“That’s Senior Guardsman Klbkch to you, rookie. Send a street runner to tell the Captain.”

“Ooh. I’d hate to be Relc. Klbkch didn’t do anything, though. But he’s…eugh.”

“What, are you crazy? Let me talk. That was just a misunderstanding caused by seeing your face. I’ll straighten all this out.”

“Shut up. Are you trying to scare her?”

“Good evening.”

“Do you mean to say you found a Dragon? Somewhere around this area? And you—survived the encounter. Unharmed?”

“Oh, right. Those annoying things. What’re they called, Klbkch?”

“The plague. This location was once a small community until everyone here died. Horribly. Admittedly, this was a decade ago, but it was evacuated and has been condemned since then.”

“We may be able to fit checking in there as part of our duties if we convince the Captain it is necessary.”

“Maybe it was a bad time?”

“A pity.”

“Razorbeaks. Go on, Miss.”

“Indeed. And I must apologize again, but our true intent in coming here was to ascertain the danger posed here.”

“Indeed.”

“What about it? Oh, are you wondering about mine? I’m a [Spearmaster]. This idiot’s a [Swordslayer]. We both have levels in [Guardsman] as well, but not nearly as much as our primary classes. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Actually, I would like to correct you on that point. While the thinking races may level, animals and even creatures such as Dragons are not capable of leveling. Which is common knowledge.”

“Please, I mean no harm. But your hand. May I see it?”

“Thank you—ow!”

“Is she female? I could not tell with complete accuracy. She sounded so, but I have met few Humans in social settings.”

“I cannot imagine she would survive an encounter with a real Dragon. Armies would not.”

“Klb! That’s so devious! We can waste hours and say it was all an investigation! Now you’re thinking like a Drake!”

“I will accept the pasta and water as well. But may I inquire if you have any more meat-based dishes? Corusdeer, perhaps?”

“Move over. Let me show you how it’s done.”

“Thank you very much.”

“To put it succinctly: we saw the fire and decided to investigate.”

“I will endeavor not to in the future.”

“Am I a Dragon? Aha. Haha. Well, that’s just—oh, Ancestors bite me. I mean, do I look like one? I’m not even Oldblood, but maybe I do. Klb, buddy, what do you think?”

“Or inflict other forms of bodily or mental harm upon you.”

“Good job not scaring her.”

“You are blushing.”

“Go roast yourself.”

“You said it poorly. I am merely rephrasing your words for the benefit of all.”

“Well, to begin with, may we inquire where you come from?”

“Indeed. We would not violate our duty as guardsmen.”

“And not oozing.”

“Shut up. This is your fault. I told you I should go first. I’m not a horrific Ant.”

“Now what? I do not believe breaking and entering would be appropriate at this moment.”

“Yes, but I have my badge on. You have not brought yours. Again. For the eighth day in a row. Therefore, I was the most logical choice to—”

“Be quiet. I’m in a good mood now.”

“W-want something to eat?”

“Well, I’ll gladly accept. Klbkch, you want any?”

“See, this. This is why no one else is willing to be your partner. Along with you being, y’know, you.”

“Not if they did not cause it. Intriguing. Was it a magical duel, perhaps? Some high-level spellcasting?”

“Your duty? You’re…guardsmen? And you…you’re K—kbch?”

“Excuse me? I’m not a Dragon, Miss Human. I’m just an incredible Drake in service to the City Watch. Me and my idiot partner were on patrol when we noticed the smoke. May we come in? I promise we won’t bite.”

“I will pass for the moment. We should get down to business rather than partake of food.”

“Your hurtful remarks are unnecessary. Besides which, I believe we are getting off track. We are in the presence of a member of the general public, remember.”

“Our pardons. We have not introduced ourselves. Allow me to correct this mistake. I am Klbkch, Senior Guardsman in the employ of the City of Liscor. This is my partner, also a Senior Guardsman.”

“Indeed. There is no law against occupying this area.”

“Please, believe me. It will heal you.”

“I would prefer that you call my species by their proper name.”

“So, a lesser healing potion of no worth, huh? You know, I’ve never heard you lie like that.”

