believe this? Humans.”
“Shut up! You’re lucky I didn’t just toss you in the stream and let the fish eat you!”
“I don’t want it anyways. Besides, you tried to rob me last time. You’re here on sufferance because I feel bad for you.”
“Yes, we wouldn’t want to ruin the enjoyment of mindless thugs like yourself.”
“You multiplied. Can Humans do that?”
“Shut up! You’re lucky I didn’t just toss you in the stream and let the fish eat you!”
“Oh, sorry we forgot to pay. We’re in a hurry so—put it on our tab!”
“I am a powerful [Mage] far beyond your capabilities. Even if your paltry Skills cannot detect my—capabilities—you would do well to be wary of my hidden…capabilities.”
“And speaking of which…we’ve gotta go. It’s my day off, but we’ll report that annoying Human maggot-mage back at the barracks. If we move fast, we might get him before he runs too far.”
“Right. Good. Anyways, we’re the ones with weapons, and you’re just a [Mage]. Not a high-level one either or you’d be teleporting away.”
“Or—or you could not. Isn’t that what nice guardsmen do? You could just arrest him and skip the punching, right?”
“Hold on, hold on. We don’t need to beat up Pisces. Like I said, he only tried to rob me. And I already hit him with a pot. What’s this about beating him up?”
“…What tab?”
“Oh, he’s probably as dangerous as a frog in a fight. That’s not the problem.”
“You are lying.”
“If you can.”
“Relax. I would prefer not to damage this establishment. Nor would the owner or even you, I suspect.”
“But he’s Human.”
“Yeah. Last night, I was visited by a scary monster. But when I hit it with a pa—pot, it turned out just to be him. So I got him to pay up for scaring me. That covers all the food he ate, I guess.”
“Aren’t there rules? Like, rules against police—guardsmen hurting people once they’re caught? Like…like no beating someone once they’re on the ground?”
“Okay. So you’re saying [Mage] means anyone who uses magic. Next time, just say that.”
“Don’t worry, miss. We’ll do the punching outside where you don’t have to see.”
“What? How come you remembered this idiot’s name and not mine?”
“You want pasta? It’s in the kitchen. Get it yourself.”
“But one you sign up for, right? I mean, sure, it’s a great job, but—it’s just a job, right?”
“Gotcha. Tried to run from me, did you? No one ever gets away.”
“Yeah, but he called me a common thug. I want to punch him for that.”
“Look, I’m not sure what Humans do, but in our city, the city watch isn’t like mercenaries or personal bodyguards. We don’t just sign up. We have to be voted in.”
“I know that! I just don’t know what I’m seeing! Should I? It’s not like there’s a sign or anything around here. And I can’t see it at all times.”
“Perhaps if you explained our function more properly there would be no need for outrage. Clearly, the nature of guardspeople differs culturally. I thought Humans did it quite similarly in the north, but…elaborate, Relc.”
“Yeah, let’s calm down before someone gets hurt. Like me.”
“Look, the city’s that way. It’s only a twenty-minute walk, and there aren’t many monsters along the way. Besides, once you get within a few miles, the area is regularly patrolled, so you won’t have any problems. And if those idiots at the gate stop you—which they won’t—just tell them you know me.”
“I believe Humans have more limited eyesight than you or I.”
“Really? I thought—he didn’t seem dangerous. I mean, I hit him with a pot, and that knocked him out.”
“Not entirely. I do believe my companion would earn a small fee for directing any business to his associates.”
“No, it’s really not. It could be a rock. A square rock.”
“Ah. I see the good [Innkeeper] holds a grudge. Well, I’m not sure what she told you two, but I assure you, I have compensated her more than adequately for my…mistake. It’s nothing two soldiers need concern themselves with.”
“With magic, how else? Some shortsighted fool must have cast a localized weather control spell. Impressive, I suppose, but clumsy in execution. As for magical rain—have you never observed glowing rain in any color? Magical typhoons? Ah…raining toads?”
“Indeed you will. This is an affront!”
“Sorry—sorry. It’s just the pincers. And the eyes. It’s just—sorry.”
“And you didn’t think to report him to anyone?”
“…You mean, you don’t know? By the way, things look smaller in the distance, Miss Solstice.”
“Good morning everyone! Weird Ant behind me, friendly Human, and—oh.”
“I am merely pointing out the truth.”
“I am completely innocent—utterly so. These baseless accusations are false and—”
“What? Oh no, that’s just Pisces. He’s annoying, so ignore him.”
“If we’re done with the lovely chatting, my glass is empty. Isn’t attending to one’s customers part of my service?”
“Yeah. Hey—shut up!”
“Um, where is it? Is it that teensy little wall of stone in the distance?”
“I do not believe she can, in point of fact.”
“How discourteous. I believe I shall bring my business elsewhere next time.”
“And…you let him come back for breakfast?”
“Oh, but it is, it is! And you’re wrong, by the way.”
“Well, it’s not like he’s dangerous. Just annoying.”
“Do you want something? I don’t do magic upon request. If you seek a certain spell, I would be happy to discuss my remunerations…later.”
“Um. Isn’t that wrong?”
“Sorry. Again. But…you said rob? As in, that guy over there tried to rob you?”
“Alas, I did not anticipate an arrest, and my gear is signed out at the barracks. I am without manacles or spell-bind rope. We shall have to be attentive with its lack. Unless Miss Solstice has anything to bind him with?”
“Or me. However, you should encounter no problems. Only those with past records of crime are unwelcome in Liscor.”
“I am unsure of when he left. He may have escaped only a few minutes ago. We may still catch him if we hurry.”
“I did not say specialization is absent from the magical world. Rather, shall we say that those are titles for mages who meet certain requirements? A [Wizard] is an arcane researcher and true student of the arcane arts. Such individuals are similar to myself, but prefer to study the mainstream branches of magic. [Sorcerers], on the other hand, are quite simplistic and refer to those who use no spellbooks and have little formal education. [Warlocks] obtain their powers from other sources such as summoning, while [Witches] practice alchemy along with specialized schools of magic. Their…very peculiar magic, which is so rooted in folklore. Nevertheless, [Mage] remains the generally accepted title to refer to all those who practice magic as a catchall moniker…”
“You can do that? Like—sensing each other’s power levels? Really? How?”
“Plus, we already know all about you and your crimes.”
“I believe that may be a Human standard.”
“It’s not a rock. Why are you having a hard time believing me? Can’t you see the buildings?”
“You sure about that? Really sure, I mean?”
“I believe she is saying insults to our position are quite common.”
“He’s not my friend.”
“Seldom. It is a seasonal weather pattern to rain like this in the spring. Fall downpours like these are an aberration. Normally, I would not hazard a guess at how long the rain would fall, but someone has been interfering with the weather. So we’ll have a brief storm, that’s all. Hardly anything as memorable as magical rain.”
“I have studied countless schools of magic. You see before you a practitioner of the elements, a weaver of illusions, a refined chanter, a master of alchemy, pyromancy, aeromancy, geomancy—”
“Ahem. Of course, that is how the phenomenon actually occurs. But the impetus is largely magical…I see you know your way around some natural events. This particular storm will not be raining any creatures, however. It truly was someone simply sending unwanted rain our way. It may be a scandal, although given how the Drake cities squabble—I detected it from the south. Perhaps as far as Pallass.”
“Yeah. We’ve got to keep it on us at all times. Some guys wear it on their chests, but it can get ripped off. Besides…”
“Very true. Our absence was most lamentable. But allow us to perform our duty now. Incidentally, Mistress Solstice, the pasta was delicious.”
