Quotes
1000 total quotes
“Now I’m really, really hungry.”
“First things first. I should stay here. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if this inn is safe—but it’s dusty. It’s got walls. So I explore. Also, I find something to clean all this stuff up with. I don’t want to use my shirt. Seems like a bad move, but I can’t breathe here without…okay. First steps. Pawn to E4. Pawn to C5. Sicilian Defense. Here we go.”
“It’s not fair. Ever since I came to this world, everything’s been going wrong.”
“This place is going to kill me! I’m going to choke to death before the rain stops. Someone should clean it up!”
“What were those things? G—they sort of looked like—Goblins? No way. This has to be a dream, but my arm hurts too bad for it to be a dream.”
“Curtains.”
“It’s definitely not a dream. But how am I burnt? I could have sworn it missed!”
“…And I guess that someone is me.”
“Besides, this would make for a great place to explore from, and it’s got walls. I’m not going to find anything better, I bet. Then I…”
“…What was that?”
“What is this place? An inn? Really?”
“I just wanted to go to the bathroom.”
“This is stupid. There’s nothing up there. Nothing!”
“So it’s not scary, but terrifying. Great.”
“Come on. Come on. You can do this.”
“At least Mom would be happy.”
“I’m really hungry.”
“But a Dragon could be up there.”
“Let’s see. Where should I start, then?”
“No. Darn it. Of course it’s empty.”
“Table’s done! That just leaves—um…”
“Okay, okay.”
“Well, when you compare it with the tables and chairs…”
“Hello? Is…is anyone…?”
“Anyone here? Hello? I need—”
“Dustrag. Dustrag, dustrag, dustrag…”
“Dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag, dustrag…”
“Dustragdustragdustragdustragdustra—”
“No good. I guess—”
“Aha!”
“Darn.”
“Drat.”
“…I hate this world.”
“Like hell it does!”
“That time again? Two hundred years already? I might as well. It’s courteous.”
“Just a coincidence? An accident? I don’t know, and I didn’t get anything to latch onto. Whomever it is, they’re gone. I—I shall be watchful.”
“Did I just level up?”
“This—really is another world, isn’t it?”
“At least, from strange young women appearing out of nowhere. She had to have been the subject of—of some chance. Maybe a [Gambler] or whatnot. Otherwise, I would be either dead or have been contacted by whomever it was. It cannot be Demons; they’re far too unsubtle. Who else? If it was the Quarass, I’d be dead. Djinni smell of magic. And that leaves…my kin, who wouldn’t do that.”
“Seriously? I leveled up? What is this, a game?”
“Is this how I die? Starving to death because I can’t do a pull-up?”
“[Mysterious Blue Fruit acquired!] Dun dun dun dun!”
“I—hate—pull-ups!”
“I’ll die here if I don’t find something to eat.”
“Weird. Grey bark, green leaves, blue fruit. Who dropped the paint bucket on this thing? And why is it so…tough?”
“What the…holy…crab?”
“Yep. Makes complete sense…”
“Um, shouldn’t there be some kind of announcement?”
“You…stupid tree!”
“It’s all hills and valleys! No wonder I couldn’t find anything last night!”
“Just so long as the grass doesn’t change color overnight, I might have a shot. Looks like it goes purple-orange-yellow and runs right next to the inn. So I can follow that back! Follow the purple-orange-yellow grass road!”
“Is—is that a tree?”
“Are those…trees?”
“This is why drapes were invented, you know.”
“Got it. Message received.”
“No. No!”
“I’m tired.”
“…Hey. What happened to levels 2 and 3?”
“Boo!”
“Need [Shaman].”
“Gobliiiiiiiiins!”
“I hate this world!”
“Well? Come on!”
“I can’t even laugh properly right now. Hahahahahaha…ha?”
“Well, it’s good to know they hate fruit.”
“G-goblins?”
“Eat this!”
“…Am I going to die?”
“Get back!”
“Now, how am I going to get back past that crab rock-monster?”
“Too bad I’m not a streaker, huh?”
“Oh, you’ve got to be—”
“That is the biggest seed I’ve ever seen. There’s more seed here than fruit!”
“Wow. This tastes really good!”
“Ha. Haha.”
“It’s like a peach. Not a monster, not a monster…”
“Nature calls. I hate nature.”
“Hahaha.”
“Pheh! Hairy!”
“…That’s a stupid idea.”
“Uh, is…is this the right rock?”
“Get closer…no, that’s stupid.”
“Well, what am I hiding from anyways?”
“Okay, time to see what’s inside.”
“Huh.”
“Pawn to E5. Pawn to F4. Pawn captures F4—King’s Gambit Accepted. Bishop to C4, queen to H4. Check. Bishop’s Gambit. King to F1, pawn to B5. Bryan Counter-gambit. Bishop captures B5, knight moves to F6. Knight moves to F3…”
“Pawn…pawn to E4.”
“When you level in dreams, you level in real life?”
“Monsters, monsters all around. And not one of them looks edible. But at least there’s blue fruit that smells like cleaning fluid. And at least there’s a dusty old inn. And at least I have four levels in innkeeping. Huzzah for me.”
“Fish. Fish with huge teeth. I hate this world so much.”
“Hm. So, [Basic Cleaning] was really a skill after all?”
“...Huzzah. What a great skill! I mean, I might have to fight off giant crabs and Goblins, but at least I’ll be able to clean the floor while they eat me! I wouldn’t want to leave a mess.”
“It hurts.”
“Um. Is it three bars of iron and two sticks to make a pickaxe? Or can I make a wood sword by punching trees? Why couldn’t this be Minecraft instead?”
“Still hurts.”
“Still hurts.”
“They were eating the blue fruits. So they live nearby. Wonderful. I’m going to run into them again. Which means I need a weapon. Great.”
“It—it hurts. It really hurts…”
“[Basic Cooking]! Give me—baked fish!”
“Screaming is bad. Quiet.”
“...Ow.”
“Unless they stab me in my sleep. Or there are lots of them. I’m probably safe if I make sure they can’t get in without me hearing it. I should block every way in but have, like, an escape window.”
“There’s the rock-crab-thing. Does it eat Goblins?”
“I get it. It’s a bad day, right?”
“The stream!”
“Oh. Oh god. Why—why is that yellow? What is that?”
“Ahh. Ah.”
“Barely. They’re not that dangerous. They’re like kids. And I can beat up tons of kids even with knives. If I’m careful.”
“Huh. I guess [Basic Cooking] doesn’t work on fish.”
“Bandage.”
“I wasn’t even dusting for more than—an hour? Two? And it’s all clean.”
“Water!”
“...Sushi?”
“Uh. What happened to the dust?”
“Just in case. I should also get a bow and arrow or something, right? Too bad I have no idea how to shoot anything. Or have any idea how to carve a bow. You carve bows, right?”
“There is no way I’m eating that. Cooked or raw. Actually, there’s no way I’m eating any of this without a frying pan.”
“Alright. Can’t go around it. Gotta go under it. Goodbye head, look out belly, here comes the knifey.”
“...With shark teeth. That’s messed up.”
“W—wh—”
“Then I’d be eaten by something else. Underwater Goblins, probably.”
“Hah! Take that!”
“I could drink a Gatorade. Or a Pepsi. I like Coke too, though. What about Pepsi and Coke and Gatorade? Gatorpepcoke? Pegatoroke?”
“Time to find some. Or I’ll die. Whichever comes first.”
“Four minutes. Four minutes is a long time not to be breathing, right? Okay—”
“Aaaaaah!”
“Water. Water is water. Because water. Where’s the water?”
“And hey, I need food. So it’s time to chop stuff up.”
“Is that thing made of rocks?”
“Discovery one: fish are heavy.”
“Discovery three: fish stink.”
“Okay, okay. Let’s just…get rid of the bones? And the—the squishy stuff.”
“The floor is clean. I am not.”
“But I won.”
“B-being numb would be better than being really cold.”
“Was that me?”
“Right. Knife cuts.”
“And if I follow the stream long enough, do I get to an ocean? Or just a lake?”
“Dustrag. Let’s do this.”
“Come on. Cut. Cut!”
“Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.”
“Or not. Knock on wood.”
“Stupid Goblins.”
“Ew. Mutant fish with teeth.”
“It was there. So if I’m here…there?”
“Discovery two: kitchens have knives.”
“Sort of clean. You couldn’t eat your dinner off it, I guess. But that’s why we have plates.”
“Where—where was it?”
“Seriously. Goblins.”
“Firewood. If I could cut the wood away, that is.”
“Come on. Get out of there.”
“Ew. Ew. Ew.”
“...Huh?”
“...Nope. But wait a second. What about fallen branches? Or—”
“...Bath time.”
“Right. I need a drink.”
“Cogapeptorade?”
“Right. Lunch.”
“Oh. Of course.”
“Feel sick.”
“It’s really hot.”
“Dusty. This is stupid.”
“Goblins.”
“Gah! Cold!”
“Right, food.”
“Pheh! Dusty.”
“Weird.”
“Huh.”
“Question. How did Mr. Skeleton upstairs die?”
“Oh. Just a Goblin.”
“Wow. Magic.”
“It’s not fair. It’s not fair.”
“It’s gone.”
“Oh you’ve got to be shi—”
“Go to hell!”
“It could be flour. Or—alternatively, it could be cocaine.”
“I've seen old kitchens in castles. I thought drawers and that kind of stuff only came later. This is, um, steel. Or at least iron. It looks like steel. Did they have a lot of steel in the medieval ages? Knights in armor, duh. But when were cheese graters invented? Is this place in the Dark Ages or past that? And can I get a light bulb somewhere around here?”
“Upstairs. Fine. Hello darkness my old enemy.”
