1.09

“Anyways, we’ve gotta pay a fine if we lose it, so why risk it, right? I only need it when I want to prove who I am or pull rank, anyways.”

“I would be only too happy to. But I fear I was quite parched, and if you would be so good…?”

“And me. A second plate and a refill of my drink, if you would.”

“It’s early. Yes, I guess I am open. Come in.”

“Another drink if you would. My cup has run dry.”

“Interfering with the weather? How? And what do you mean—magical rain? Like what?”

“…No. Sorry. It’s just been a busy two days.”

“A keen observer would discern his opponent’s weaknesses and strengths and make assumptions based on their actions and ability. These two, on the other hand, are just using a Skill.”

“Good. For you. So what, a—mage did this?”

“Greetings, good Mistress. I was wondering if I could impose upon you—”

“How about you do the magic spell where you turn into a monster? I’d love to see that. Or better yet, do you have a spell to get out of trouble? Because you’re going to need one now.”

“Do you guys want pasta or blue fruit?”

“A rogue [Necromancer] on the loose does nasty things. Even a low-level one can bring down villages if you give him enough dead bodies, and they level fast when that happens. Damn, I’m not going to be the one who let the next Az’kerash get away, Klb. We’re gonna have to hunt this guy down. If we can’t catch him today, I’ll have the Captain send out multiple patrols once we get back to the city. Erin, we have to go, but I think you’re safe if that guy didn’t do anything last time.”

“If I might trouble you for a knife and fork—”

“Sorry. It’s just—uh, you know. I’ve got a bad memory.”

“Oh. Okay. But, uh, does that mean—how long does it take to get back?”

“I would like to peruse your menu if I m—”

“No—no need, good Mistress Solstice. I am quite satisfied at the moment.”

“You multiplied. Can Humans do that?”

“A pity. But we shall do without.”

“We’re no soldiers. We’re [Guardsmen]. And we’ve been looking for the bastard who’s been robbing homes with illusion spells.”

“Not entirely. I do believe my companion would earn a small fee for directing any business to his associates.”

“I paid no attention. The plebian masses are a burden to be endured; I bear no ill will to the misinformed or ignorant for their rudeness.”

“Good morning everyone! Weird Ant behind me, friendly Human, and—oh.”

“So, um, hi again. It’s been a while. Klb…Klbkch and…?”

“Yeah. Last night, I was visited by a scary monster. But when I hit it with a pa—pot, it turned out just to be him. So I got him to pay up for scaring me. That covers all the food he ate, I guess.”

“Well, he’s right. We do have Skills. They’re part of our classes, although in my case I’ve got [Dangersense]. But I’m also a former soldier. And Klb? He’s the Slayer. We can tell you’re not hot stuff, Human.”

“Well, well. Theft of a corpse and reanimation, no doubt. That’s another big mark on the list of charges. But necromancy, well, that also means we don’t have to bring you back alive anymore.”

“Shut up! You’re lucky I didn’t just toss you in the stream and let the fish eat you!”

“Last I checked, you were within arm’s reach. That means your fancy spells aren’t going to do a thing before I hit you hard enough to make your brains pop out. Trust me. I’ve done it before.”

“Look, I’m not sure what Humans do, but in our city, the city watch isn’t like mercenaries or personal bodyguards. We don’t just sign up. We have to be voted in.”

“Really. See, we’ve gotta get at least fifty ordinary citizens to vouch for us before we’re sworn in. And to become Senior Guardsmen like us, you’ve got to get at least four hundred. Impressive, right?”

“Humans. You’re so arrogant and crazy. It’s almost funny. If you’re so full of powerful magic, dodge this.”

“And necromancy.”

“Like dead bodies.”

“I am a powerful [Mage] far beyond your capabilities. Even if your paltry Skills cannot detect my—capabilities—you would do well to be wary of my hidden…capabilities.”

“Aren’t I the better-looking one here? What gives?”