“I would gladly partake of nourishment if offered. However, we would not wish to deprive you of your meal.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Of course we wouldn’t eat you! That’s barbaric, and besides, it’s illegal. I mean, okay, sure, it happens sometimes in distant villages, but we wouldn’t do that. Right, Klbkch?”

“Why don’t you shut up and let me talk? Look, Miss Human. You’re probably not sick if you’re still walking around.”

“That is unusual. I was under the impression levels worked uniformly across all species. However, I too understand the issues of communicating leveling and the system of classes. Even so, it is odd to think there is a nation that does not teach it in some way. Unless you are referring to a cultural difference in classes?”

“I believe it was my turn to do that. Apologize to the Human for your rudeness.”

“It is poison. Of a sort.”

“Please, it was nothing. That was merely a low-grade healing potion of no great worth. Let us call it payment for the meal. Unless, of course, you object?”

“Mammary glands? Breasts, I think they’re referred to. Or maybe the word is tits.”

“You’re a regular do-gooder, huh? Trying to level up your…[Good Person] class? Is that a class?”

“Well, after I got the eggs, there was a crab rock, I mean, a rock crab, and then I found blue fruits before that and…I met you two. A not-dragon and an insect. Who don’t want to eat me? Or is that after the meal?”

“Actually, the plague symptoms manifested themselves as—”

“It is not an infection.”

“Apologies. It is unwise to hug those with exoskeletons. Please, are you hurt?”

“So, shall we return tomorrow?”

“You know fully well that I have no levels in any class of the kind. I was merely being kind.”

“That would be a preservation spell. It is quite common among higher-class establishments.”

“Nice rocks to laze about upon while we should be performing our duties.”

“I am sure you would prefer that. But we are being paid to work, not to enjoy ourselves. Moreover, you are eating all of this Human’s dinner.”

“Fine. Antinium. Happy?”

“Good evening, Miss Human. I was wondering if my colleague and I could take up a moment of your time—”

“Only a few differences, but the animosity between their cultures is—”

“Shut up, Klbkch!”

“Yep. Good thing it’s meant to treat light infections too. Klb, are you going to…?”

“We are still on duty, if you recall. The Captain will be expecting a report. If we do return, we will have more time to socialize.”

“I have no sexual attraction towards Humans. Unlike you.”

“This is a low-grade healing potion. If you pour it over your injury, it should heal your affliction.”

“I will have another as well.”

“I feel I must mention that you, personally, cannot breathe fire, Relc.”

“Indeed. It is part of our shared past. Once, of course, all races fought with tooth and claw and magic, but then they divided. Those who decided to forsake their natures and pursue a different truth received the gift of leveling, while those creatures who stayed true to their nature kept the might of their natures instead. According to historical records, at least. It is the subject of some studies, but that is the consensus.”

“You idiot. I told you this is why I should have opened the door.”

“There. I have signed us both out. Again.”

“They must be busy.”

“Klbkch and…Drake Guy.”

“Are you done logging out for the day yet?”

“Almost.”

“A pity. Let’s be on our way.”

“Don’t insult the Watch Captain while we are within earshot.”

“You know we will be called upon to go after those who got away. And there is damage assessment, guard detail, investigating any burglaries during the violence…”

“After you.”

“They said they’d visit. But did they mean that or are they busy? Either way, I can always make more pasta and save some for later, right?”

“Do not fret. The Human will not be going anywhere.”

“Please pardon our intrusion. Is this establishment open for business?”

“Do you guys want pasta or blue fruit?”

“Relc.”

“Very true. Our absence was most lamentable. But allow us to perform our duty now. Incidentally, Mistress Solstice, the pasta was delicious.”

“You are lying.”

“Hey, Klbkch, coming?”

“I believe staring is considered rude in most cultures. Sit down and cease your rudeness.”

“Indeed. It has been nice to make your acquaintance.”

“So, um, hi again. It’s been a while. Klb…Klbkch and…?”

“I am merely pointing out the truth.”

“Ah. I see the good [Innkeeper] holds a grudge. Well, I’m not sure what she told you two, but I assure you, I have compensated her more than adequately for my…mistake. It’s nothing two soldiers need concern themselves with.”