“Don’t do this to me! No—I just—”
“Oh. Oh!”
“No one leaves that behind. So why would anyone…?”
“Is someone messing with me?”
“Am I afraid of dead people? Well yeah. But they can’t hurt me. Zombies can, but normal dead people can’t. It’s just a skeleton. I can take a look for signs of—of death, and then I’ll go sleep. Good plan. Let’s do it.”
“No, nonono—”
“Because it was valuable? Because skeletons are so useful, sure. Maybe the Goblins did it. Can’t you eat bones? Or—someone else?”
“How long does it take for dust to get two inches deep?”
“Huh. I guess it wore off. Or maybe they broke somehow? I wonder what they’re made of.”
“Okay. Okay. What’s the problem? It was just a skeleton. Just a spooky, dead thing. And even if it did move—somehow, where would it go?”
“Maybe that’s a bad question.”
“True, you’ve gotta leave stuff behind when you leave. Can’t carry everything. But you had good food still here. And more, in those other cupboards. And here’s a kitchen full of supplies…how expensive are good, sharp knives?”
“Here. Here…they’re everywhere.”
“That’s not right.”
“Maybe I can cut the rest off somehow.”
“What the—”
“Not knives.”
“That’s butter.”
“Is that…flour?”
“…It's probably flour.”
“Damn it.”
“Silver? Or something glowy.”
“Either way.”
“Ow. Owch. Ow.”
“Greetings. May we come in?”
“Hi, can I help you?”
“Forget bread. It’s pasta time.”
“Fire! Call me Prometheus…Promethea.”
“Acid flies. Okay, that’s completely wrong.”
“That’s Senior Guardsman Klbkch to you, rookie. Send a street runner to tell the Captain.”
“It was alive. There was a baby inside.”
“Sorry, baby dino-birdlings. But I really need to eat. And you look nice and doughy right now.”
“Not a full one, and that’s not our call. I’ll tell the Captain. You just keep an eye on it. I think she’ll put our best patrol on it. Punishment detail for breaking all those windows yesterday.”
“Hm. Chewy. Tasty! Pasta is the greatest food in the entire world.”
“Huh. So that’s what flint and steel looks like. It actually does look like Minecraft!”
“Okay. Pain. But now I can make bread! I’ve got all the ingredients. Right? Right. I just need flour, yeast, butter, a bit of salt and sugar and—”
“Mm! Sweet! This stuff’s like syrup! Chunky syrup! Or…a smoothie.”
“This was an inn once. But someone abandoned it. And they left a lotta useful stuff behind.”
“This is how it starts, right? You leave the fireplace on while you go on a vacation for a few days, and the next thing you know, your inn’s burned down. A classic cautionary tale.”
“Now, where can I get a piece of chalk and write ‘no Goblins allowed’?”
“Right. Normal eggs actually hatch. Right. This isn’t a store, so of course they’d be living—but they must be new eggs. Not full of half-born chickens, right?”
“Okay. At least I know where all the normal birds go. Inside the dinosaur-birds.”
“That’s definitely a bug. And it’s really ugly. If I could take it to a scientist back home, I bet I’d be famous. Since I can’t—go away, would you?”
“It does look like—smoke. Maybe it’s a traveller. Or bandits. Or whoever’s been robbing the farmsteads.”
“Huh. So people speak English here. Good to know!”
“But it’s a better day, right? A bit of a better day.”
“Oh. Oh god. Why are there red lines—?”
“[Basic Cooking], huh?”
“Is that a…pterodactyl? No way.”
“People used to do this every day? This is why plumbing was invented, you know. Who puts a stream so far from an inn? What happened to a good well?”
“Camouflaged dinosaur birds. Now I’ve really seen everything.”
“Huh. ‘Closed?’ Is that English?”
“Too bad I don’t have something refreshing to drink as well. A nice glass of juice would go down great. But y’know, it’s not like I…can…”
“…Why’s it got four legs? I thought bugs had six.”
“Double double, boil and trouble…into the pot you go.”
“Oh yeah. Water. Great. Well, I can just go out and get some. It’s not like there’s a time limit or anything—”
“Or Goblins. I’ve seen them creeping around now and then. Do we send out a patrol?”
“...Well, finders keepers.”
“I could bury it. If I had a shovel. And I could burn it. If I had a way to make fire. Or…I could leave it over there.”
“Huh. I guess without many trees birds get lazy. But what a big nest. And what’s that inside—”
“No. No. You deserve at least a sandwich. Or eggs and sausage.”
“It could just be nothing, Senior [Guardswoman].”
“No skeleton? No problem. I hope.”
“Right. Well, there’s only one thing to do in a situation like this.”
“Who knew carrying stuff with one hand was so much of a pain? I mean, everything’s a pain.”
“Nah. Blue fruit juice? That’s more like it.”
“I’ll deal with you later. For now, I need dough.”
“Another weird creature. Wonderful.”
“Gotta wash these sometime. But that means I’ll be walking around naked. Is that an issue? And what’s that smell?”
“Yes, [Guardswoman] Beilmark.”
“Let’s see. Frying pan? No. Tongs? No. A saw? Why does a kitchen need a saw?”
“I’m an idiot.”
“At this rate, I’m going to start a collection.”
“Eggs?”
“Blue juice?”
“Dried grass…check. Broken chair…check. Fire?”
“Great. My hand hurts, and now my arm hurts.”
“Ahh! Owowowowowow!”
“This. This is disgusting.”
“Or a skill.”
“Hold on. What’s this word?”
“Feels like it’s worse than yesterday. Which is probably my imagination.”
“Hm. Fork…fork! Am I missing anything?”
“Oh. Oh wow.”
“Right. Rummage time. I know I saw a shelf full of weird stuff somewhere…”
“Damn. It went out.”
“Unless they ate horses.”
“Sticks. You hit sticks together. Or rocks.”
“Dammit.”
“That’s for all of you.”
“Well, here’s a cauldron.”
“Ow. Hot!”
“You. Get off.”
“I really should have brought a bucket.”
“Hot!”
“Is that…a horseshoe?”
“Ew, ew, ew.”
“What’s that smell?”
“Ow.”
“Ow.”
“Indeed. It is part of our shared past. Once, of course, all races fought with tooth and claw and magic, but then they divided. Those who decided to forsake their natures and pursue a different truth received the gift of leveling, while those creatures who stayed true to their nature kept the might of their natures instead. According to historical records, at least. It is the subject of some studies, but that is the consensus.”
“Oh, that. New classes without an apprenticeship, you mean? Simple. You must have satisfied the requirements for the class, that’s all. I know it’s sort of weird gaining a new class suddenly, but it happens. I knew a guy who gained four levels in [Farmer] just because he kept growing carrots in pots next to his window. Not [Gardener], [Farmer]. I guess it was because he grew lots of carrots. Leveling is weird that way.”
“I feel I must mention that you, personally, cannot breathe fire, Relc.”
“Shut up. I’m still sorry. But yeah, there’s a big difference. I mean, sure, Humans say we look similar, but we’re totally different. They have those neck frills, and they’re way too colorful. We build cities out of proper stone, but the Lizardfolk live near water and can breathe underwater too, some of them. They have Naga and, like, jungles in Baleros. Whereas we Drakes like drier climates. We enjoy warm sun, open spaces…”
“The plague. This location was once a small community until everyone here died. Horribly. Admittedly, this was a decade ago, but it was evacuated and has been condemned since then.”
“So, a lesser healing potion of no worth, huh? You know, I’ve never heard you lie like that.”
“…Are you a Dragon?”
“I did not believe a lesser one would be worth the risk. I shall make do with a replacement, and I will deduct the cost from my pay. Besides which, it was used to protect a civilian.”
“Look. It’s complicated, and I can’t really explain. But would you believe…magic? Like a crazy, crazy, uh, teleportation spell?”
“Actually, I would like to correct you on that point. While the thinking races may level, animals and even creatures such as Dragons are not capable of leveling. Which is common knowledge.”
“What about it? Oh, are you wondering about mine? I’m a [Spearmaster]. This idiot’s a [Swordslayer]. We both have levels in [Guardsman] as well, but not nearly as much as our primary classes. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Excuse me? I’m not a Dragon, Miss Human. I’m just an incredible Drake in service to the City Watch. Me and my idiot partner were on patrol when we noticed the smoke. May we come in? I promise we won’t bite.”
“…Are you sure you’re not a Dragon?”
“It is poison. Of a sort.”
“…Yes. Yes, it is. I’m a Drake, not one of the Lizardfolk. There’s a big difference.”
“Oh, a [Teleportation] spell? Was it a misfire or did someone target you? That’s a Mage’s Guild issue.”
“Shut up. She just seems lonely, that’s all. Why else would a Human female want to hang out with a Drake and an overgrown bug?”
“Our pardons. We have not introduced ourselves. Allow me to correct this mistake. I am Klbkch, Senior Guardsman in the employ of the City of Liscor. This is my partner, also a Senior Guardsman.”
“W-want something to eat?”
“Apologies. It is unwise to hug those with exoskeletons. Please, are you hurt?”
“How are you going to explain that to the Captain, huh? That’s supposed to be special-issue. We won’t even get another shipment of that quality for months, probably! All the way from Pallass once the Blood Fields are frozen.”
“Okay. Right. Um. Let’s pretend I have no idea what leveling or classes are. I’m, uh, from really far away, and we have different…traditions.”
“That is unusual. I was under the impression levels worked uniformly across all species. However, I too understand the issues of communicating leveling and the system of classes. Even so, it is odd to think there is a nation that does not teach it in some way. Unless you are referring to a cultural difference in classes?”