“Yes. And it’s not as if this is a particularly difficult task. I realize it may look so to the uninitiated, but a spell like this could easily be cast by a level 30 [Mage]. Less, I suppose, if the individual were specialized.”
“Aha. Accept my apologies. But if you are referring to one of my exalted brethren, mage is the best term to use.”
“The fee was extorted under duress.”
“And me. A second plate and a refill of my drink, if you would.”
“Don’t be snippy. But it’s easy to spot. Look, you can even see it out the window here.”
“I would be delighted to try the blue fruit. I believe my tongue-tied partner would like some as well.”
“Oh. Oh. I forgot. And besides, you weren’t here yesterday.”
“The fee was extorted under duress.”
“What? That’s stupid.”
“Do we have rules like that?”
“Relc! I’ve got the name, now. And I’ve got more pasta. Well, it’s old pasta, but it still tastes good! And more blue juice. And blue fruit! It’s, uh, not poisonous if you only eat the outer bit.”
“Nice customer you’ve got here.”
“If you would be so kind. Thank you, Miss Erin. It is Klbkch, but you may refer to me as Senior Guardsman if that is simpler.”
“That’s quite useful! Most craftsman and artisan classes get that early on. I guess [Innkeepers] are sorta like that, right? Got to take care of the inn, repair windows, fix tables, and all that.”
“Well, you’ve got the Skill for it, so it’ll be a breeze. And you can buy a hammer no problem. Just head down to the city, and you can get a good one for only a silver coin or two. Tell you what, if you’re ever in the area, I’ll help you get one at a discount.”
“Wrong? Why would it be wrong?”
“Fewer words. Get to the point.”
“Too bad!”
“Shut up. Do you have to ruin everything I say?”
“Less than an hour, but we won’t be able to stay. Sorry. I’ll try to get the patrol out faster, but you know how it is. We’ve got to shift around guardsmen on patrol, set trackers, get armed up, etc.”
“I believe staring is considered rude in most cultures. Sit down and cease your rudeness.”
“We should be able to cover the distance in approximately ten minutes if we run.”
“Really? I thought you just…signed up.”
“Raining toads? Doesn’t that only happen when a tornado picks them up?”
“No, not that. It’s just—the city.”
“He’s not invisible? He did that once.”
“Don’t—don’t do that!”
“Doesn’t stick so well on scales. Anyways, we’ve gotta pay a fine if we lose it, so why risk it, right? I only need it when I want to prove who I am or pull rank, anyways.”
“Good throw, huh?”
“Do not be alarmed. I mean you no harm.”
“Merely another branch of magic, good Mistress Erin. I note you don’t have the same aversion as a less-informed fool. Let me assure you—”
“Such as?”
“Interfering with the weather? How? And what do you mean—magical rain? Like what?”
“No—no need, good Mistress Solstice. I am quite satisfied at the moment.”
“So we’ve gotta go. Why? Are you worried he’ll attack you?”
“Well, yeah. Isn’t it obvious?”
“Indeed. It is unfortunate we must leave so soon. Our apologies, Miss Solstice.”
“I would be only too happy to. But I fear I was quite parched, and if you would be so good…?”
“You asked. I was merely fulfilling my role as a guest.”
“My specialization lies in other areas.”
“Is this place open? Do you provide sustenan—food? I pay, I eat?”
“Wow, that’s far, right? Wouldn’t you have to be a pretty powerful sorcerer to do that?”
“Please excuse my companion’s lack of tact.”
“Hey, you two! Klb—Klbk? It’s been a while. I guess. But come in. Or come in more. Have a seat. Want something to eat?”
“…No. Sorry. It’s just been a busy two days.”
“[Basic Crafting]. It helped me make a basket out of grass.”
“I guess. I haven’t ever tried that, and besides, I don’t have a hammer. Actually, I’ve never swung a hammer in my life.”
“Well…stop it.”
“Oh, good. I got worried there for a second.”
“I’m sure. I’m sure. And I’m not scared. Just—surprised.”
“Klbkch, got anything to tie him up with?”
“Sorry. It’s just—uh, you know. I’ve got a bad memory.”
“Indeed. It has been nice to make your acquaintance.”
“Ah. Eh. Um, what I meant was—”
“Humans. They’re so—”
“Please pardon our intrusion. Is this establishment open for business?”
“Ooh, pasta!”
“So, how’re you doing? Level up again?”
“Ooh, congratulations! Did you get a new skill?”
“Can you?”
“Good. For you. So what, a—mage did this?”
“Where did you find—stay out of my kitchen.”
“It happens quite often. A natural weather phenomenon, you know.”
“Um. Very well. Are you open today?”
“Greetings, good Mistress. I was wondering if I could impose upon you—”
“As I said, not that impressive. Many mages could cast a spell like this.”
“Really?”
“The term is mage, good Mistress.”
“It’s early. Yes, I guess I am open. Come in.”
“A pity. But we shall do without.”
“Actually, I would prefer—”
“Ten a what?”
“Right, well. It’s still not—okay.”
“Nice. So that’s your official badge?”
“Oh. Okay. But, uh, does that mean—how long does it take to get back?”
“So. Does…that mean you’ll be back soon?”
“No, I can’t.”
“…Is it that grey stuff there?”
“Oh, really?”
“Really? That’s really generous. Thank you.”
“Actually, I did. Right after you two left.”
“I don’t care! You don’t kill people just because they practice stupid magic! And you don’t kill people just because you don’t like them! And you don’t kill people because killing people is wrong!”
“Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, this is outside your jurisdiction! You said it yourself—you don’t patrol my inn! Therefore, it is my inn, and I deny your city’s authority here!”
“That’s what I think of your spells. I’m a former soldier of the 4th Wing of the Liscorian Army. I’ve killed more [Mages] than you have levels. Now, are you going to die quiet or will I have to pay for painting the walls red with your blood?”
“I have only ever done what I loved. Slay me as well, you thoughtless fools. Just like all of my kind. One day—one of us will follow Az’kerash.”
“Are you stupid? I don’t want anyone killing anyone! You can’t do it! I forbid it! It’s wrong! It’s illegal.”
“You do that—and I’ll tell all the people who vouched for you that Senior Guardsman Relc arrested someone after a fight he started. You have no proof, no testimony, and I’m pretty sure if you arrest him, that’s illegal. There are laws, and you have to follow them. If this isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this, you could get a permanent citation on your record.”
“So, what? If I don’t decide to help you, will you hurt me? Bash my brains in? Or will you just rip my clothes off and try to rape me?”
“Nice last words. But remember—your Necromancer died here. Miles from this very spot. The Tidebreaker was his end.”
“Not likely. I’m gutting you like a fish right here.”
“If I had a knife in my hand, I’d stab you.”
“Move and I will stab you.”
“No fighting. Not here. And no killing!”
“Prove it.”
“…I believe I am incorrect. Relc, the Watch has no authority here. This is an independent inn, and the [Innkeeper] is allowed to deny our authority here.”
“I withdraw my testimony.”
“He didn’t want to tell you the truth! But he and I both know what happens to [Necromancers]. We—any mage possessing even a single level in the class—are all killed on sight in this part of the world! There’s no mercy for my kind here. The legacy of the Necromancer of Terandria, Az’kerash, lingers. Especially here, where his armies once sieged Liscor.”