“No one insults me regularly. Except Watch Captain Z and Klb, come to think of it. People like me. Everyone likes us. We’ve got a special job.”

“Or destroying us in a number of ways. The lack of lightning falling from the sky or [Fireballs] confirms this.”

“I am unsure of when he left. He may have escaped only a few minutes ago. We may still catch him if we hurry.”

“What? How come you remembered this idiot’s name and not mine?”

“[Detect Guilt] is a basic Skill most [Guardsmen] get. I can sense your guilt, which is enough for me to justify this arrest.”

“Such as?”

“My thanks.”

“Shut up. Do you have to ruin everything I say?”

“A pity. But we shall do without.”

“No. I’d be able to sense if he were within a few feet of me. This was an illusion spell. A damn clever one, too. He pretended he was here and walked off while we were busy chatting. Most idiot spellcasters aren’t that stealthy or…when did he creep off? Klb, it was when you let go of him! I didn’t even see the chair move—damn, the chair’s an illusion too! Normally I can hear idiots skulking around even on the battlefield! This bastard tricked me! Me!”

“Klbkch, got anything to tie him up with?”

“Do we have rules like that?”

“A keen observer would discern his opponent’s weaknesses and strengths and make assumptions based on their actions and ability. These two, on the other hand, are just using a Skill.”

“Relax. I would prefer not to damage this establishment. Nor would the owner or even you, I suspect.”

“I believe Humans have more limited eyesight than you or I.”

“Well then.”

“I would be delighted to try the blue fruit. I believe my tongue-tied partner would like some as well.”

“Alas, I did not anticipate an arrest, and my gear is signed out at the barracks. I am without manacles or spell-bind rope. We shall have to be attentive with its lack. Unless Miss Solstice has anything to bind him with?”

“I believe that may be a Human standard.”

“Perhaps if you explained our function more properly there would be no need for outrage. Clearly, the nature of guardspeople differs culturally. I thought Humans did it quite similarly in the north, but…elaborate, Relc.”

“I believe she is saying insults to our position are quite common.”

“Well, he’s right. We do have Skills. They’re part of our classes, although in my case I’ve got [Dangersense]. But I’m also a former soldier. And Klb? He’s the Slayer. We can tell you’re not hot stuff, Human.”

“Thank you for informing us of his class, Mistress Erin. Although he posed no threat to either Relc or I, he is far more dangerous than we had believed. I did not notice the illusion spell. I have grown inattentive, lax. Relc as well, but this is a critical failing on my part.”

“We should be able to cover the distance in approximately ten minutes if we run.”

“A rogue [Necromancer] on the loose does nasty things. Even a low-level one can bring down villages if you give him enough dead bodies, and they level fast when that happens. Damn, I’m not going to be the one who let the next Az’kerash get away, Klb. We’re gonna have to hunt this guy down. If we can’t catch him today, I’ll have the Captain send out multiple patrols once we get back to the city. Erin, we have to go, but I think you’re safe if that guy didn’t do anything last time.”

“Or me. However, you should encounter no problems. Only those with past records of crime are unwelcome in Liscor.”

“Sorry—sorry. It’s just the pincers. And the eyes. It’s just—sorry.”

“Indeed. It is unfortunate we must leave so soon. Our apologies, Miss Solstice.”

“Don’t mind Klbkch. He’s ugly even for an ant. But you really can’t see the city from here?”

“Do not move. You are under arrest for intimidation and attempted theft. Remain still. Any sudden moves will result in bodily harm.”

“Good morning everyone! Weird Ant behind me, friendly Human, and—oh.”

“Please excuse my companion’s lack of tact.”

“Not entirely. I do believe my companion would earn a small fee for directing any business to his associates.”

“Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. Me and my friend here will drag you out back, beat you with sticks or rocks for a while, and then drag you back to the city for a reward. Then we’ll give half to our lovely innkeeper here. Sound good?”

“Hey, you two! Klb—Klbk? It’s been a while. I guess. But come in. Or come in more. Have a seat. Want something to eat?”

“Well…stop it.”