“Her being a runaway would be most likely. I find it hard to believe any Human would wander so far into the grasslands by accident, and she did not seem to be looking for directions. Her magical teleportation story is also possible, but why would she not have asked to be taken to the Mage’s Guild? It is clearly a cover story.”
“What a lonely girl.”
“Do you mean to say you found a Dragon? Somewhere around this area? And you—survived the encounter. Unharmed?”
“Yes, but I have my badge on. You have not brought yours. Again. For the eighth day in a row. Therefore, I was the most logical choice to—”
“So, shall we return tomorrow?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t have to kill her.”
“Or inflict other forms of bodily or mental harm upon you.”
“It is not an infection.”
“Levels? Oh. No. I’ve got levels in, uh, [Innkeeper].”
“You’re just an overgrown ant. You be quiet. Anyways, we’re special. Those guys are just amphibians that learned to walk on two legs. We’re related to Dragons. We’ve got special powers.”
“There is a fish in the rivers near here. It secretes a mucus that damages the area it touches. Such as in this case. I have seen several similar afflictions as a guardsman.”
“I believe it was my turn to do that. Apologize to the Human for your rudeness.”
“—It’s not that I’m not interested. I have an open mind! I wouldn’t mind looking. If I was offered. They’ve got nothing on good scales, but I could get over the fleshiness. Maybe.”
“We may be able to fit checking in there as part of our duties if we convince the Captain it is necessary.”
“I’m from Michigan.”
“Oh, definitely. Right after work?”
“Of course we wouldn’t eat you! That’s barbaric, and besides, it’s illegal. I mean, okay, sure, it happens sometimes in distant villages, but we wouldn’t do that. Right, Klbkch?”
“Please, it was nothing. That was merely a low-grade healing potion of no great worth. Let us call it payment for the meal. Unless, of course, you object?”
“Well, there’s nothing wrong with you staying here. Aside from dying, that is.”
“This is a low-grade healing potion. If you pour it over your injury, it should heal your affliction.”
“It seems more likely that she was hallucinating. However…she may have run into a fire-breathing salamander. I cannot imagine she would survive an encounter with a real Dragon. Armies would not.”
“You said it poorly. I am merely rephrasing your words for the benefit of all.”
“See, this. This is why no one else is willing to be your partner. Along with you being, y’know, you.”
“I will endeavor not to in the future.”
“Please, I mean no harm. But your hand. May I see it?”
“Would you have had me tell her the true value?”
“Not bad! Especially if you just got here a few days ago. Did the notification wake you up right as you were falling asleep? I hate that.”
“But you cooked it, then? Do you have levels in a [Chef] class, then?”
“We can breathe fire. Some of us can, at least.”
“Um. I didn’t see anything when it happened. I just sort of turned the corner and—look, the point is I suddenly appeared around here. And then…Dragon.”
“Please, believe me. It will heal you.”
“Good job not scaring her.”
“Of course not. Why would anyone make a healing potion that hurts when you use it? But look at that!”
“Michigan? I’m not familiar with that city. Or is it a nation…? Is that north of here? Over the mountains, maybe? On this continent?”
“You are correct in at least one definition of the word. But speculation is pointless in any case. We investigated the smoke, and now we can make our report. She is not breaking the law since the inn was abandoned nearly ten years ago.”
“Nice rocks to laze about upon while we should be performing our duties.”
“You’re a regular do-gooder, huh? Trying to level up your…[Good Person] class? Is that a class?”
“She was quite interesting in any case. It was pleasant talking to her.”
“Yes. No. Maybe? Look, I level. You level. We level. Everyone levels, right? We all can level up in, uh, classes and gain skills. How am I doing so far?”
“Good evening, Miss Human. I was wondering if my colleague and I could take up a moment of your time—”
“Shut up. This is your fault. I told you I should go first. I’m not a horrific Ant.”
“You are blushing.”
“I have no sexual attraction towards Humans. Unlike you.”
“You know fully well that I have no levels in any class of the kind. I was merely being kind.”
“I would gladly partake of nourishment if offered. However, we would not wish to deprive you of your meal.”
“…So someone on the walls spotted the smoke and called it in. Since it didn’t seem like a grassfire and since we knew this place was abandoned years ago, the Captain decided to send someone to check it out.”
“No, actually I got lost and—this is stupid. Why am I making excuses?”
“Not if they did not cause it. Intriguing. Was it a magical duel, perhaps? Some high-level spellcasting?”
“So…scared Human female? Not a threat? Probably a traveller? Makes good pasta?”
“It breathed at me. Fire. And then I was chased by little green men.”
“I would prefer that you call my species by their proper name.”
“It was almost certainly safe as I and Watch Captain Zevara assured you repeatedly, Relc. Besides, that young woman’s presence is proof enough. She would be dead within the day if the disease were still present.”
“Inquiring into others’ personal affairs is only a matter for the Guards while we’re on duty. Respecting another’s personal space is a principle of social interaction.”
“I am sure you would prefer that. But we are being paid to work, not to enjoy ourselves. Moreover, you are eating all of this Human’s dinner.”
“We are still on duty, if you recall. The Captain will be expecting a report. If we do return, we will have more time to socialize.”
“Not you, specifically. Really, it could be anything. We thought it might be a random fire or a few Goblins. If there were some stupid kids, on the other hand, we’d be dragging them back right now since it’s dangerous to stay here. Bandits on the other hand…”
“Oh no, thank you. I mean, this is probably worth—can I get you another plate? Or—or you could come back. I’ll feed you two again if you want—”
“No, no I’m not. And how can I—I can’t thank you enough. That—that was a healing potion, right? How can I repay you for—”
“It—it doesn’t hurt!”
“Your hurtful remarks are unnecessary. Besides which, I believe we are getting off track. We are in the presence of a member of the general public, remember.”
“Please, do not be alarmed. This is treatable. Allow me.”
“Sorry, but can we ask you a few questions about where you’re from? It’s pretty odd to find a Human out here, let alone in an abandoned place like this. Not that we mean to pry, it’s just that it’s kind of our job to ask these questions.”
“This is a world. Everyone levels in it. Humans, lizard people, talking insects, cats, dogs, Goblins…”
“Uh, yeah. Every time I fell asleep I kept leveling. I’m, uh, level 4.”
“That would be a preservation spell. It is quite common among higher-class establishments.”
“Shut up. Ahem. We were just sent here to make sure no Goblins or nasty creatures started living here. We’ve got no problem with Humans. Well, at least the non-violent kind.”
“…You mean you don’t level in this Michigan place?”
“What, are you crazy? Let me talk. That was just a misunderstanding caused by seeing your face. I’ll straighten all this out.”
“Goblins. And by the way, some Wyverns breathe fire too.”
“Sorry, sorry, Miss. We’re not here to hurt you, I promise.”
“Or, and hear me out. Or…we could have more food and stay here longer.”
“So. Leveling. Classes.”
“Really? I thought those were birds.”
“Bet she didn’t know. And her expression when we walked in—she’s never seen a Drake or an Ant before in her life. Well, the Ant part makes sense.”
“Ooh! Pasta! This is good stuff!”
“I will accept the pasta and water as well. But may I inquire if you have any more meat-based dishes? Corusdeer, perhaps?”
“She was not lying, at least not intentionally. But it is possible she was mistaken.”
“Me? I don’t like Humans. They’re scaleless, hairy, and they smell funny. I mean, this one’s nice, but I definitely wouldn’t want to see what it looks like under those clothes.”
“Again, apologies. But could I trouble you to remove the bandage?”
“Right, right. Let’s tell the Captain and get some sleep. Or rather, I’ll sleep and you do—whatever Ants do to sleep. Sitting-sleeping or whatever.”
“Why don’t you shut up and let me talk? Look, Miss Human. You’re probably not sick if you’re still walking around.”
“Oh no, no. We level, it’s just, uh, different from you guys. And I never paid much attention in school and all that…”
“So am I going to die by puking out my guts or something?”
“Indeed. And I must apologize again, but our true intent in coming here was to ascertain the danger posed here.”
“I will accept gladly. But for now I am full, and I believe it is time to be going. We would not wish to intrude upon your hospitality for too long.”
“Um. I gained levels just from cleaning an inn. And I wasn’t an [Innkeeper] before this. So why…?”
“Indeed. We would not violate our duty as guardsmen.”
“They can level. Now, about what you just said. I’m not a lizard—”
“Is she female? I could not tell with complete accuracy. She sounded so, but I have met few Humans in social settings.”
“They have to teach Humans how to level? Weird.”
“Only a few differences, but the animosity between their cultures is—”
“You idiot. I told you this is why I should have opened the door.”
“Now what? I do not believe breaking and entering would be appropriate at this moment.”
“Shut up, Klbkch!”
“Ooh, nasty. What happened there? Looks like a bad cut. Were those Goblins?”
“Um. Give me a moment. I’ll open this door.”
“To put it succinctly: we saw the fire and decided to investigate.”
“…Just let me sleep.”
“Razorbeaks. Go on, Miss.”
“And you’re an [Innkeeper], right? Got any other classes?”
“So four levels in…? That’s too bad. But you’re young; leveling takes time after all.”
“What, really? How about Goblins?”
“Oh no, no. Please don’t do that. I didn’t know it was so rude. If I’d have known, I’d have never—there’s a big difference between lizard people and Drakes, right?”
“Oh, I see, I see. That’s convenient. Did you earn them here?”
“Oh, I found some flour and butter and stuff in one of the cupboards. It had a runey…thing on the shelves.”
“I am sure it is.”
“See? She gets it. Told you it was cool.”
“Only a few Drakes can do it, okay? Not breathing fire is perfectly normal. And some of us can, so there.”
“This really is quite good. How’d you make this all the way out here?”
“Indeed. There is no law against occupying this area.”