“What? You told me yesterday. Oh, and were you the one who stole the skeleton upstairs? I just realized that was probably you.”

“We’ve been looking for you, Mister Mage. Or should I say, the scary creature that threatens travellers and people living by themselves? You’ve been stealing food and money for nearly a month. There’s even a bounty on your head, which I’d love to collect.”

“The name is Erin, idiot.”

“Okay. So you’re saying [Mage] means anyone who uses magic. Next time, just say that.”

“Shut up. Do you have to ruin everything I say?”

“Spoken like a truly ignorant fool. What would you know of magical mastery? My powers may not lie in mere confrontation, but I assure you, I have more power in my fingernails than you have in your entire brutish body.”

“We thought he was just an illusionist. That’s annoying, but really all he can do is scare folks into giving him things. But a necromancer’s worse. Far worse. We could let him go if he was just a normal [Mage], but we’ve got to find him now, and he knows it.”

“I don’t want it anyways. Besides, you tried to rob me last time. You’re here on sufferance because I feel bad for you.”

“Fascinating. But it’s still the elevated status of a common enforcer when all is said and done, isn’t it?”

“Oops. Sorry, did I scare you? I forgot normal people aren’t used to that. Don’t worry—I never miss when I throw.”

“No one insults me regularly. Except Watch Captain Z and Klb, come to think of it. People like me. Everyone likes us. We’ve got a special job.”

“Don’t worry, miss. We’ll do the punching outside where you don’t have to see.”

“Perhaps if you explained our function more properly there would be no need for outrage. Clearly, the nature of guardspeople differs culturally. I thought Humans did it quite similarly in the north, but…elaborate, Relc.”

“You want pasta? It’s in the kitchen. Get it yourself.”

“Do you want something? I don’t do magic upon request. If you seek a certain spell, I would be happy to discuss my remunerations…later.”

“Yeah, but he called me a common thug. I want to punch him for that.”

“Regardless if you know my identity or not, I still believe you will find capturing me no easy task.”

“I believe that may be a Human standard.”

“It’s not just a job. It’s a highly prestigious job! Not just anyone can be part of the city guard, let alone a Senior Guard.”

“You’re still under arrest. I can hit you. It’s only because I’m being considerate of Miss Solstice here that I don’t. But I will. If you don’t shut up.”

“I have studied countless schools of magic. You see before you a practitioner of the elements, a weaver of illusions, a refined chanter, a master of alchemy, pyromancy, aeromancy, geomancy—”

“I did not say specialization is absent from the magical world. Rather, shall we say that those are titles for mages who meet certain requirements? A [Wizard] is an arcane researcher and true student of the arcane arts. Such individuals are similar to myself, but prefer to study the mainstream branches of magic. [Sorcerers], on the other hand, are quite simplistic and refer to those who use no spellbooks and have little formal education. [Warlocks] obtain their powers from other sources such as summoning, while [Witches] practice alchemy along with specialized schools of magic. Their…very peculiar magic, which is so rooted in folklore. Nevertheless, [Mage] remains the generally accepted title to refer to all those who practice magic as a catchall moniker…”

“Does it rain like this a lot?”

“Doesn’t stick so well on scales.”

“…Is it that grey stuff there?”

“I believe Humans have more limited eyesight than you or I.”

“Very true. Our absence was most lamentable. But allow us to perform our duty now. Incidentally, Mistress Solstice, the pasta was delicious.”

“That’s a lot of rain.”

“Really? That’s really generous. Thank you.”

“The city? What about it?”

“With magic, how else? Some shortsighted fool must have cast a localized weather control spell. Impressive, I suppose, but clumsy in execution. As for magical rain—have you never observed glowing rain in any color? Magical typhoons? Ah…raining toads?”

“I believe staring is considered rude in most cultures. Sit down and cease your rudeness.”

“And…you let him come back for breakfast?”

“Aren’t there rules? Like, rules against police—guardsmen hurting people once they’re caught? Like…like no beating someone once they’re on the ground?”