“Still don’t care. I don’t need money if I can get rid of a stinking fleshbag like you.”
“Please, I beg of you. Just one night. Just give me sanctuary, and I swear I will be gone upon the morrow. It is my death without your aid. Would you kill me? I ask you as a fellow Human. Please.”
“Prove. It. Can you? Is there a way to check his, uh, class?”
“I withdraw it. All of it. I was never attacked yesterday. This mage-guy never visited the inn, and I never saw him until today. So there’s no reason for you to arrest him.”
“I don’t care! No killing, do you hear me?”
“That would be inadvisable, Relc. We are off-duty, and Miss Solstice has stated her case. Executing a [Mage] of Wistram might also affect the Academy’s relationship with our city. Which the Council and Watch Captain would not be happy about.”
“Males.”
“Are you serious? One word to our Watch Captain and she’ll send a patrol back to capture this idiot! And if we don’t arrest him, you have a [Necromancer] running around! You want us to let him go knowing his class?”
“I was, in fact, upstairs the entire time. Under a bed. It was the simplest solution given the intelligence of those two brutish guardsmen.”
“Innocent? You? You’re nothing more than a thug with a magic wand. Remember how we met? You tried to scare me into giving you food. And now you want protection because you’re getting your just desserts? No. No, when I see Relc again, you’d better be long gone from here. And if you don’t leave now, I’ll kick you out myself.”
“What? No! No killing! Do you hear me?”
“You punched his brains out! That’s not enough to kill him over!”
“By that? You think a piddly little [Barrier of Air] spell is going to stop me?”
“Humans!”
“But he’s still a [Necromancer]! That’s a crime no matter what he does! And he attacked us!”
“I—I seek no quarrel with you. I am a graduate of Wistram Academy and a practicing mage. You detain me at your peril.”
“If I am caught, they will take me to the city. And there I will be judged and killed. This is a certainty, Mistress Erin.”
“Then I’ll arrest him, and he’ll be executed tomorrow. Happy?”
“I could still arrest him for attacking me. Yeah. I’ll just do that. Who cares about testimony or whatever?”
“However. As Senior Guardsman Klbkch, I will vouch for my partner to take this Human into custody for unlawful practices which include extortion, theft, and intimidation, which we have every right to suspect, with or without your testimony.”
“You take one step in the city and I’ll—I’ll—you take one step in there and I’ll do something about it. If I so much as see you on my patrol—”
“Do not mind him. You are within your rights to enforce law within this establishment as you choose. I apologize for the mess on both our behalves.”
“I believe Senior Guardsman Relc does have just cause, Miss Erin Solstice. It is true that his personal sworn testimony would be called into question if you were to speak against him. [Detect Truth] spells would settle that matter, but Relc’s history of inappropriate conduct on-and-off-duty does not help his case.”
“Wait—what did she just say? Jurisdic—we don’t do that, do we, Klb? Buddy?”
“Ah, but what good innkeeper would deprive herself of such a magnificent guest?”
“I am a man in desperate straits. You would do well not to underestimate what I am capable of.”
“I can’t believe this. Are you defending him? Because he’s Human? Or do you not want the blood in here? In that case, I’ll take him out back and—”
“Of course I wouldn’t do that. I’m no barbarian—”
“Last words, [Mage]?”
“Antagonizing one of my power is unwise. If you have any sense, you will accede to my request. Or know the consequences.”
“No, he’s an idiot. But he didn’t do anything wrong enough to die for. All he did was try to scare me.”
“What? Then let’s arrest her too!”
“I can be ransomed. Quite highly! My school will pay ten—thirty gold coins in whichever denomination you like for my return.”
“Absolutely.”
“Oh no. Absolutely not. You’re all wrong, Klbkch.”
“So it would appear.”
“Yes, you can. You have no cause whatsoever to arrest Pisces.”
“She is correct. Without her testimony, we cannot submit a report regarding his attempted thefts.”
“You want something. What? To stay here? No. Nope. No way in hell.”
“I will cease all magic and go with you quietly if you assure my life. I meant no harm to you or your companion. But we are at an impasse until you do.”
“Even if you’re in danger, I’m in danger if I hide you. I’m not doing that. Run away. Just run away now.”
“Right, for how long? Days? Weeks? Months? And I get to feed you, make sure no one finds you, and clean up after you? Again: no. I’m barely getting enough food for myself as it is.”
“Is useless. Surrender.”
“Klb! Get over here and help! This guy’s slipperier than he looks!”
“I assure you I would be a quite convivial guest. And I wouldn’t ask for much. In fact, you may be interested to know I am proficient in multiple schools of spellcasting. While necromancy is a—passion of mine, I have extensively studied the elementalist, illusory, and enchanting schools of magic. My level is over twenty in the general [Mage] class. Even amongst my fellow students, you would be hard-pressed to find a spellcaster as widely capable as I am. I can aid in a number of functions that would improve your inn. And I have money.”
“He hit me with lightning!”
“I assure you, my life is worth far more than you would ever get for me dead. This can all be solved amicably. I will fully cooperate—”
“Regardless of your affiliation to any academy, you are still under arrest. Please surrender now or I will be forced to employ lethal force.”
“Out.”
“Except here.”
“Then go. Now.”
“Shut up.”
“I do not believe I am.”
“Out.”
“I know.”
“In point of fact, my comrade’s actions are not—”
“No. Out.”
“They will have patrols out around the city. They will scour the grasslands for me. Please, if you were to hide me, I would be sure to survive.”
“That is well. Then, please stand clear. We will be going about our business, and I would not wish you hurt.”
“Stop moving! Hey!”
“Please, spare my life. If you have any pity in your soul—”
“Money is shiny. But, uh, inedible. And it’s good to have money, but starvation is an issue.”
“Why should I? Give me one good reason, Pisces.”
“Well—well too bad.”
“Please forgive my rudeness. Are you well? We doubled back and lingered, knowing the criminal may have only pretended to flee the area. Are you hurt or in need of assistance?”
“Good.”
“Please, hear me out. Rest assured, I bear you no ill will for reporting my actions to the guard. I fully appreciate the severity of my crimes, however—”
“You can’t do that!”
“Klb—help me out here!”
“No, I can’t.”
“I don’t know how I can thank you, good M—Miss Erin. Please, accept my humblest—”
“Now, now. Let’s not be hasty, good Mistress. I was merely saying—”
“No!”
“I assure you, you will never see—”
“Gutting? Hey, that’s—”
“He’s a criminal.”
“Males. They eat and eat and eat. And then I have to clean up the dishes. Typical.”
“Where did you come from? I didn’t hear you come in through the door.”
“In point of fact, I was wondering if I might persuade you to shelter and provide me with my basic necessities while in this moment of dire need. I can provide you with adequate recompense, I assure you—”
“Please, please reconsider.”
“There you are!”
“Relc never said—”
“—Allow me to apologize. But if I might say a few words—”
“You squirming—”
“No. Go.”
“Hey!”
“Good job, I guess. But they’re still going to find you. You’re a criminal, and you’ve got nowhere to hide.”
“So I’m in trouble.”
“Please, please, good Mistress, let’s not be hasty!”
“Gotcha!”
“I—I give up.”
“Desist your actions or—”
“You. You’re stinking up this place with dirt and filth. I can smell the things you’ve rolled in. You haven’t washed in—dead gods. I’m covered in Shield Spider guts and you smell worse! Take a bath before you come back here.”