“Actually, the plague symptoms manifested themselves as—”
“That’s pretty much how it works. What were you confused about?”
“And this blue juice tastes good!”
“Um. Sorry about that. Really. But, uh, can we talk about that name?”
“Yeah. You, um, called me a lizard person, right?”
“Move over. Let me show you how it’s done.”
“Hello, Miss. Sorry if we—”
“Be quiet. I’m in a good mood now.”
“Shut up. Are you trying to scare her?”
“Well, to begin with, may we inquire where you come from?”
“Yep. Good thing it’s meant to treat light infections too. Klb, are you going to…?”
“I will pass for the moment. We should get down to business rather than partake of food.”
“Thank you—ow!”
“Right. Well, let’s be going. Um, sorry about that, Miss. Here, let me just pay for the food…”
“I can. It’s the things on her chest.”
“Yeah, I’d bet on it. I’m not sure why a Human would be out here anyways, let alone in that place.”
“Mm. It’s not very interesting. They are very fleshy.”
“Agreed. And it is very restful. You should attempt it sometime.”
“Oh, thank you. It’s…blue.”
“No, no. It’s for the best. Mind you, I think she figured it out.”
“I told you. It’s flattering, but I’m not a Drag—oh.”
“Is, uh, that a bad thing? I mean, it’s a Dragon yeah, but isn’t he…?”
“This is—I mean, is it safe? For Humans?”
“Plus, we’d know if a Dragon lived around here. They’re pretty obvious.”
“It’s just a possibility. This, uh, place is sort of bad. For your health.”
“Relc!”
“Your duty? You’re…guardsmen? And you…you’re K—kbch?”
“I insist. That blue drink is really good, by the way.”
“What about the Dragon? Do you think she made that up?”
“Mammary glands? Breasts, I think they’re referred to. Or maybe the word is tits.”
“So they are Goblins. But—well, hold on—then I found a giant dino-bird—”
“Do you believe she is a lawbreaker or fearful for her life?”
“Oh, right. Those annoying things. What’re they called, Klbkch?”
“Uh. No. It’s a bit further than that.”
“It—sorry, it’s a mess. I cut my hand, and I guess it just got infected, but—”
“In a moment. Let’s eat first. This looks good!”
“We’re still cool, right?”
“That was my assessment.”
“You have? I mean, it’s not an infection?”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah. A Dragon? Really?”
“Let me just get a plate and…forks. Do you, uh, want a drink? I’ve got water.”
“Food’s over there.”
“Good evening.”
“What? No. I’ve got lots of pasta.”
“Deviant.”
“Fine. Antinium. Happy?”
“That is what I heard some small Humans saying once. But she’s female. And young, correct?”
“We wouldn’t?”
“Here. Uh, I’ve got juice as well. Want a glass?”
“Yeah. I made it myself. It tastes good, really.”
“…Hi.”
“Hey, what did you just call—”
“Oh, so are you…lost? Or travelling maybe?”
“Hello? Miss? We’re not dangerous.”
“Yeah. That sounds amazing. Really…really cool!”
“What? It’s a great power!”
“Maybe it was a bad time?”
“Uh, don’t apologize. Look, maybe I overreacted a bit. I’m not, uh, mad…”
“Danger? Why danger? Is there something wrong with me staying here?”
“Uh—thanks. [Spearmaster]. Me. Him—[Swordslayer]. No, it’s cool. We’re [Guards]. Yeah.”
“And not oozing.”
“…Want another plate of pasta?”
“Indeed.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry.”
“What? Oh, it’s no problem. Ask away.”
“Okay. That’s great.”
“No.”
“I will not be denied. Open this door or face my wrath.”
“A visitor.”
“A pity. But I will have you provide me with sustenance nevertheless.”
“It matters not. I require sustenance. Food. Provide that to me, and I shall be on my way.”
“I do not wish to become angry.”
“This is unwise. Your insolence will only bring about more punishment.”
“Do not fret. The Human will not be going anywhere.”
“Do not anger me further. If you refuse my simple request, I will—”
“Give me what I desire. Or I shall—”
“Huh. Can Goblins smell poison? Wait…wait. That Relc guy said they have Skills. Do you get Skills to tell if there’s bad fruits? [Bad Fruit Detector]? No way.”
“Mistress. All I ask for is a bit of food. Provide me that and I shall be on my way.”
“Aw. No. Oh no. Am I…dumber than Goblins?”
“Healing potions are awesome.”
“And all because of that little Goblin. Huh.”
“Senior Guardsman Relc, belay that! There’s a brawl in the marketplace. Get over there and stop the fighting!”
“No?”
“…Poison. Gotta be.”
“Aha! So that’s all it is?”
“I don’t have any. Go away!”
“And I’d have a team of doctors feeding me pills by the pound too.”
“Hey. Who’s there?”
“[Basic Crafting]. Might as well give it a shot. I’m out of fruit, anyways.”
“Do I just eat what’s in the cupboard and fight dino-birds? If I can’t eat the blue fruits…”
“I’m warning you! Come in and I’ll, I’ll…”
“Shut up and get moving! I need everyone there, now.”
“They said they’d visit. But did they mean that or are they busy? Either way, I can always make more pasta and save some for later, right?”
“I leveled up again.”
“What? Some idiot had to start a fight now of all times? We were going to go back and—”
“I think I need to figure out what a good one looks like.”
“Um. We’re closed. S-sorry.”
“What a pain. Let’s smack some scales-for-brains quick. Maybe we’ll still have time to go to the inn afterwards.”
“Wait a second. Maybe that could work. Let’s see. If I take this long grass and tie this knot here…”
“Don’t insult the Watch Captain while we are within earshot.”
“Great. Thanks. Now, wanna go check on that Human? I hear—”
“We’ll count your hours later, move!”
“Maybe the poison is making the fruit like—wetter? Or it’s making the fruit weaker?”
“I could eat mushrooms! Or…maybe not mushrooms because ick. Or bugs? Wait—that’s just as bad. Plants, then. Herbs. And blue fruits. Okay—this fruit and this fruit and this fruit.”
“She can eat my scales. Let’s go and get this over with.”
“Alright, let’s go. Man, I really hate Captain Z.”
“…Jerk.”
“…Looks like I’ve got a few weeks before I run out. But bleh, eating just blue fruit all the time would be disgusting. At least there’s some ingredients left for pasta if I can find more eggs.”
“Relc!”
“You know we will be called upon to go after those who got away. And there is damage assessment, guard detail, investigating any burglaries during the violence…”
“There. I have signed us both out. Again.”
“They must be busy.”
“What—what was that?”
“Are you done logging out for the day yet?”
“Must taste bad, huh?”
“But—we’re signed out—”
“I know, I know. But I was going to eat more pasta and—”
“A pity. Let’s be on our way.”
“You look innocent. But maybe…”
“Whoa.”
“...Necromancy.”
“Come back here and I'll feed you.”
“Take them. You look thin, and maybe if you eat them you'll stop bothering other people. Thank you for your business. Come by again and I'll feed you. Try to scare me and I'll hit you harder next time.”
“If I say it's a pan, it's a pan. The important part is that I'll hit you with it if you try anything.”
“Fascinating. That has to be a very high-level phenomenon or artifact. Seamless teleportation without any visual cues and even sensation at that range? Not even our Archmages could…fascinating indeed.”
“No, no. I have no clue what kind of magic would be capable of that, if any. That sounds like a spell which—well, suffice it to say I know of only a few living mages who might even attempt such a feat. But if you were the target, it still makes no sense. Why would anyone waste such a powerful spell on someone as mundane as…as…”
“Highly. The core of the Amentus Fruit causes painful death within hours if eaten. While the outer rind is safe for consumption, the inner seeds are toxic. You are aware of this, right?”
“Pisces, practitioner of magic, student of Wistram Academy, specialized in the Elementalist and Illusionary schools of magic with additional competencies in multiple spell schools.”
“This area is known as the Floodplains of Liscor. It's because of a lovely natural phenomenon of the geography and—but you aren't from here, if you don't know about this area. But I would have guessed as much since you are Human. As far as I can tell.”
“One more insult or stupid little invisibility spell and I'll break something.”
“The locals don't like Humans that much. Which is a fact anyone in a hundred miles would know. This is the border to the Drake lands to the south. But you…didn't know that, did you?”
“Maybe not. But then again, the only two I've met were quite polite, paid for their meal, and didn't try to threaten me when I first met them. Whereas the first Human I met was you.”
“Stop it. You sound like an idiot.”
“This. This is a pan.”
“Yeah, and they have fragile bones. I'm sure mages are really scary when they're far away, but wands aren't good at blocking frying…pots.”
“And anyways, I didn't see any idiot in robes waving a wand around and shouting 'abracadabra'. And there aren't wizards where I—I mean, I'm sure it wasn't a…I just turned the corner and here I was.”
“It's common. Well, not common exactly, but it's the only explanation I can think of. Back in the Academy…it was not an unheard of phenomenon. I suppose you could have also been carried off by one of the local avian species, but they tend to drop their prey and chew their bones.”
“It's not mine. I just found it and somehow became an [Innkeeper] by cleaning up around here.”
“I suppose one does. Does it make you feel good, stealing from innocent people?”
“It would certainly save time. And you know if you paid for everything, you wouldn't have to try to scare people to get what you want.”
“Try that again and I'll hit you harder.”
“You know, I just wanted to see what would happen if I kept on staring at you.”
“They grow that big? No; don't tell me. I don't want to know. But you're right. It was a teleportation spell. Or something. It didn't feel like a spell, but…”
“Some people don't like being threatened by a giant skeletal monster from hell.”
“Look, it's safe. I've eaten tons of them. Just eat around the core and you'll be fine, okay? I figured out how to check for good ones. See?”