“[Detect Guilt] is a basic Skill most [Guardsmen] get. I can sense your guilt, which is enough for me to justify this arrest.”

“Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. Me and my friend here will drag you out back, beat you with sticks or rocks for a while, and then drag you back to the city for a reward. Then we’ll give half to our lovely innkeeper here. Sound good?”

“Hold on, hold on. We don’t need to beat up Pisces. Like I said, he only tried to rob me. And I already hit him with a pot. What’s this about beating him up?”

“Yes, yes. But we’ll just hit you and drag you back so Miss Erin doesn’t see anything nasty. But you’re in serious trouble now, Mister [Necromancer].”

“Thank you for informing us of his class, Mistress Erin. Although he posed no threat to either Relc or I, he is far more dangerous than we had believed. I did not notice the illusion spell. I have grown inattentive, lax. Relc as well, but this is a critical failing on my part.”

“And speaking of which…we’ve gotta go. It’s my day off, but we’ll report that annoying Human maggot-mage back at the barracks. If we move fast, we might get him before he runs too far.”

“Don’t mind Klbkch. He’s ugly even for an ant. But you really can’t see the city from here?”

“Alas, I did not anticipate an arrest, and my gear is signed out at the barracks. I am without manacles or spell-bind rope. We shall have to be attentive with its lack. Unless Miss Solstice has anything to bind him with?”

“Don’t worry, Miss. He’s no threat or we’d have taken him out when we first realized who he was. He looked more dangerous than he turned out to be. You see, both of us can tell if we’re in danger or the enemy is strong. This idiot couldn’t even use [Flash Step] properly!”

“Look, the city’s that way. It’s only a twenty-minute walk, and there aren’t many monsters along the way. Besides, once you get within a few miles, the area is regularly patrolled, so you won’t have any problems. And if those idiots at the gate stop you—which they won’t—just tell them you know me.”

“No. I’d be able to sense if he were within a few feet of me. This was an illusion spell. A damn clever one, too. He pretended he was here and walked off while we were busy chatting. Most idiot spellcasters aren’t that stealthy or…when did he creep off? Klb, it was when you let go of him! I didn’t even see the chair move—damn, the chair’s an illusion too! Normally I can hear idiots skulking around even on the battlefield! This bastard tricked me! Me!”

“How discourteous. I believe I shall bring my business elsewhere next time.”

“Do not move. You are under arrest for intimidation and attempted theft. Remain still. Any sudden moves will result in bodily harm.”

“Do we have rules like that?”

“Yes, we wouldn’t want to ruin the enjoyment of mindless thugs like yourself.”

“Or—or you could not. Isn’t that what nice guardsmen do? You could just arrest him and skip the punching, right?”

“Oh, he’s probably as dangerous as a frog in a fight. That’s not the problem.”

“Less than an hour, but we won’t be able to stay. Sorry. I’ll try to get the patrol out faster, but you know how it is. We’ve got to shift around guardsmen on patrol, set trackers, get armed up, etc.”

“Oh, sorry we forgot to pay. We’re in a hurry so—put it on our tab!”

“That’s quite useful! Most craftsman and artisan classes get that early on. I guess [Innkeepers] are sorta like that, right? Got to take care of the inn, repair windows, fix tables, and all that.”

“Ah. I see the good [Innkeeper] holds a grudge. Well, I’m not sure what she told you two, but I assure you, I have compensated her more than adequately for my…mistake. It’s nothing two soldiers need concern themselves with.”

“The fee was extorted under duress.”

“Peh. You should drink. It’ll be the last tasty thing you eat for a long time. Actually, what am I saying? This stuff’s way too good for you. Just remember what you’re missing when we lock you away.”

“…You mean, you don’t know? By the way, things look smaller in the distance, Miss Solstice.”

“Or destroying us in a number of ways. The lack of lightning falling from the sky or [Fireballs] confirms this.”