“I don’t like Humans. They smell. You smell like garbage. Like rancid oil and flames and things that turn my stomach. And Goblins and dust and mold.”
“And I want food. Real food. Not fruit. I want bread! I want pasta! I want pizza and soda and salad and ice cream—actually, forget the ice cream. I need meat. Or fish that doesn’t bite back! I want sushi, cheeseburgers and fries, toast, waffles…cereal…”
“And a sword. I need a sword. And a shield? And armor? And, uh, anti-Goblin spray? Oh, and books! Tons of books. Maps, history books…can I read any of that? Well, Relc and Klbkch speak English. So that’s weird too. And I need bandages, a sewing needle, someone to teach me how to sew…”
“What do I do if I get super-lost? Remember that street name. Squiggly line…got it. And if I can’t remember it or find my way back? Amsterdam, chess tournament. Start crying and ask where mom is…No, wait, I’m older now. Uh—uh—”
“Drassi! This is the eleventh time this week! I’ve told you again and again, stop gossiping. I don’t care what your class is—enough. You’re friendly, but you’re also fired.”
“To go to the city or not, that is the question. Actually, there’s no question. I need to go to the city. I need to go…shopping.”
“What, the Mage’s Guild? You can’t read, Miss Human? Right, you don’t read Drake script. Are you looking for the Mage’s Guild? Runner’s Guild? Adventurer’s Guild? An inn to stay in? Stables? The Watch, maybe? I’m Drassi.”
“Great. They’re like cockroaches. Evil, giant, green cockroaches. With teeth. And sharp knives. And red eyes.”
“—by the tribes and fur knots. All the lice in Izril! All the lice in Izril and—and Raskghar on these stupid paving stones!”
“Real mages. That is so cool.”
“Um. Hi. Are you—are you a wolf-person?”
“Typical. You go for the top half because the antlers are worth money to the [Alchemists]. Nevermind the intestines being good for sausage or all the organs like the liver and—stop growling at me. I know, Shield Spiders. Damn it. Alright…let me check the quality of the meat. Give me a few minutes. And get a bucket of water and wash yourself off. You’re going to attract Acid Flies.”
“If you’ve got a bounty—Shield Spiders—I’ll process it now. But this Human was just asking directions. You can’t just kick someone out who—”
“Am I an innkeeper? Is that what this world is doing to me?”
“I’ll grow a huge beer belly and start hauling around kegs of ale. That’s what innkeepers do, right?”
“And I need to rob a bank.”
“Horses eat grass, but I’ll pass, so I’ll go to the city fast. Or I’ll die of starvation! And once I’m there, I’ll eat ten pears and—hey, is that a Goblin?”
“…Right. It’s just that I’m new here. And I’m Human. Nice to meet you. My name is Erin. I, uh, know another guy who works with you. Relc? And Klb…Klb…the insect guy? So yeah. They know me. I’m no threat. And, uh, I saw some Goblins running around a while back. They’re not here right now, but I felt you should know.”
“That must be city hall or something. And the place with the wand—was that a magic shop…do they teach magic there? Do they sell wands? Wow. Wow. And I just need to find…a regular people shop.”
“I dropped it once, okay? It’s not bad, no! And as for cutting it in half—I thought I saw a Shield Spider nest near me. They would have been over the kill—and me—in minutes. The hide’s fine. You can make boots out of what’s here. How much for it all?”
“I don’t want Humans in here. You don’t belong.”
“Well, I can’t leave the desk, but I can give you some directions. No wonder you were lost—you can’t read any of the signs, can you? Your people normally stick to the north; Esthelm’s as far as most get. What brings you out so far? Oh, and what are you looking for?”
“—broke up again. Hawk can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a month, Courier and gold or not. It’s his obsession with vegetables.”
“Begone.”
“Well, if it’s food and general supplies you’re looking for, try the market two streets down from here. To get to it, just take a left as you walk out of here and then turn right, and you’ll be there in no time. They’d also have some clothes there, but I’m not sure if they have any made for Humans. What kind of teleportation spell did that? You mean, people teleportation? Gone wrong? That would be a huge scandal. Anyways, the market will have everything you need.”
“Even instant ramen would be nice. Is that too much to ask?”
“A Human? We haven’t seen one of them in…I wonder if another trade caravan’s getting here?”
“Er…apologies, Miss Human. We don’t see many of your kind around here, yes? A [Trader], a traveller? No need to apologize. [Broader Shoulders] means only I can carry a deer back! Half of one, at any rate. If only I had a bag of holding large enough for an entire deer, eh? I wouldn’t make a Human help me lift one of these!”
“Hold on, now. She’s just lost.”
“That’s because Humans can’t smell anything.”
“Tribes and tribulations. Excuse me, Miss. Watch the blood. If that [Guardsman] asks…pretend you never saw me. I’ve got to get this to the [Butchers] before the Acid Flies are all over.”
“Do I look like a Wolf Beastkin?”
“Oh. Yeah. Um, I’m really sorry about that. It’s just that I’ve been sort of fending for myself, and I didn’t have a change of clothes so—”
“Humans.”
“Oh no. I’m, uh, an innkeeper. I guess. Or maybe a wanderer? Actually, I’m just new around here.”
“Um. A teleportation spell got me here? And I need food. Flour, oil, butter, salt…that kind of thing. And I need clothing. Lots of clothing. And toothpaste!”
“…Just the lamp.”
“An [Innkeeper], is it? Are you opening up a business here? Humans almost never move to Liscor. I’m Selys, by the way. I should have said so from the start. My apologies.”
“It’s far. But I have to go. Maybe? Yes…no. No? Yes. I need food. And I need to feed my guests. It’s my duty as an innkeeper.”
“Sorry? Sorry? When this wheel runs over your foot, no healing potion in the world is going to get it back. Do you think I want that on my conscience?”
“Oh, no! I’m, um—sorry I didn’t help? Sorry you fell?”
“They never mentioned innkeepers in the legend of King Arthur. Or did they?”
“Humans.”
“What? But I can work harder! Come on, Mister Drells…”
“Are you blind? Stay on the sidewalk! I nearly ran you over!”
“I’m a Gnoll.”
“Oh, I see! No worries, Miss Human. You’re just in the wrong spot, but I can give you directions if you’d like.”
“Oh, hush. He’s fine. He’s more Drake than you are. I’m just saying—”
“You just gave me a damned Corusdeer. Half of one.”
“I’m Erin. Erin Solstice. And no, I’m not, uh, innkeeping here. I live outside the city. In an inn a ways away. I guess. I just came here, because I needed to go shopping. Badly.”
“Shoo!”
“Where’s the other half? You didn’t skin it first? You’ve ruined the hide—and there’s dirt on this part! Did you drag it back?”
“Get out of the way, you idiot!”
“That’s quite alright. Not everyone needs to use an Adventurer’s Guild. Most never will, hopefully. If you’ve never needed any services, let me give you the basic explanation. Here you can let the Guild know about dangerous monsters in your area, post quests and offer rewards, or if you’re an adventurer yourself, you can go look at assignments or receive your reward.”
“Didn’t they have one back in your city?”
“Unless I go to the city.”
“They lied to me.”
“Oh, that’s great. Thank you so much. About how I got here—I don’t know if it was an accident or me—maybe teleportation! But um. Right now I’m just trying to get by. So the market is two streets down and left and right…?”
“Good day, Miss. How can we help you today? Do you have a bounty or request to post? Or are you registering?”
“Uh, is this a store?”