“You would not be so quick to judge if you knew more about the people you're defending. Especially this city.”
“Yes, you. I told you why I'm here. What's a raggedy mage doing scaring people for food?”
“So. You're paying me for trying to scare me and steal food?”
“Uh huh. And you provide that by threatening people with illusions?”
“Now look here, there's no need for violence, Miss. I can see that you are no ordinary plebian fool but an extraordinary plebian. Believe me when I say that is a high compliment from a practitioner of the arcane such as I.”
“Some people would take violent offense to being scammed.”
“You truly didn't? Well, well. A traveller who doesn't know anything about where she is…teleportation spell? Amnesia magic?”
“Like pretending to be a horrible monster?”
“How astute. She's quite intelligent for an [Innkeeper].”
“Really? You just turned a corner and you were in a completely different place?”
“Are you trying to sound impressive or do you actually talk like that?”
“Are you aware that, ah, this fruit is poisonous?”
“Fine. I suppose there's no use attempting to impress anyone who actually has the rudiments of an education. But my question remains: what's a young g—woman like you doing out here alone?”
“You struck me? Me? How dare you! I will have you know I am a mage of great power, and I will not be—”
“I, ah, came here to expand my horizons. This part of the continent—well, the local collection of city-states are quite hospitable to those people trying to avoid undue attention. Besides, food is plentiful if one has certain skills.”
“Um. I am now? I mean, I figured that out earlier. These ones are good. I've checked them.”
“Just answer the question.”
“Thanks, I guess. But if it's so lousy—and it is, I totally know—why are you here?”
“I'm not. But I'll just bet those kinds of spells make a flash of light or a weird sound, right?”
“My apologies, good [Innkeeper], for all these misunderstandings. Please accept this recompense for your wasted time.”
“So. You're gonna hurt me if I don't give you food, huh?”
“Ahem. Well, I shall be going. I am—terribly sorry for all that. It was just, ah—a spell which I—desperate times make fools of us all. And clearly, not you. Which is why I shall depart and not trouble you again.”
“Lost? It takes quite some skill to wander this far into the Floodplains. Or are you a local? I very much doubt you are, though.”
“You—you could tell it was an invisibility spell?”
“Ah, this is understandable. But may I remind you that traditionally those who practice magic are beings of great power that should not be crossed?”
“You're hungry, aren't you? Well, eat this.”
“And you're an expert on [Teleportation] spells? I see.”
“Indeed. That is quite often the case. However, you seem to have taken to it well. This area is inhospitable to most Humans.”
“One does what one must to survive.”
“Me? Oh, I'm Erin. Erin Solstice. And you are?”
“Here. Totally non-poisonous food ready to be eaten. Happy?”
“What else could it be? I've played D&D.”
“Behold my p—”
“I know what plebian means.”
“I am completely, 100% Human, thanks. And why does that make a difference?”
“Fascinating as in 'I know what spell that was?'”
“Harshly put, good Mistress. But yes, I would like to make amends. Let us be quits with no further unpleasantness! Or violence. And I am sure this payment is quite acceptable, is it not?”
“I see I've overstayed my welcome. Well, your meal was quite adequate, good Mistress. Please accept my heartfelt gratitude.”
“So, if I might inquire, what is a delicate flower of effervescence doing in such a locale?”
“Well, if you have no further need of me…I did pay for my misdeeds, after all. Rather handsomely, I might add, given that no harm was actually done except to my person. So I won't intrude any fu—”
“What are you talking about? I'm giving you food. Are you allergic to the color blue or something?”
“I, uh, hope this is sufficient, good Mistress. I am of course willing to pay any dues to—to make amends, but I'm slightly low on coin at the moment.”
“Ah. Of course. Well, as a practitioner of the mystic arts, I feel it is always wise to be…generous.”
“It occurs to me that I never asked your name.”
“Yeah. It's been fun and games ever since.”
“In fact, good Mistress, that is in point of reality—”
“How'd you guess? Actually, you're only half-right, but how'd you guess?”
“Good for you. Got a hobby?”
“You're sweating.”
“And I suppose if I don't, you hit me with that pot, correct?”
“Ah, but money is so…mundane. Where would the enjoyment in life be without variety?”
“Yes, well. I see you've established yourself quite nicely. This is—is quite a lovely establishment you've founded. Very quaint.”
“Do I have the option to refuse?”
“How rude. My advanced lexicon and diction is merely a result of my education, not a façade that—”
“Um. Thank you.”
“Only on occasion. And I quite understand your irate feelings. However, since I believe all is settled, I shall just…”
“I suppose the toxicity would be acceptable if it were just the fruit. Well then.”
“Hey, stop that!”
“...Want one?”
“Fair point. Let me just amend my fee.”
“Here. Blue juice and some blue fruit. I've also got pasta, but I need to warm that up first.”
“What the—”
“Would, ah, this do?”
“Where are you going?”
“Poisonous?”
“I got lost.”
“Floodplains? What are you talking about?”
“Me?”
“What—who dares—?”
“Ah. Am I supposed to eat this?”
“My thanks.”
“My physical appearance has nothing to do with—”
“Am I? Terribly sorry. Let me just, ah…”
“...Huh.”
“Ow!”
“Yeah. It's food.”
“...Perhaps.”
“Oh really?”
“Me?”
“Here.”
“I-I see?”
“We’re no soldiers. We’re [Guardsmen]. And we’ve been looking for the bastard who’s been robbing homes with illusion spells.”
“A rogue [Necromancer] on the loose does nasty things. Even a low-level one can bring down villages if you give him enough dead bodies, and they level fast when that happens. Damn, I’m not going to be the one who let the next Az’kerash get away, Klb. We’re gonna have to hunt this guy down. If we can’t catch him today, I’ll have the Captain send out multiple patrols once we get back to the city. Erin, we have to go, but I think you’re safe if that guy didn’t do anything last time.”
“Well, he’s right. We do have Skills. They’re part of our classes, although in my case I’ve got [Dangersense]. But I’m also a former soldier. And Klb? He’s the Slayer. We can tell you’re not hot stuff, Human.”
“My scales aren’t itching, so your Human friend here isn’t that good at magic. They always itch when I’m in danger. That’s not a Skill, either. But your friend can’t even trigger my [Dangersense]. Not even a little ring.”
“…What tab?”
“I did not say specialization is absent from the magical world. Rather, shall we say that those are titles for mages who meet certain requirements? A [Wizard] is an arcane researcher and true student of the arcane arts. Such individuals are similar to myself, but prefer to study the mainstream branches of magic. [Sorcerers], on the other hand, are quite simplistic and refer to those who use no spellbooks and have little formal education. [Warlocks] obtain their powers from other sources such as summoning, while [Witches] practice alchemy along with specialized schools of magic. Their…very peculiar magic, which is so rooted in folklore. Nevertheless, [Mage] remains the generally accepted title to refer to all those who practice magic as a catchall moniker…”
“Oh, sorry we forgot to pay. We’re in a hurry so—put it on our tab!”
“How about you do the magic spell where you turn into a monster? I’d love to see that. Or better yet, do you have a spell to get out of trouble? Because you’re going to need one now.”
“And necromancy.”
“[Detect Guilt] is a basic Skill most [Guardsmen] get. I can sense your guilt, which is enough for me to justify this arrest.”
“Really. See, we’ve gotta get at least fifty ordinary citizens to vouch for us before we’re sworn in. And to become Senior Guardsmen like us, you’ve got to get at least four hundred. Impressive, right?”
“Well, well. Theft of a corpse and reanimation, no doubt. That’s another big mark on the list of charges. But necromancy, well, that also means we don’t have to bring you back alive anymore.”
“I don’t want it anyways. Besides, you tried to rob me last time. You’re here on sufferance because I feel bad for you.”
“Like dead bodies.”
“Last I checked, you were within arm’s reach. That means your fancy spells aren’t going to do a thing before I hit you hard enough to make your brains pop out. Trust me. I’ve done it before.”
“Look, I’m not sure what Humans do, but in our city, the city watch isn’t like mercenaries or personal bodyguards. We don’t just sign up. We have to be voted in.”
“We’ve been looking for you, Mister Mage. Or should I say, the scary creature that threatens travellers and people living by themselves? You’ve been stealing food and money for nearly a month. There’s even a bounty on your head, which I’d love to collect.”
“Do not move. You are under arrest for intimidation and attempted theft. Remain still. Any sudden moves will result in bodily harm.”
“No. I’d be able to sense if he were within a few feet of me. This was an illusion spell. A damn clever one, too. He pretended he was here and walked off while we were busy chatting. Most idiot spellcasters aren’t that stealthy or…when did he creep off? Klb, it was when you let go of him! I didn’t even see the chair move—damn, the chair’s an illusion too! Normally I can hear idiots skulking around even on the battlefield! This bastard tricked me! Me!”
“You are lying.”
“Yeah. Last night, I was visited by a scary monster. But when I hit it with a pa—pot, it turned out just to be him. So I got him to pay up for scaring me. That covers all the food he ate, I guess.”
“What? You told me yesterday. Oh, and were you the one who stole the skeleton upstairs? I just realized that was probably you.”
“Fewer words. Get to the point.”
“We thought he was just an illusionist. That’s annoying, but really all he can do is scare folks into giving him things. But a necromancer’s worse. Far worse. We could let him go if he was just a normal [Mage], but we’ve got to find him now, and he knows it.”
“With magic, how else? Some shortsighted fool must have cast a localized weather control spell. Impressive, I suppose, but clumsy in execution. As for magical rain—have you never observed glowing rain in any color? Magical typhoons? Ah…raining toads?”