“Relax. I would prefer not to damage this establishment. Nor would the owner or even you, I suspect.”

“Or me. However, you should encounter no problems. Only those with past records of crime are unwelcome in Liscor.”

“I believe she is saying insults to our position are quite common.”

“I am unsure of when he left. He may have escaped only a few minutes ago. We may still catch him if we hurry.”

“What? How come you remembered this idiot’s name and not mine?”

“Ahem. Of course, that is how the phenomenon actually occurs. But the impetus is largely magical…I see you know your way around some natural events. This particular storm will not be raining any creatures, however. It truly was someone simply sending unwanted rain our way. It may be a scandal, although given how the Drake cities squabble—I detected it from the south. Perhaps as far as Pallass.”

“Relc! I’ve got the name, now. And I’ve got more pasta. Well, it’s old pasta, but it still tastes good! And more blue juice. And blue fruit! It’s, uh, not poisonous if you only eat the outer bit.”

“And you didn’t think to report him to anyone?”

“Gotcha. Tried to run from me, did you? No one ever gets away.”

“Really? I thought—he didn’t seem dangerous. I mean, I hit him with a pot, and that knocked him out.”

“But one you sign up for, right? I mean, sure, it’s a great job, but—it’s just a job, right?”

“If you would be so kind. Thank you, Miss Erin. It is Klbkch, but you may refer to me as Senior Guardsman if that is simpler.”

“I guess. I haven’t ever tried that, and besides, I don’t have a hammer. Actually, I’ve never swung a hammer in my life.”

“Do not be alarmed. I mean you no harm.”

“Pardon me. I would not dare to interrupt such august personages such as yourself. Please, proceed.”

“Yes. And it’s not as if this is a particularly difficult task. I realize it may look so to the uninitiated, but a spell like this could easily be cast by a level 30 [Mage]. Less, I suppose, if the individual were specialized.”

“I would be delighted to try the blue fruit. I believe my tongue-tied partner would like some as well.”

“[Basic Crafting]. It helped me make a basket out of grass.”

“If we’re done with the lovely chatting, my glass is empty. Isn’t attending to one’s customers part of my service?”

“Sorry. Again. But…you said rob? As in, that guy over there tried to rob you?”

“You are lying.”

“Oh, good. I got worried there for a second.”

“Right. Good. Anyways, we’re the ones with weapons, and you’re just a [Mage]. Not a high-level one either or you’d be teleporting away.”

“You sure about that? Really sure, I mean?”

“Yeah, let’s calm down before someone gets hurt. Like me.”

“Aha. Accept my apologies. But if you are referring to one of my exalted brethren, mage is the best term to use.”

“Well—he’s a jerk. But I mean, you’re a guardsman. Insults like that are ten a penny.”

“Don’t be snippy. But it’s easy to spot. Look, you can even see it out the window here.”

“Merely another branch of magic, good Mistress Erin. I note you don’t have the same aversion as a less-informed fool. Let me assure you—”

“Well, it’s not like he’s dangerous. Just annoying.”

“I do not believe she can, in point of fact.”

“Sorry—sorry. It’s just the pincers. And the eyes. It’s just—sorry.”

“Seldom. It is a seasonal weather pattern to rain like this in the spring. Fall downpours like these are an aberration. Normally, I would not hazard a guess at how long the rain would fall, but someone has been interfering with the weather. So we’ll have a brief storm, that’s all. Hardly anything as memorable as magical rain.”

“Raining toads? Doesn’t that only happen when a tornado picks them up?”

“You don’t have wizards or sorcerers or…warlocks? Witches? You’re all just mages?”

“We should be able to cover the distance in approximately ten minutes if we run.”

“I know that! I just don’t know what I’m seeing! Should I? It’s not like there’s a sign or anything around here. And I can’t see it at all times.”

“Fewer words. Get to the point.”

“You can do that? Like—sensing each other’s power levels? Really? How?”

“Actually, I did. Right after you two left.”