“This is the Adventurer’s Guild. That lot didn’t tip you off?”
“One side, Human! Stop blocking the way!”
“You’re in my way. This is for adventurers.”
“Typical Humans. Walking in here, stinking up the market, and insulting any non-Humans you find. You should be grateful the Guard doesn’t run you out of the city! First that damn [Necromancer] comes here, and now this smelly one that can’t even read.”
“Still, she’s interesting. Erin, or whatever her name is. She makes a mean plate of pasta, let me tell you. And she’s tougher than she looks—I didn’t think any Human could survive out in the Floodplains that long. She’s funny too.”
“They’re interesting and entertaining, but they don’t have much inside their fleshy heads. I’d never trust a Human to have my back. Drakes stick together and Humans do their thing in the north, am I right?”
“Hey, I’m telling the truth here. Little Miss Human isn’t that bad. You should meet her. But let me tell you, she can also be pretty annoying. Remember that [Necromancer] guy I told you me and Klbkch tracked down? She wouldn’t let us kill him even after he blasted us both with a few spells. Just kept saying that he wasn’t that bad.”
“I really didn’t mean it. It’s just—[Necromancers], y’know? They’re dangerous. And it’s best to kill them on sight. You ever seen a thousand zombies trying to eat anything in sight? Even if they’re low-level, even if they play nice, I could never trust a [Necromancer].”
“Two coppers per ear…nah. Stick. Stick. You’ve gotta put them on sticks and—you know what? She can figure out how she wants to mount them.”
“Got you bastards. You can’t run from Relc! Damn, I thought there were three of you? Whatever. If Erin doesn’t love this—now I need to find some wood. Damn. I should be having dinner!”
“Right, right. Well, if you remembered his face, I could find who sold you all that, but I doubt anyone’d bear witness against him. And there’s not much for me to go on. I mean, he sold you overpriced goods but it was your fault as well. No offense meant, Miss, but how’d you trade a gold coin for a sack or two of flour?”
“Especially not if they’re Human.”
“It was nothing. They’re no threat to me or anyone with a few levels in any warrior class. But don’t worry about those pests. I said I’d make it up to you, didn’t I? I’ll do something about them.”
“It’s not often I get to rescue a damsel in distress. That’s what they call Human females, right? Damsels? Anyways, I saw you were in trouble, so I immediately rushed to help.”
“Everything would be so much simpler if she could read. Was that too much to ask?”
“No. If Klbkch can do it, so can I. Anything that damn bug can do I can do better. But hey, what’s this about a Human? Is it that female one I was telling you about?”
“Hey! Slither off, you little bastards!”
“Really? What kind of rotscale sold you—why did you spend that much money?”
“But that’s what you think.”
“…Can I buy a bag?”
“I still don’t get it. There’s no scales, nothing firm to grab. What’s the point?”
“I’ll bet. No wonder you don’t worry about hurting yourself, you smooth-scaled bastard.”
“Hey, Miss Human! Wait! I didn’t mean it!”
“Sausages. Mm. But hey, why didn’t you buy any clothes? I thought all females loved clothes, Drake or Human.”
“Okay, okay. So they weren’t that dangerous. And I was just doing my job; true. But I am sorry. Really. I said too much back there.”
“Yeah. He said she was really annoying. And she talked too much.”
“Humans. I don’t know why you’re interested in this one. It’s certainly not the smell, to hear Belsc talk.”
“Look, I’m still really sorry about before. I didn’t mean—well, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“Human, I have a business to run and a store to manage! Either pay me my price or be gone. You won’t find a better offer in this market.”
“So, how’s my favorite Human doing? Good? Bad? Um. I, uh, don’t suppose you heard what I was saying. It was just a joke, really. I didn’t mean…”
“Right at the start. Did you see her expression? Relc’s not gonna have an easy time explaining that.”
“Anyways, Humans. Haven’t seen one in a long time. Did you see it? So fleshy.”
“If you’re done grubbing in the dirt, I have more customers to serve.”
“You, Human! If you’re looking for a bargain, shop here!”
“I hear they roll around in their own filth.”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“I just thought it was the right price, I guess. I didn’t want to argue.”
“It was the last skill I got from my [Sergeant] class. I think you get it in [Spearmaster] as well, but I don’t know. Either way, it’s a life-saver.”
“Don’t touch. You’ll stink it up with your Human smell.”
“Lism!”
“I can’t read the language here.”
“Look, I know I was sort of—okay, I was rude, but let’s talk. Hello? Are you listening?”
“I need to buy fresher pillows. And blankets. Or laundry detergent. When I have the money for it.”
“Disgusting. Why’s Relc interested in one anyways?”
“A couple gold coins. Some silver ones.”
“Well, I could go back to the market and ask around. But—I don’t suppose you caught the name of the store.”
“Serves him right. But did you smell her?”
“Belsc—the guy on eastern gate duty—he didn’t say much other than that he thought it was a Human female. What was the name of the one you met?”
“No. I mean, there’s food in here, but that’s only a few silver coins at best. I’m sure you had more than that, right? How much did you spend?”
“Then stop flipping. It’s annoying, and you keep nearly hitting people. Remember poor Tkrn the day he signed up? He still flinches whenever he sees a dagger.”
“Yeah. Humans. They don’t wash.”
“I just gave you my price. Take it or leave it.”
“Oh come on. Don’t be like that. I just—well, it was just me being careless, alright? Let’s talk. Please?”
“I don’t have all day to play fetch for you, Human. Just tell me what you want to buy first.”
“You’ve got no talent for that game. If you didn’t have [Thick Scales], you’d have cut your hand off years ago.”
“No touching the food with your filthy hands unless you’re buying!”
“Kicked out of three shops. And two homes. And then the Adventurer’s Guild.”
“Are—are you sure that’s the price? I mean, it sounds like a lot—”
“I didn’t have enough money.”
“Hello there, Miss Erin. Fancy meeting you here.”
“Search me. Maybe it’s just Relc. He’s weird.”
“I…could help you find what you want. Krshia’s Silverfang Goods. Do you have anything you want or—?”
“Magic. Either that or they’re all bilingual. Or trilingual. Or something.”
“I truly hate this world.”
“I don’t want to kill you.”
“Knight to D4. Pawn to E3.”
“It’s all just a game.”
“Checkmate.”
“I’ll think. I’ll think for once about it.”
“I didn’t kill them.”
“Checkmate.”
“I didn’t kill them, but it doesn’t matter.”
“Oh Father who art in Heaven…”
“I can’t do it.”
“——————? ——?”
“If only it were dying.”
“——? ——. ————!”
“——————!”
“Checkmate.”
“——!”
“Sorry about that, Miss Erin. You see, I was just disposing of the Goblins. Call it me making up for yesterday. But now that they’re gone, the others should leave you alone, especially once I set these up around the inn. Uh, do you have any sticks? I need some sticks or something.”
“They’re murderers. And so am I. Don’t kill them.”
“Your leveling is stupid. Your skills are stupid. I hate your world’s classes, I hate your city, and I hate you.”
“All those that Think—Feel. From Feeling do we Act. It is in Action that we Level. All those who Think have a Class. And it is in that Class which we find destiny.”
“Many clues lead me to this conclusion. Your curiosity about levels and classes, your mysterious arrival, and this ‘Michigan,’ which is no nation recorded in any book or map. But most of all, it was this last moment. No Human would weep for a Goblin.”
“I’m just having a bad—I mean, it’s been—I hate this world. But I didn’t mean that last bit about you. You’re okay. Everyone else can go to hell.”