“Don’t worry, Miss. He’s no threat or we’d have taken him out when we first realized who he was. He looked more dangerous than he turned out to be. You see, both of us can tell if we’re in danger or the enemy is strong. This idiot couldn’t even use [Flash Step] properly!”
“Ahem. Of course, that is how the phenomenon actually occurs. But the impetus is largely magical…I see you know your way around some natural events. This particular storm will not be raining any creatures, however. It truly was someone simply sending unwanted rain our way. It may be a scandal, although given how the Drake cities squabble—I detected it from the south. Perhaps as far as Pallass.”
“You’re still under arrest. I can hit you. It’s only because I’m being considerate of Miss Solstice here that I don’t. But I will. If you don’t shut up.”
“Sorry. Again. But…you said rob? As in, that guy over there tried to rob you?”
“The name is Erin, idiot.”
“Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. Me and my friend here will drag you out back, beat you with sticks or rocks for a while, and then drag you back to the city for a reward. Then we’ll give half to our lovely innkeeper here. Sound good?”
“Okay. So you’re saying [Mage] means anyone who uses magic. Next time, just say that.”
“You want pasta? It’s in the kitchen. Get it yourself.”
“Aren’t there rules? Like, rules against police—guardsmen hurting people once they’re caught? Like…like no beating someone once they’re on the ground?”
“Spoken like a truly ignorant fool. What would you know of magical mastery? My powers may not lie in mere confrontation, but I assure you, I have more power in my fingernails than you have in your entire brutish body.”
“It’s not just a job. It’s a highly prestigious job! Not just anyone can be part of the city guard, let alone a Senior Guard.”
“Can you?”
“Or destroying us in a number of ways. The lack of lightning falling from the sky or [Fireballs] confirms this.”
“Humans. You’re so arrogant and crazy. It’s almost funny. If you’re so full of powerful magic, dodge this.”
“You multiplied. Can Humans do that?”
“Seldom. It is a seasonal weather pattern to rain like this in the spring. Fall downpours like these are an aberration. Normally, I would not hazard a guess at how long the rain would fall, but someone has been interfering with the weather. So we’ll have a brief storm, that’s all. Hardly anything as memorable as magical rain.”
“Thank you for informing us of his class, Mistress Erin. Although he posed no threat to either Relc or I, he is far more dangerous than we had believed. I did not notice the illusion spell. I have grown inattentive, lax. Relc as well, but this is a critical failing on my part.”
“Shut up! You’re lucky I didn’t just toss you in the stream and let the fish eat you!”
“I paid no attention. The plebian masses are a burden to be endured; I bear no ill will to the misinformed or ignorant for their rudeness.”
“No one insults me regularly. Except Watch Captain Z and Klb, come to think of it. People like me. Everyone likes us. We’ve got a special job.”
“Yes. And it’s not as if this is a particularly difficult task. I realize it may look so to the uninitiated, but a spell like this could easily be cast by a level 30 [Mage]. Less, I suppose, if the individual were specialized.”
“Peh. You should drink. It’ll be the last tasty thing you eat for a long time. Actually, what am I saying? This stuff’s way too good for you. Just remember what you’re missing when we lock you away.”
“I have studied countless schools of magic. You see before you a practitioner of the elements, a weaver of illusions, a refined chanter, a master of alchemy, pyromancy, aeromancy, geomancy—”
“And…you let him come back for breakfast?”
“Yes, yes. But we’ll just hit you and drag you back so Miss Erin doesn’t see anything nasty. But you’re in serious trouble now, Mister [Necromancer].”
“Not entirely. I do believe my companion would earn a small fee for directing any business to his associates.”
“I believe that may be a Human standard.”
“My specialization lies in other areas.”
“Yes, we wouldn’t want to ruin the enjoyment of mindless thugs like yourself.”
“Good morning everyone! Weird Ant behind me, friendly Human, and—oh.”
“Ah. I see the good [Innkeeper] holds a grudge. Well, I’m not sure what she told you two, but I assure you, I have compensated her more than adequately for my…mistake. It’s nothing two soldiers need concern themselves with.”
“Fascinating. But it’s still the elevated status of a common enforcer when all is said and done, isn’t it?”
“A keen observer would discern his opponent’s weaknesses and strengths and make assumptions based on their actions and ability. These two, on the other hand, are just using a Skill.”
“Right. Good. Anyways, we’re the ones with weapons, and you’re just a [Mage]. Not a high-level one either or you’d be teleporting away.”
“I believe Humans have more limited eyesight than you or I.”
“Look, the city’s that way. It’s only a twenty-minute walk, and there aren’t many monsters along the way. Besides, once you get within a few miles, the area is regularly patrolled, so you won’t have any problems. And if those idiots at the gate stop you—which they won’t—just tell them you know me.”
“Well, it’s not like he’s dangerous. Just annoying.”
“Oops. Sorry, did I scare you? I forgot normal people aren’t used to that. Don’t worry—I never miss when I throw.”
“Gotcha. Tried to run from me, did you? No one ever gets away.”
“Regardless if you know my identity or not, I still believe you will find capturing me no easy task.”
“I am unsure of when he left. He may have escaped only a few minutes ago. We may still catch him if we hurry.”
“Really? I thought—he didn’t seem dangerous. I mean, I hit him with a pot, and that knocked him out.”
“You can do that? Like—sensing each other’s power levels? Really? How?”
“Yeah, but he called me a common thug. I want to punch him for that.”
“Hold on, hold on. We don’t need to beat up Pisces. Like I said, he only tried to rob me. And I already hit him with a pot. What’s this about beating him up?”
“What? Oh no, that’s just Pisces. He’s annoying, so ignore him.”
“That’s quite useful! Most craftsman and artisan classes get that early on. I guess [Innkeepers] are sorta like that, right? Got to take care of the inn, repair windows, fix tables, and all that.”
“Um. Isn’t that wrong?”
“Well, you’ve got the Skill for it, so it’ll be a breeze. And you can buy a hammer no problem. Just head down to the city, and you can get a good one for only a silver coin or two. Tell you what, if you’re ever in the area, I’ll help you get one at a discount.”
“You don’t have wizards or sorcerers or…warlocks? Witches? You’re all just mages?”
“I am a powerful [Mage] far beyond your capabilities. Even if your paltry Skills cannot detect my—capabilities—you would do well to be wary of my hidden…capabilities.”
“If we’re done with the lovely chatting, my glass is empty. Isn’t attending to one’s customers part of my service?”
“If you would be so kind. Thank you, Miss Erin. It is Klbkch, but you may refer to me as Senior Guardsman if that is simpler.”
“I believe staring is considered rude in most cultures. Sit down and cease your rudeness.”
“The term is mage, good Mistress.”
“The fee was extorted under duress.”
“Where did you find—stay out of my kitchen.”
“What? How come you remembered this idiot’s name and not mine?”
“Plus, we already know all about you and your crimes.”
“If you can.”
“Very true. Our absence was most lamentable. But allow us to perform our duty now. Incidentally, Mistress Solstice, the pasta was delicious.”
“Relax. I would prefer not to damage this establishment. Nor would the owner or even you, I suspect.”
“Do you want something? I don’t do magic upon request. If you seek a certain spell, I would be happy to discuss my remunerations…later.”
“Merely another branch of magic, good Mistress Erin. I note you don’t have the same aversion as a less-informed fool. Let me assure you—”
“Or me. However, you should encounter no problems. Only those with past records of crime are unwelcome in Liscor.”
“I do not believe she can, in point of fact.”
“Aha. Accept my apologies. But if you are referring to one of my exalted brethren, mage is the best term to use.”
“Please excuse my companion’s lack of tact.”
“I would be delighted to try the blue fruit. I believe my tongue-tied partner would like some as well.”
“And me. A second plate and a refill of my drink, if you would.”
“Relc.”
“Aren’t I the better-looking one here? What gives?”
“Relc! I’ve got the name, now. And I’ve got more pasta. Well, it’s old pasta, but it still tastes good! And more blue juice. And blue fruit! It’s, uh, not poisonous if you only eat the outer bit.”
“[Basic Crafting]. It helped me make a basket out of grass.”
“Shut up. Do you have to ruin everything I say?”
“I am merely pointing out the truth.”
“Yeah. Hey—shut up!”
“And you didn’t think to report him to anyone?”
“Oh. Oh. I forgot. And besides, you weren’t here yesterday.”
“Hey, you!”
“Oh, but it is, it is! And you’re wrong, by the way.”
“Good throw, huh?”
“Alas, I did not anticipate an arrest, and my gear is signed out at the barracks. I am without manacles or spell-bind rope. We shall have to be attentive with its lack. Unless Miss Solstice has anything to bind him with?”
“I am completely innocent—utterly so. These baseless accusations are false and—”
“Interfering with the weather? How? And what do you mean—magical rain? Like what?”
“Is this place open? Do you provide sustenan—food? I pay, I eat?”
“What do you want?”
“Do we have rules like that?”
“Oh, good. I got worried there for a second.”
“Don’t worry, miss. We’ll do the punching outside where you don’t have to see.”
“Or—or you could not. Isn’t that what nice guardsmen do? You could just arrest him and skip the punching, right?”
“I believe she is saying insults to our position are quite common.”
“But one you sign up for, right? I mean, sure, it’s a great job, but—it’s just a job, right?”
“Signed up? Can you believe this? Humans.”
“Doesn’t stick so well on scales. Anyways, we’ve gotta pay a fine if we lose it, so why risk it, right? I only need it when I want to prove who I am or pull rank, anyways.”
“Pardon me. I would not dare to interrupt such august personages such as yourself. Please, proceed.”
“He’s not my friend.”
“Okay, that’s it. Close your eyes, Miss—”
“Yeah, let’s calm down before someone gets hurt. Like me.”