“Ooh, congratulations! Did you get a new skill?”

“Plus, we already know all about you and your crimes.”

“Yeah. We’ve got to keep it on us at all times. Some guys wear it on their chests, but it can get ripped off. Besides…”

“What? Oh no, that’s just Pisces. He’s annoying, so ignore him.”

“But he’s Human.”

“Indeed. It is unfortunate we must leave so soon. Our apologies, Miss Solstice.”

“Is this place open? Do you provide sustenan—food? I pay, I eat?”

“Signed up? Can you believe this? Humans.”

“It happens quite often. A natural weather phenomenon, you know.”

“Indeed. It has been nice to make your acquaintance.”

“Oh, but it is, it is! And you’re wrong, by the way.”

“If you can.”

“Um, where is it? Is it that teensy little wall of stone in the distance?”

“No, it’s really not. It could be a rock. A square rock.”

“Klbkch, got anything to tie him up with?”

“Wow, that’s far, right? Wouldn’t you have to be a pretty powerful sorcerer to do that?”

“Where did you find—stay out of my kitchen.”

“As I said, not that impressive. Many mages could cast a spell like this.”

“It’s not a rock. Why are you having a hard time believing me? Can’t you see the buildings?”

“I am merely pointing out the truth.”

“Well, you’ve got the Skill for it, so it’ll be a breeze. And you can buy a hammer no problem. Just head down to the city, and you can get a good one for only a silver coin or two. Tell you what, if you’re ever in the area, I’ll help you get one at a discount.”

“You asked. I was merely fulfilling my role as a guest.”

“Yeah, it’s great! Hold on.”

“I am completely innocent—utterly so. These baseless accusations are false and—”

“Right, well. It’s still not—okay.”

“So we’ve gotta go. Why? Are you worried he’ll attack you?”

“Well, yeah. Isn’t it obvious?”

“Relc! Right, right.”

“I’m sure. I’m sure. And I’m not scared. Just—surprised.”

“My specialization lies in other areas.”

“Wrong? Why would it be wrong?”

“Nice. So that’s your official badge?”

“Oh. Oh. I forgot. And besides, you weren’t here yesterday.”

“The term is mage, good Mistress.”

“Nice customer you’ve got here.”

“Hey, you two! Klb—Klbk? It’s been a while. I guess. But come in. Or come in more. Have a seat. Want something to eat?”

“Ah. Eh. Um, what I meant was—”

“Indeed you will. This is an affront!”

“Really? I thought you just…signed up.”

“He’s not invisible? He did that once.”

“Please pardon our intrusion. Is this establishment open for business?”

“You. This establishment.”

“Right. Food. I’ll have some.”

“So, how’re you doing? Level up again?”

“Good throw, huh?”

“So. Does…that mean you’ll be back soon?”

“What? That’s stupid.”

“…What tab?”

“Um. Very well. Are you open today?”

“No, not that. It’s just—the city.”

“Please excuse my companion’s lack of tact.”

“Uh, no. No, sorry.”

“He’s not my friend.”

“Okay, that’s it. Close your eyes, Miss—”

“Can you?”

“No, I can’t.”

“Don’t—don’t do that!”

“And a plate?”

“Actually, I would prefer—”

“Ten a what?”

“Gone.”

“Such as?”

“Um. Isn’t that wrong?”

“Good, good.”

“Humans. They’re so—”

“My thanks.”

“Y-yeah.”

“Relc.”

“What? Oh. Yeah.”

“Um, sorry.”

“What do you want?”

“Ooh, pasta!”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, Klbkch, coming?”

“Who?”

“Really?”

“Like who?”

“About what?”

“Really?”

“Why?”

“Here?”

“Too bad!”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Hey—shut up!”

“That’s—”

“Oh.”

“Well…stop it.”

“Hey, you!”

“Ah.”

“What?”

“Well then.”

“No—no problem.”

“Oh, really?”

“What the—”

“So…?”