“Good night to you. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience. I shall take my leave.”
“I took no offense, Miss Solstice. I realize you have gone through a traumatic event. The fault lies with me for not being more receptive to your distress. I should have provided more comfort and companionship. In that, my partner Relc is occasionally more effective than I.”
“Allow me to apologize on both our behalves. Words cannot express my shame.”
“I see. It is a long way to Rhir. Here. Please accept this.”
“The Antinium? We do not weep.”
“That’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not. We don’t have levels, and we don’t learn Skills like we’re in a video game. We don’t have classes except for ones in school, and we don’t need levels to learn things.”
“Say rather that it has become obvious. It is an unbelievable statement, but it is the only one I can come to.”
“It is part of the lessons any child learns. The exact wording comes from a book: The Book of Levels, which was originally written nearly twenty thousand years ago. Copies of this text are among the few mainstream works that have been faithfully reproduced into this age. I have studied it extensively upon coming to this continent to understand the mentality of the peoples here, as well as levels and classes in general.”
“Many would argue otherwise, Miss Solstice. Goblins are considered monsters and bandits for the purposes of determining crime under Liscorian law. They are killers who prey on the weak. You have nearly died at the hands of one.”
“I’m okay. Really. I just—I’m from somewhere else. Another world. This place is different. I just—I just don’t want to talk about it right now. It’s been a bad day.”
“I do not understand your reasoning. But I will accede to your request. Know that I will defend myself with lethal force if attacked, however.”
“You are not from here, are you, Miss Solstice?”
“It is simply how we live our life. This is a universal truth throughout the world. Is yours not the same?”
“I do not mean this country or even this continent. You are not from here, are you?”
“One last question, Miss Solstice, if I may? What caused the Goblin Chieftain to attack you in the first place? It is rare that the tribal leader takes any aggressive action if unprovoked.”
“No. No killing Goblins.”
“Good thing you’re here. Let me tell you, that Erin girl? Stupidest Human I’ve ever met. Do you know what she did this morning?”
“I had made the observation that you were not from this world, Miss Solstice.”
“Then you have a commonality with many non-Antinium species. My apologies. I should not be asking such questions now. You are still in shock.”
“Indeed not. Two individuals taking the [Soldier] class, for instance, may learn different Skills at the same level. It is a matter of need and inclination which allows individuals to learn skills. For instance, while Relc is a higher-level warrior than I, he is not of a higher level in the actual [Guardsman] class and thus does not possess the [Detect Guilt] skill.”
“I’m not in shock. I’m really not. I’m just—tired.”
“They’re vicious, evil little monsters. And they’d probably eat me if they could.”
“You are still suffering from this encounter. Your mental state is unbalanced.”
“I will remain here with your permission. It would be unwise to—”
“They are worthy skills. Unusual for the [Innkeeper] class, but not unheard of.”
“…I didn’t mean that.”
“Not really. Sort of. I guess? But why are there levels in the first place?”
“I buried it outside. Far from the inn, in pieces, to prevent chance reanimation. Worry not.”
“I mean no offense. It is simply that all beings know how classes and skills work.”
“This is true. Over a quarter of the deaths of travellers on the roads around Liscor are due to Goblin attacks. They are murderers.”
“Of course. Forgive my rudeness. But if I may, I would like to suggest a course of action.”
“Respectfully, I must disagree. Though the Goblin Chieftain is dead, his tribe may seek vengeance.”
“Another sign you do not belong to this world, Miss Solstice.”
“Learning skills is not merely a matter of levels. Classes and leveling are simply the basis of our lives so we may grow faster from what we do. It is a fact of life.”
“I’d like to be alone now.”
“Really? No one? What about Drakes?”
“That’s fine. They’re gone, anyways. They ran off when they heard him screaming.”
“I just know. Please. I’d really like to be left alone.”
“You will be weak for at least a day afterwards. However, you will recover in full. You are lucky; there was no infection that the healing potion could have exacerbated.”
“Yeah. I changed the subject. Humans do that when they don’t want to talk about something.”
“It is the way of the world. All races that think are given the ability to level and take classes.”
“That is indeed one of the ways to learn such a class. But in any case, classes increase one’s proficiency at their role with each new level. And with that increase in ability, Skills may be learnt. But there is no one set of Skills for a class.”
“I—I'm alive.”
“To put it simply, classes are general ways of life that individuals take. In life, one might choose to become a [Butcher], or perhaps a [Musician]. It is simply a matter of fulfilling the requirements. Often, they are known, but there are exceptions. One cannot simply take [Ruler]-type classes for instance.”
“Hey, what’s gotten into you, Klb? Decided to take me up on a night out for once? Pull up a seat.”
“After I killed the Goblin—I gained a new skill. Two, actually. [Bar Fighting] and [Unerring Throw].”
“It is not known. But our oldest texts tell us of this truth.”
“It’s wrong.”
“I have disposed of the Goblin Chieftain’s body. However, there are many Goblins still hiding nearby. If you feel safe here, I will dispose of as many as I can. If not, I will escort you to the city and then return with reinforcements to—”
“Well? Come on in.”
“The first meal is free.”
“This is my inn. I make the rules here. And if you don’t like my rules, get out.”
“Steal my stuff and I’ll hit you with a chair. Sit. Eat.”
“Eat with a fork. See this? Fork.”
“Leave them alone.”
“The first meal is on the house.”
“Fuck you.”
“Because I’m going to win.”
“Oh hey, it is! It’s just like—I mean, the pieces are different, but it’s chess, it is!”
“A bag of flour, one pot of oil, a small bag of salt, sugar, yeast, four sausages, and two onions.”
“Oh, right. It does say that, doesn’t it? Too bad I can’t read. But I do remember you had your prices listed as well, didn’t you?”
“I want my money back. I’ll give you a few silver coins for what I paid, but I’m not leaving here until you give me my money. Now, we can do this the hard way and call a bunch of people over and you can lose all your business for the day, or you can give my money back and I’ll—hey, is that a chess board?”
“Respect? I have tons of respect. Just for anyone who's not you.”
“It’s a chess board made out of wood. Unless it’s made out of gold—which it’s not—it’s about as expensive as that food you sold me. So I guess you’re selling this for three gold coins, too?”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry. I’m having a blast. I just think fast about my next move, that’s all.”
“I’ve got a good memory. A really good one, actually. Perfect for numbers and lists.”
“Olesm. Oh yeah, that’s what his name is.”
“Exactly. So stop calling me stupid or I’ll hit you.”
“It’s not a stupid game. And so what if he likes to play? Like I said, so do I. And I’m a good player.”
“A hundred? Wow. But like I said, don’t worry. I like to play chess too. And I’ve played a…few games too. I’m not worried.”
“Let me play. You two can watch, but I’m going to play and win.”
“I hate to agree with that jerk, but he’s right, Relc. I agreed to the wager, and I want to play. I’m going to win my money back and play some chess while I’m at it.”
“Is that your uncle? My, you two don’t look alike.”
“I’m not using any Skills. I am simply matching Miss Solstice in a game of wits, Relc. Practice makes the player.”
“And one crappy bag.”
“Not many players lead with a pawn from the side. Most like going down the center.”
“I’m not sure if the rules I know are the same in that case. This piece here. You can move a king together with a rook like this, right?”
“Oh yeah? What if I’m not happy about what you sold me? I think for two and a half gold coins you should be selling me enough onions to fill the bottom floor of my inn. So how about I return to you what I’ve purchased and you give me a complete refund?”