“Please pardon our intrusion. Is this establishment open for business?”
“Hey, you two! Klb—Klbk? It’s been a while. I guess. But come in. Or come in more. Have a seat. Want something to eat?”
“Oh, he’s probably as dangerous as a frog in a fight. That’s not the problem.”
“And speaking of which…we’ve gotta go. It’s my day off, but we’ll report that annoying Human maggot-mage back at the barracks. If we move fast, we might get him before he runs too far.”
“We should be able to cover the distance in approximately ten minutes if we run.”
“Ah.”
“Another drink if you would. My cup has run dry.”
“Greetings, good Mistress. I was wondering if I could impose upon you—”
“I would be only too happy to. But I fear I was quite parched, and if you would be so good…?”
“It’s early. Yes, I guess I am open. Come in.”
“Such as?”
“You asked. I was merely fulfilling my role as a guest.”
“He’s not invisible? He did that once.”
“Raining toads? Doesn’t that only happen when a tornado picks them up?”
“Indeed. It has been nice to make your acquaintance.”
“But he’s Human.”
“…No. Sorry. It’s just been a busy two days.”
“You sure about that? Really sure, I mean?”
“Yeah. We’ve got to keep it on us at all times. Some guys wear it on their chests, but it can get ripped off. Besides…”
“Do you guys want pasta or blue fruit?”
“Too bad!”
“Wrong? Why would it be wrong?”
“Well—he’s a jerk. But I mean, you’re a guardsman. Insults like that are ten a penny.”
“So, how’re you doing? Level up again?”
“Actually, I did. Right after you two left.”
“Well…stop it.”
“Nice customer you’ve got here.”
“Indeed you will. This is an affront!”
“Klbkch, got anything to tie him up with?”
“How discourteous. I believe I shall bring my business elsewhere next time.”
“Wow, that’s far, right? Wouldn’t you have to be a pretty powerful sorcerer to do that?”
“Like who?”
“Sorry—sorry. It’s just the pincers. And the eyes. It’s just—sorry.”
“Um, where is it? Is it that teensy little wall of stone in the distance?”
“I know that! I just don’t know what I’m seeing! Should I? It’s not like there’s a sign or anything around here. And I can’t see it at all times.”
“So. Does…that mean you’ll be back soon?”
“Indeed. It is unfortunate we must leave so soon. Our apologies, Miss Solstice.”
“What? That’s stupid.”
“Less than an hour, but we won’t be able to stay. Sorry. I’ll try to get the patrol out faster, but you know how it is. We’ve got to shift around guardsmen on patrol, set trackers, get armed up, etc.”
“Do not be alarmed. I mean you no harm.”
“…You mean, you don’t know? By the way, things look smaller in the distance, Miss Solstice.”
“Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, this is outside your jurisdiction! You said it yourself—you don’t patrol my inn! Therefore, it is my inn, and I deny your city’s authority here!”
“I withdraw my testimony.”
“Gotcha!”
“I don’t care! You don’t kill people just because they practice stupid magic! And you don’t kill people just because you don’t like them! And you don’t kill people because killing people is wrong!”
“I have only ever done what I loved. Slay me as well, you thoughtless fools. Just like all of my kind. One day—one of us will follow Az’kerash.”
“He didn’t want to tell you the truth! But he and I both know what happens to [Necromancers]. We—any mage possessing even a single level in the class—are all killed on sight in this part of the world!”
“No fighting. Not here. And no killing!”
“Please, I beg of you. Just one night. Just give me sanctuary, and I swear I will be gone upon the morrow. It is my death without your aid. Would you kill me? I ask you as a fellow Human. Please.”
“That’s what I think of your spells. I’m a former soldier of the 4th Wing of the Liscorian Army. I’ve killed more [Mages] than you have levels. Now, are you going to die quiet or will I have to pay for painting the walls red with your blood?”
“You do that—and I’ll tell all the people who vouched for you that Senior Guardsman Relc arrested someone after a fight he started. You have no proof, no testimony, and I’m pretty sure if you arrest him, that’s illegal.”
“Move and I will stab you.”
“Not likely. I’m gutting you like a fish right here.”
“I believe Senior Guardsman Relc does have just cause, Miss Erin Solstice. It is true that his personal sworn testimony would be called into question if you were to speak against him. [Detect Truth] spells would settle that matter, but Relc’s history of inappropriate conduct on-and-off-duty does not help his case.”
“Nice last words. But remember—your Necromancer died here. Miles from this very spot. The Tidebreaker was his end.”
“So, what? If I don’t decide to help you, will you hurt me? Bash my brains in? Or will you just rip my clothes off and try to rape me?”
“Are you stupid? I don’t want anyone killing anyone! You can’t do it! I forbid it! It’s wrong! It’s illegal.”
“What? No! No killing! Do you hear me?”
“She is correct. Without her testimony, we cannot submit a report regarding his attempted thefts.”
“Then I’ll arrest him, and he’ll be executed tomorrow. Happy?”
“I don’t care! No killing, do you hear me?”
“Last words, [Mage]?”
“Prove. It. Can you? Is there a way to check his, uh, class?”
“I can’t believe this. Are you defending him? Because he’s Human? Or do you not want the blood in here? In that case, I’ll take him out back and—”
“No, he’s an idiot. But he didn’t do anything wrong enough to die for. All he did was try to scare me.”
“I—I give up.”
“I can be ransomed. Quite highly! My school will pay ten—thirty gold coins in whichever denomination you like for my return.”
“I am a man in desperate straits. You would do well not to underestimate what I am capable of.”
“Regardless of your affiliation to any academy, you are still under arrest. Please surrender now or I will be forced to employ lethal force.”
“I assure you, my life is worth far more than you would ever get for me dead. This can all be solved amicably. I will fully cooperate—”
“If I had a knife in my hand, I’d stab you.”
“I—I seek no quarrel with you. I am a graduate of Wistram Academy and a practicing mage. You detain me at your peril.”
“So it would appear.”
“You punched his brains out! That’s not enough to kill him over!”
“[Barrier of Air]!”
“I know.”
“Please forgive my rudeness. Are you well? We doubled back and lingered, knowing the criminal may have only pretended to flee the area. Are you hurt or in need of assistance?”
“He hit me with lightning!”
“Money is shiny. But, uh, inedible. And it’s good to have money, but starvation is an issue.”
“He’s a criminal.”
“There you are!”
“Klb! Get over here and help! This guy’s slipperier than he looks!”
“In point of fact, my comrade’s actions are not—”
“Pantry? Pantry is empty. Food? Food is gone. And money—”
“Humans!”
“Males. They eat and eat and eat. And then I have to clean up the dishes. Typical.”
“I don’t like Humans. They smell. You smell like garbage. Like rancid oil and flames and things that turn my stomach. And Goblins and dust and mold.”
“Begone.”
“You. You’re stinking up this place with dirt and filth. I can smell the things you’ve rolled in. You haven’t washed in—dead gods. I’m covered in Shield Spider guts and you smell worse! Take a bath before you come back here.”
“I don’t want Humans in here. You don’t belong.”
“I’m a Gnoll.”
“Er…apologies, Miss Human. We don’t see many of your kind around here, yes? A [Trader], a traveller? No need to apologize. [Broader Shoulders] means only I can carry a deer back! Half of one, at any rate. If only I had a bag of holding large enough for an entire deer, eh? I wouldn’t make a Human help me lift one of these!”
“What, the Mage’s Guild? You can’t read, Miss Human? Right, you don’t read Drake script. Are you looking for the Mage’s Guild? Runner’s Guild? Adventurer’s Guild? An inn to stay in? Stables? The Watch, maybe? I’m Drassi.”
“Drassi! This is the eleventh time this week! I’ve told you again and again, stop gossiping. I don’t care what your class is—enough. You’re friendly, but you’re also fired.”
“Typical. You go for the top half because the antlers are worth money to the [Alchemists]. Nevermind the intestines being good for sausage or all the organs like the liver and—stop growling at me. I know, Shield Spiders. Damn it. Alright…let me check the quality of the meat. Give me a few minutes. And get a bucket of water and wash yourself off. You’re going to attract Acid Flies.”
“That’s quite alright. Not everyone needs to use an Adventurer’s Guild. Most never will, hopefully. If you’ve never needed any services, let me give you the basic explanation. Here you can let the Guild know about dangerous monsters in your area, post quests and offer rewards, or if you’re an adventurer yourself, you can go look at assignments or receive your reward.”
“Am I an innkeeper? Is that what this world is doing to me?”
“Do I look like a Wolf Beastkin?”
“—by the tribes and fur knots. All the lice in Izril! All the lice in Izril and—and Raskghar on these stupid paving stones!”
“And I want food. Real food. Not fruit. I want bread! I want pasta! I want pizza and soda and salad and ice cream—actually, forget the ice cream. I need meat. Or fish that doesn’t bite back! I want sushi, cheeseburgers and fries, toast, waffles…cereal…”
“That’s because Humans can’t smell anything.”
“Well, I can’t leave the desk, but I can give you some directions. No wonder you were lost—you can’t read any of the signs, can you? Your people normally stick to the north; Esthelm’s as far as most get. What brings you out so far? Oh, and what are you looking for?”
“I dropped it once, okay? It’s not bad, no! And as for cutting it in half—I thought I saw a Shield Spider nest near me. They would have been over the kill—and me—in minutes. The hide’s fine. You can make boots out of what’s here. How much for it all?”
“Tribes and tribulations. Excuse me, Miss. Watch the blood. If that [Guardsman] asks…pretend you never saw me. I’ve got to get this to the [Butchers] before the Acid Flies are all over.”