“Oh. Oh. I forgot. And besides, you weren’t here yesterday.”

“Do not be alarmed. I mean you no harm.”

“I do not believe she can, in point of fact.”

“If you would be so kind. Thank you, Miss Erin. It is Klbkch, but you may refer to me as Senior Guardsman if that is simpler.”

“I paid no attention. The plebian masses are a burden to be endured; I bear no ill will to the misinformed or ignorant for their rudeness.”

“Oh no. Absolutely not. You’re all wrong, Klbkch.”

“I was, in fact, upstairs the entire time. Under a bed. It was the simplest solution given the intelligence of those two brutish guardsmen.”

“Klb! Get over here and help! This guy’s slipperier than he looks!”

“In point of fact, my comrade’s actions are not—”

“…I believe I am incorrect. Relc, the Watch has no authority here. This is an independent inn, and the [Innkeeper] is allowed to deny our authority here.”

“I will cease all magic and go with you quietly if you assure my life. I meant no harm to you or your companion. But we are at an impasse until you do.”

“Klb—help me out here!”

“That would be inadvisable, Relc. We are off-duty, and Miss Solstice has stated her case. Executing a [Mage] of Wistram might also affect the Academy’s relationship with our city. Which the Council and Watch Captain would not be happy about.”

“Can she?”

“Desist your actions or—”

“…No. Not without an artifact. Klb, you got an [Appraisal] scroll?”

“I believe Senior Guardsman Relc does have just cause, Miss Erin Solstice. It is true that his personal sworn testimony would be called into question if you were to speak against him. [Detect Truth] spells would settle that matter, but Relc’s history of inappropriate conduct on-and-off-duty does not help his case.”

“I do not believe I am.”

“I have only ever done what I loved. Slay me as well, you thoughtless fools. Just like all of my kind. One day—one of us will follow Az’kerash.”

“No.”

“Miss Solstice.”

“I—I seek no quarrel with you. I am a graduate of Wistram Academy and a practicing mage. You detain me at your peril.”

“Is useless. Surrender.”

“She is correct. Without her testimony, we cannot submit a report regarding his attempted thefts.”

“Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, this is outside your jurisdiction! You said it yourself—you don’t patrol my inn! Therefore, it is my inn, and I deny your city’s authority here!”

“Then go. Now.”

“However. As Senior Guardsman Klbkch, I will vouch for my partner to take this Human into custody for unlawful practices which include extortion, theft, and intimidation, which we have every right to suspect, with or without your testimony.”

“Please forgive my rudeness. Are you well? We doubled back and lingered, knowing the criminal may have only pretended to flee the area. Are you hurt or in need of assistance?”

“Regardless of your affiliation to any academy, you are still under arrest. Please surrender now or I will be forced to employ lethal force.”

“That is well. Then, please stand clear. We will be going about our business, and I would not wish you hurt.”

“Wait—what did she just say? Jurisdic—we don’t do that, do we, Klb? Buddy?”

“Do not mind him. You are within your rights to enforce law within this establishment as you choose. I apologize for the mess on both our behalves.”

“They lied to me.”

“And a sword. I need a sword. And a shield? And armor? And, uh, anti-Goblin spray? Oh, and books! Tons of books. Maps, history books…can I read any of that? Well, Relc and Klbkch speak English. So that’s weird too. And I need bandages, a sewing needle, someone to teach me how to sew…”

“…Right. It’s just that I’m new here. And I’m Human. Nice to meet you. My name is Erin. I, uh, know another guy who works with you. Relc? And Klb…Klb…the insect guy? So yeah. They know me. I’m no threat. And, uh, I saw some Goblins running around a while back. They’re not here right now, but I felt you should know.”

“Hey, I’m telling the truth here. Little Miss Human isn’t that bad. You should meet her. But let me tell you, she can also be pretty annoying. Remember that [Necromancer] guy I told you me and Klbkch tracked down? She wouldn’t let us kill him even after he blasted us both with a few spells. Just kept saying that he wasn’t that bad.”

“No. If Klbkch can do it, so can I. Anything that damn bug can do I can do better. But hey, what’s this about a Human? Is it that female one I was telling you about?”