“Yeah, everyone was talking about the stupid Human who was dumb enough to wager on a game of chess against that idiot.”
“So long as you win. You must win no matter what.”
“Well. Why don’t we call the Watch after all? Buying and selling is all very well, but what about sticking to prices you write down?”
“Ooh, no check this turn. But watch out for your rook. It’s that or your queen.”
“What a delight. A Human? A [Trader]? What’s this about, Uncle? I’m supposed to be at work, you know—”
“You seem to know this game. Well, well. This might be a good challenge after all.”
“All [Tacticians] can tell when they’re being led into a trap! They’re good at playing these games—they have Skills! Tactics are a [Tactician] thing—it’s in the name! How do you not know this? If you play one in a game, they’ll win almost every time! Plus, that idiot loves to play that stupid game!”
“Look, I’m glad you two care. But I’ve got this. It’s fine. You’ll see.”
“Well, so am I. It’s still a fair game, isn’t it?”
“It was just a lucky move. Well, not lucky, but it was quite nice, wasn’t it?”
“It is a fair game. She let me name my player, and we agreed to the wager. There are many witnesses. It would be wrong to cancel the game now, Senior Guardsman.”
“I believe you have given her adequate information. If she will not listen to you, she will not listen to me.”
“Well done, I hadn’t anticipated that.”
“I don’t intend to lose either.”
“You should think harder. I have played over a hundred games so far and won over two-thirds of them. If you truly are betting something important, it would not do to lose this game so easily.”
“I’m no expert. But there’s a wager on this one, so I’ll play my best. The white side moves first.”
“Give me ten minutes to call over my player. Then I will teach you why it is unwise to bet against your betters.”
“Humans!”
“I have found this strategy to work in some of my games. It is fascinating to play such a new game of strategy, and so I always test new theories out on the board.”
“Check. And it’s check if you do that too. And that…”
“I’m not backing down. Let’s play. Besides, I wouldn’t want to disappoint the crowd.”
“I understand this is a game with a wager. I would urge you not to bet against me. I am quite a good player.”
“I understand this is a bet made to recover your lost coin. However, I fear I must issue the same warning as Relc. The odds of you winning a game against Olesm are quite slim.”
“Miss Solstice. Please forgive my companion’s interruption. We are on duty, and it is improper of us to disturb a member of the public without cause. But Relc insisted we speak with you once we heard of the bet that had been made.”
“Later, maybe. Right now, I want to talk to the Drake guy who ripped me off the other day. You know; the one that took all my money. The ugly one.”
“I’m surprised you know about this game. It was invented just a few years ago. By the Titan of Baleros himself. I’ve been playing it nearly since it came out, but it’s not caught hold yet in a lot of cities.”
“And pawns can move two spaces on their first move, right? And if a piece is here, they can take it diagonally?”
“Human, you and I have a dispute. I refuse to pay for goods sold, and you refuse to leave. So long as you’re stinking up my storefront, I won’t have any business, so I offer a wager in good faith. Win against the player of my choice and I will pay you back the money you paid me, though it will cost me my goods that I have earned honestly. Lose and you agree in front of witnesses not to bother me again. That is my best offer.”
“That good, huh? Got it.”
“Think nothing of it. But if we’re done with the interruptions, it’s your move.”
“Hey, you! Yeah, you. I know you. Stop the game. This isn’t fair. The bet’s off.”
“I am uncertain at this point. Allow me a few moments to assess the board before I give you my opinion. And please, lower your voice.”
“Are you crazy? You’re going to lose this game.”
“No. Go away and let me play.”
“I apologize, Miss Human. I rarely get a chance to play any games within the city these days. May I know whom I am playing against?”
“No! Are you stupid?”
“A few. But should you not spend more time thinking?”
“Your opponent is very good, and Lism, that slimy bastard, will refuse to pay you if you lose.”
“Get your hands off that! This is a valuable item! These are custom-carved and based on the Titan of Baleros’ standardized rules! The best [Tactician] in Liscor plays on these very boards I sell! I bet you don’t even know how the game is played!”
“Why, I'd like to do business. Jerk.”
“Are you sure, Miss? I really am quite good. I will be playing at my best.”
“Oh, I’ve seen a few players use it. Knights move like this, right?”
“This? I’m getting my money back. Let go of my shirt. You’ll poke holes in it.”
“So? Does that mean he’s good at chess?”
“Oi, Klbkch. What’s she doing? Was that a good move? It looked like a bad move.”
“Do you take me for a slow-witted hatchling or a Human fool? I won’t accept food that’s days old! Besides, this store does not give out refunds!”
“That’s right. I’m surprised you know that move.”
“Stop playing. This isn’t a fair game.”
“We have already agreed to the terms. The Human cannot back out now.”
“Indeed. It is all over the city.”
“Even—even if you have that bit of paper, what of it? I sell to many customers. And you—I barely remember what I sold to my last customer, let alone you.”
“The Council will spare you a few moments, Olesm. Just sit down and win a game or two.”
“I’ll make my own rules. And anyone that doesn’t like it can go to hell.”
“I remember why I got bored of chess. There’s only one winner and one loser. The best game for both players is a draw.”
“It’s just a game. Just a game?”
“Oh yes. It’s not too bad now though. All that blood and oil covers it up.”
“Still a great game, though. Don’t take it personally. Let me just get a quick snack for the road. And I need some soap. Proper hygiene and all that. Where did I put the soap? Soap, soap, soap…I should really organize all this stuff. Maybe tomorrow.”
“There. We have met, and we are now friends. Come into my shop, Erin Solstice, and tell me what you need. For the pleasure of seeing Lism humiliated, I will give you a discount. And I will not steal your coins. That is a promise from a Gnoll of the Silverfang tribe.”
“It’s not anything to be proud of. At all.”
“It’s kill or be killed in this world, after all.”
“If you’re about to say it was rigged, don’t bother. And if you want a rematch, I’ll gladly play again if you double how much you owe me. Which is a bad idea because I’ll win. I want my money.”
“Fascinating. This truth-stone earring says you are telling the truth. So I believe you.”
“Good for him. But I’ve been playing chess for…at least fifteen years, now. I stopped playing for a while until recently, but I used to play at least three games before I went to sleep each night. He might have a fancy Skill, but a rookie’s still a rookie.”
“No.”
“Hah! You are a spirited one! I like you. So I will introduce myself. I am Krshia, [Shopkeeper] and seller of goods. And you are the Human who slew the Goblin Chieftain! What is your name, brave little one?”
“Er…I might be able to beat him blindfolded.”
“Hah! This is the first time I have heard a Human apologize in…months? A good day, yes? It is good you come to make amends. I will forgive you and forgive the smell you stink of as well.”
“I, uh—well, I dunno. If he’s Level 20…I’d be Level 60?”
“It’s nothing to be proud of.”
“As Senior Guardsmen, we would be happy to provide assistance in assessing all financial income for your business, as well as any unpaid taxes that may be extant. For now, we will have to order your shop closed while we begin a thorough investigation of your wares and inventory.”
“Really? Not once? I…have never seen a truth stone before either.”
“That is a viewpoint I have not often heard since coming to Liscor. So, you truly knew what you were doing, but you pretended to be humble and baited him into that game. Cleverer still!”
“Right. Let’s start flipping over tables until we find a receipt.”