“It’s far. But I have to go. Maybe? Yes…no. No? Yes. I need food. And I need to feed my guests. It’s my duty as an innkeeper.”
“If you’ve got a bounty—Shield Spiders—I’ll process it now. But this Human was just asking directions. You can’t just kick someone out who—”
“Humans.”
“Unless I go to the city.”
“Sorry? Sorry? When this wheel runs over your foot, no healing potion in the world is going to get it back. Do you think I want that on my conscience?”
“What do I do if I get super-lost? Remember that street name. Squiggly line…got it. And if I can’t remember it or find my way back? Amsterdam, chess tournament. Start crying and ask where mom is…No, wait, I’m older now. Uh—uh—”
“This is the Adventurer’s Guild. That lot didn’t tip you off?”
“Well, if it’s food and general supplies you’re looking for, try the market two streets down from here. To get to it, just take a left as you walk out of here and then turn right, and you’ll be there in no time. They’d also have some clothes there, but I’m not sure if they have any made for Humans. What kind of teleportation spell did that? You mean, people teleportation? Gone wrong? That would be a huge scandal. Anyways, the market will have everything you need.”
“You’re in my way. This is for adventurers.”
“Well, that settles that. I’m off to the city.”
“Great. They’re like cockroaches. Evil, giant, green cockroaches. With teeth. And sharp knives. And red eyes.”
“I’m Erin. Erin Solstice. And no, I’m not, uh, innkeeping here. I live outside the city. In an inn a ways away. I guess. I just came here, because I needed to go shopping. Badly.”
“Are you blind? Stay on the sidewalk! I nearly ran you over!”
“Where’s the other half? You didn’t skin it first? You’ve ruined the hide—and there’s dirt on this part! Did you drag it back?”
“Even instant ramen would be nice. Is that too much to ask?”
“Oh, I see! No worries, Miss Human. You’re just in the wrong spot, but I can give you directions if you’d like.”
“Go on in, Human. Anyone can enter the city. The gates close at sundown.”
“Hold on, now. She’s just lost.”
“Oh no. I’m, uh, an innkeeper. I guess. Or maybe a wanderer? Actually, I’m just new around here.”
“…Right. It’s just that I’m new here. And I’m Human. Nice to meet you. My name is Erin. I, uh, know another guy who works with you. Relc? And Klb…Klb…the insect guy? So yeah. They know me. I’m no threat. And, uh, I saw some Goblins running around a while back. They’re not here right now, but I felt you should know.”
“…Just the lamp.”
“Plus, I need to feed my guests.”
“—broke up again. Hawk can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a month, Courier and gold or not. It’s his obsession with vegetables.”
“Get out of the way, you idiot!”
“A Human? We haven’t seen one of them in…I wonder if another trade caravan’s getting here?”
“You just gave me a damned Corusdeer. Half of one.”
“Good day, Miss. How can we help you today? Do you have a bounty or request to post? Or are you registering?”
“Um. Hi. Are you—are you a wolf-person?”
“Um. A teleportation spell got me here? And I need food. Flour, oil, butter, salt…that kind of thing. And I need clothing. Lots of clothing. And toothpaste!”
“And a sword. I need a sword. And a shield? And armor? And, uh, anti-Goblin spray? Oh, and books! Tons of books. Maps, history books…can I read any of that? Well, Relc and Klbkch speak English. So that’s weird too. And I need bandages, a sewing needle, someone to teach me how to sew…”
“They lied to me.”
“I’m in trouble. Yup, yup. It’s amazing these things lose so much taste after only a few days.”
“And I need to rob a bank.”
“Uh, is this a store?”
“That must be city hall or something. And the place with the wand—was that a magic shop…do they teach magic there? Do they sell wands? Wow. Wow. And I just need to find…a regular people shop.”
“Oh, that’s great. Thank you so much. About how I got here—I don’t know if it was an accident or me—maybe teleportation! But um. Right now I’m just trying to get by. So the market is two streets down and left and right…?”
“What? But I can work harder! Come on, Mister Drells…”
“Oh, hush. He’s fine. He’s more Drake than you are. I’m just saying—”
“Apologies, Miss. Was I in your way?”
“Didn’t they have one back in your city?”
“Horses eat grass, but I’ll pass, so I’ll go to the city fast. Or I’ll die of starvation! And once I’m there, I’ll eat ten pears and—hey, is that a Goblin?”
“Real mages. That is so cool.”
“I don’t have time for this. I’ve got a delivery to run. Sidewalk! Use it!”
“I’ll grow a huge beer belly and start hauling around kegs of ale. That’s what innkeepers do, right?”
“One side, Human! Stop blocking the way!”
“No! I mean, I’m just looking around. Nice to meet…I’m just looking for a—a store!”
“Um. Clothing. Right. And soap. And a toothbrush, if they have toothbrushes. And toothpaste…which they probably don’t have. But something. And I need food obviously, more soap, towels, laundry deter—more soap, and a comb.”
“Sorry! We overheard, yes?”
“Ah, hello? We can help you over here.”
“You sure it’s not him being…him, Drassi?”
“The Adventurer’s Guild?”
“But why does it have to be so far away from anything?”
“Are you a traveller, Miss? Or maybe…an adventurer? Are you here to register?”
“Who’d want to eat blue fruits all day? Raise your hand if that sounds like fun.”
“Humans.”
“Shoo!”
“Is—is there something else you want?”
“Right. Thanks. Uh, have a nice day!”
“Right. A lamp! And a sword.”
“Oh, no! I’m, um—sorry I didn’t help? Sorry you fell?”
“Uh—I—just looking, thanks!”
“Excuse me—um—what’s this building? I can’t read…”
“Excuse me, Miss. Are you waiting in line for…?”
“Clothing. Food. Toothbrush. Toothpaste. And a lamp.”
“They never mentioned innkeepers in the legend of King Arthur. Or did they?”
“Guess I’ve gotta go to the stream. Who knew washing your hands was so much work?”
“N—I mean, I’ve never been in one before.”
“Thirty minutes. No; probably an hour. Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“Registering? Quest? Oh no, I’m not here for…uh, anything. I just thought this might be a store, so I…”
“Oh. Yeah. Um, I’m really sorry about that. It’s just that I’ve been sort of fending for myself, and I didn’t have a change of clothes so—”
“Okay. Okay. I was lost before. I can do this.”
“Yes. And?”
“Typical Humans. Walking in here, stinking up the market, and insulting any non-Humans you find. You should be grateful the Guard doesn’t run you out of the city! First that damn [Necromancer] comes here, and now this smelly one that can’t even read.”
“Got you bastards. You can’t run from Relc! Damn, I thought there were three of you? Whatever. If Erin doesn’t love this—now I need to find some wood. Damn. I should be having dinner!”
“Remember that [Necromancer] guy I told you me and Klbkch tracked down? She wouldn’t let us kill him even after he blasted us both with a few spells. Just kept saying that he wasn’t that bad.”
“It was the last skill I got from my [Sergeant] class. I think you get it in [Spearmaster] as well, but I don’t know. Either way, it’s a life-saver.”
“Two coppers per ear…nah. Stick. Stick. You’ve gotta put them on sticks and—you know what? She can figure out how she wants to mount them.”
“[Iron Scales].”
“But that’s what you think.”
“Lism!”
“I really didn’t mean it. It’s just—[Necromancers], y’know? They’re dangerous. And it’s best to kill them on sight.”
“No. If Klbkch can do it, so can I. Anything that damn bug can do I can do better. But hey, what’s this about a Human? Is it that female one I was telling you about?”
“It was nothing. They’re no threat to me or anyone with a few levels in any warrior class. But don’t worry about those pests. I said I’d make it up to you, didn’t I? I’ll do something about them.”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“…Can I buy a bag?”
“Don’t touch. You’ll stink it up with your Human smell.”
“Look, I’m still really sorry about before. I didn’t mean—well, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“Right at the start. Did you see her expression? Relc’s not gonna have an easy time explaining that.”
“Hey! Slither off, you little bastards!”
“No touching the food with your filthy hands unless you’re buying!”
“You, Human! If you’re looking for a bargain, shop here!”
“Are—are you sure that’s the price? I mean, it sounds like a lot—”
“Thanks for helping. With the Goblins.”
“She makes a mean plate of pasta, let me tell you. And she’s tougher than she looks—I didn’t think any Human could survive out in the Floodplains that long. She’s funny too.”
“I don’t have all day to play fetch for you, Human. Just tell me what you want to buy first.”
“Kicked out of three shops. And two homes. And then the Adventurer’s Guild.”
“It’s not often I get to rescue a damsel in distress. That’s what they call Human females, right? Damsels? Anyways, I saw you were in trouble, so I immediately rushed to help.”
“What does it look like, Human?”
“I didn’t have enough money.”
“No offense meant, Miss, but how’d you trade a gold coin for a sack or two of flour?”
“You’ve got no talent for that game. If you didn’t have [Thick Scales], you’d have cut your hand off years ago.”
“Where?”
“I…could help you find what you want. Krshia’s Silverfang Goods. Do you have anything you want or—?”
“Yeah. He said she was really annoying. And she talked too much.”
“Hrmf. Suit yourself.”
“Well, there are signs. I just can't read them.”
“Magic. Either that or they're all bilingual. Or trilingual. Or something.”
“Sausages. Mm. But hey, why didn’t you buy any clothes? I thought all females loved clothes, Drake or Human.”
“So. You bought food, huh? Making lots of pasta tonight?”
“Finally.”
“Right, right. But, uh, good to see you made it to the city. So how’d you like it?”
“Until later, Miss Erin.”
“No, I’ll just wander around and—look. Thank you.”
“Uh. I can’t read that. Sorry.”
“Well, what are you seeking?”