“You smell of burned ash and trash. No; not just that foul smell. Even burning trash smells better. I know not what it was, but I can still smell it on you. You could also use some soap, a shampoo for your hair.”
“Don’t feel bad. I’m not a professional player, but I’ve won a chess tournament or two in my time. I’ve even played a grandmaster and won. One of the few female ones, which was really cool. But I was so nervous at the time I totally forgot to castle, and I lost my rook to—”
“Sorry! I know it sounds like I’m blowing smoke, but you can play chess blindfolded if you know the pieces. He’s a talented…rookie. But he doesn’t know any chess openings, and I’ve played since I was a kid.”
“…Four silver coins. Not a small price. If it were the city, it would be one, or maybe coppers for a small delivery. But it is far, yes? And if it is heavy and monsters lurk about, the price goes up. You are lucky the Goblins are scarce and the Hollowstone Deceivers do not travel this late in the season. So I advise you to buy a lot and have the delivery done once, yes?”
“Two gold pieces, seven silver, and four copper exactly. I don’t have a receipt, but I’m sure Klbkch and Relc could help you find out.”
“Still, it’s not nice. And the law should be equal for everyone.”
“If you say it’s so—so you could beat him one-handed, eh? Blindfolded, even? What did you want? Soap? I have a few from the [Alchemist]. But to wash the body…no, this is hair conditioner for Gnolls. I don’t think you need quite this much. Scale cream…I will have someone find it.”
“—Of course, these games are quite rare outside of your home nation, Miss Solstice. I doubt they would have permeated to Izril yet. I have heard of and observed Shogi before.”
“Of course. I am merely a lowly [Tactician], the first of the [Strategist] class line. But should I advance in level and learn more skills, I might qualify for the [Strategist] class. And perhaps after that I might one day become a [Grandmaster]…? It makes my scales shiver to imagine such a class.”
“Oh, I love all kinds of strategy games. I always surfed YouTube for—uh, what I mean is, I used to watch and play tons of chess games. And not just chess; I learned how to play Shogi, Go, and even a few card games. But I couldn’t gamble, so there was that.”
“Runners run. They are quick ones, those who can run long distances to earn money. Sometimes they deliver letters, other times valuable things. Goods, yes? Magical items, messages that must only be spoken to one person. Such are expensive requests though. Only the best carry such things. Most just deliver goods very cheaply. I can call one and have all that you buy delivered to your inn for a good price.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a Runner’s Guild Seal before? Hah—maybe not Drake ones? You haven’t? Well then…they are for Runners. When I give you one, I will keep its twin, yes? Then, when a Runner delivers your goods, you will give him the Seal you have, and then I will know my goods have been delivered. It is simple.”
“Oh, we are fine [Traders], but we also mine silver and do much with it. I have not been home in nearly a decade, but you may find many Gnolls in Liscor are Silverfangs. Sit, sit! Ah, here is some parchment. Now, tell me what you need. And then I will have your goods delivered rather than make you pay for a bag.”
“Isn’t it? You stormed back here, trounced both Lism in words and his nephew in chess—although Olesm is the better of the two by far—and in front of all to see! Warrior and tactician, both! A fine day for a young woman to have—”
“I do not mock you, Human. But I laugh because I forget others do not have our nose. Forgive, please. You stepped in something on your way to the city.”
“I am, and I see you’ve wrestled some coin out of Lism’s claws, that greedy hoarder. Good for you, Human. But if you are here to look down your nose again at my goods, I would prefer not to waste my time, no?”
“Hrm. If you insist. I apologize if I’ve erred. Humans can be difficult to understand.”
“Hm. How good is ‘really good?’ Olesm may be young, but he is considered the best player in Liscor sheerly by how much he plays. From how you speak—it sounds like you made a choice to ‘bully’ him. If he were a Level 20 [Warrior], say, what would you be?”
“Of course. Did you think many would carry off bags of flour as you did? It is too hard. No; the stupid shopkeeper Lism, fur sheddings that he is, didn’t tell you and gave you the bag on purpose. But then again—have you never had a Street Runner deliver anything? It may be a bit more for somewhere outside Liscor, but I know a few Street Runners who will do it.”
“Um. Maybe? It’s more like a title where I come from. Besides, grandmasters only play chess. I’m not sure if that’s a class.”
“And he is a Level 22 [Tactician]. There are few higher-level [Tacticians] even within the Liscorian army. Although that is largely because most consolidate to [Strategist].”
“Tell you what, next time, we can play a bunch of games. Not just chess—if you guys have got other strategy games, I’d love to play them too.”
“It’s just that I was having a bad day, and I met this other Gnoll who really didn’t like me. So, uh, I was kinda afraid you would get growly at me too. But I’m sorry about that. I shouldn’t judge by, uh, species.”
“Why do all of you say that? I’m Human. So what?”
“I am merely fulfilling my duty as a member of the Watch. And once again, may I congratulate you on your victory? I would greatly enjoy playing a game against you once I am off-duty.”
“Because you are Human. Few of us have ever seen your kind here, let alone talked to one.”
“That would be a Street Runner. If you were living far away, I would call for a City Runner. For a long journey, perhaps to another continent, or in a dangerous spot, or if I needed the fastest in the world, I would pay for a Courier—and spend a fortune on the delivery!”
“I am not gifted with perfect memory via Skill or otherwise. Let us make a proper list, and I will be able to see what you want, yes? It will take time, but we shall be more organized than me fetching this or that.”
“I will give you a fair price. Just as I said. I hail from the Silverfang Tribe, far to the south. The Great Plains of Izril. Have you heard of us?”
“I didn’t know he was going to challenge me to chess! That was a lucky coincidence. I just—happen to be really good at it.”
“So it is working. Tribes! Well, I suppose…they’re not the most common, and it is an expensive item. More gold than you have, Miss Erin. Not that I won’t sell it to you if you have, er, forty-eight more pieces.”
“My mind is…slightly hazy. I’m afraid I have no recollection of how much you spent. Unless of course you could tell me?”
“Well, you’re the first Gnoll I’ve talked to. The first one that wasn’t angry at me, at least.”
“I want my money back. All of it, thank you. And while you’re at it, I’ll buy the chess board and pieces too.”
“Shield Spider gear! Cheaper than Pallassian steel and almost as good! Anyone fancy some adventurer’s equipment? No? Please?”
“May I ask how you managed such an incredible display? I would not have thought it possible, nor deemed it prudent to bet against Olesm in a game of chess until this moment.”
“Runner’s Guild? So you’re saying it’s like a postal service?”
“Humans are strange. He would not give you the same if he were in your place; he surely would not.”
“Wh—truth stones? That’s what that thing is? I’ve never seen something like that! Is it magic?”
“I must congratulate you, Miss Solstice. I have been truly humbled by your skill. Please, accept my sincerest apologies for questioning your ability.”
“Do you like these kinds of games, Miss Solstice? Gnollstones? Magical cards? I’m sure you must be quite good at any game you play.”
“You won. But how did—but he’s—you won!”
“Perhaps it’s a class only obtainable at high levels in the [Strategist] class line. If ever I have the opportunity, I shall take that class at once.”
“Is this ‘grandmaster’ you speak of a class? Is it possible—could I take such a class myself?”
“Eugh! What was—that’s so gross! I’m so sorry! I had that on my foot the entire time? You’re totally forgiven. Your nose is amazing! Do I, uh, smell at all beyond that?”
“I knew I liked you for a reason. Then tell me what you want, and let us not waste the light, eh?”