“Shut up.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t have to kill her.”

“…Just let me sleep.”

“She was quite interesting in any case. It was pleasant talking to her.”

“Indeed.”

“Good evening, Miss Human. I was wondering if my colleague and I could take up a moment of your time—”

“You idiot. I told you this is why I should have opened the door.”

“Maybe it was a bad time?”

“Move over. Let me show you how it’s done.”

“Hello, Miss. Sorry if we—”

“Good job not scaring her.”

“Shut up. This is your fault. I told you I should go first. I’m not a horrific Ant.”

“Yes, but I have my badge on. You have not brought yours. Again. For the eighth day in a row. Therefore, I was the most logical choice to—”

“Now what? I do not believe breaking and entering would be appropriate at this moment.”

“What, are you crazy? Let me talk. That was just a misunderstanding caused by seeing your face. I’ll straighten all this out.”

“Hello? Miss? We’re not dangerous.”

“…Are you a Dragon?”

“Am I a Dragon? Aha. Haha. Well, that’s just—oh, Ancestors bite me. I mean, do I look like one? I’m not even Oldblood, but maybe I do. Klb, buddy, what do you think?”

“You are blushing.”

“Be quiet. I’m in a good mood now.”

“Excuse me? I’m not a Dragon, Miss Human. I’m just an incredible Drake in service to the City Watch. Me and my idiot partner were on patrol when we noticed the smoke. May we come in? I promise we won’t bite.”

“Or inflict other forms of bodily or mental harm upon you.”

“Shut up. Are you trying to scare her?”

“Um. Give me a moment. I’ll open this door.”

“Thank you very much.”

“…Hi.”

“Sorry, sorry, Miss. We’re not here to hurt you, I promise.”

“W-want something to eat?”

“Um, sure.”

“Good evening.”

“Food’s over there.”

“I would gladly partake of nourishment if offered. However, we would not wish to deprive you of your meal.”

“Let me just get a plate and…forks. Do you, uh, want a drink? I’ve got water.”

“I will accept the pasta and water as well. But may I inquire if you have any more meat-based dishes? Corusdeer, perhaps?”

“A pity.”

“Oh, thank you. It’s…blue.”

“Well, I’ll gladly accept. Klbkch, you want any?”

“In a moment. Let’s eat first. This looks good!”

“…So someone on the walls spotted the smoke and called it in. Since it didn’t seem like a grassfire and since we knew this place was abandoned years ago, the Captain decided to send someone to check it out.”

“That’s what I said.”

“See, this. This is why no one else is willing to be your partner. Along with you being, y’know, you.”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

“Me? Hi, yes, me.”

“What? Oh, it’s no problem. Ask away.”

“I’m from Michigan.”

“Uh. No. It’s a bit further than that.”

“No, actually I got lost and—this is stupid. Why am I making excuses?”

“Look. It’s complicated, and I can’t really explain. But would you believe…magic? Like a crazy, crazy, uh, teleportation spell?”

“Not if they did not cause it. Intriguing. Was it a magical duel, perhaps? Some high-level spellcasting?”

“I told you. It’s flattering, but I’m not a Drag—oh.”

“Is, uh, that a bad thing? I mean, it’s a Dragon yeah, but isn’t he…?”

“It breathed at me. Fire. And then I was chased by little green men.”

“So they are Goblins. But—well, hold on—then I found a giant dino-bird—”

“A big…big leathery thing. With wings.”

“Razorbeaks. Go on, Miss.”

“Of course we wouldn’t eat you! That’s barbaric, and besides, it’s illegal. I mean, okay, sure, it happens sometimes in distant villages, but we wouldn’t do that. Right, Klbkch?”

“Your duty? You’re…guardsmen? And you…you’re K—kbch?”

“Relc!”

“Indeed. And I must apologize again, but our true intent in coming here was to ascertain the danger posed here.”

“Not you, specifically. Really, it could be anything. We thought it might be a random fire or a few Goblins. If there were some stupid kids, on the other hand, we’d be dragging them back right now since it’s dangerous to stay here. Bandits on the other hand…”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with you staying here. Aside from dying, that is.”

“It’s just a possibility. This, uh, place is sort of bad. For your health.”

“So am I going to die by puking out my guts or something?”

“Why don’t you shut up and let me talk? Look, Miss Human. You’re probably not sick if you’re still walking around.”

“We’re still cool, right?”

“What, this? It’s nothing, it—”

“Okay. That’s great.”

“…Hi.”

“Ooh! Pasta! This is good stuff!”

“What? No. I’ve got lots of pasta.”

“I’ll have a glass if that’s alright.”

“…No. No I do not.”

“Here. Uh, I’ve got juice as well. Want a glass?”

“Yeah. I made it myself. It tastes good, really.”

“I will pass for the moment. We should get down to business rather than partake of food.”

“…Are you sure you’re not a Dragon?”

“To put it succinctly: we saw the fire and decided to investigate.”

“You said it poorly. I am merely rephrasing your words for the benefit of all.”

“Your hurtful remarks are unnecessary. Besides which, I believe we are getting off track. We are in the presence of a member of the general public, remember.”

“Miss?”

“Sorry, but can we ask you a few questions about where you’re from? It’s pretty odd to find a Human out here, let alone in an abandoned place like this. Not that we mean to pry, it’s just that it’s kind of our job to ask these questions.”

“Well, to begin with, may we inquire where you come from?”

“Michigan? I’m not familiar with that city. Or is it a nation…? Is that north of here? Over the mountains, maybe? On this continent?”

“Oh, so are you…lost? Or travelling maybe?”

“Um, I don’t know?”

“Oh, a [Teleportation] spell? Was it a misfire or did someone target you? That’s a Mage’s Guild issue.”

“Um. I didn’t see anything when it happened. I just sort of turned the corner and—look, the point is I suddenly appeared around here. And then…Dragon.”

“Do you mean to say you found a Dragon? Somewhere around this area? And you—survived the encounter. Unharmed?”

“Look. It’s getting sort of embarrassing. I’m not a Dragon. I’m a Drake. And yeah, we’re distantly related cousins, but Dragons are…there’s no way. That would be huge. You said you saw one? You sure it wasn’t a Wyvern? It was probably a Wyvern.”

“Goblins. And by the way, some Wyverns breathe fire too.”

“A what?”

“Oh, right. Those annoying things. What’re they called, Klbkch?”

“Well, after I got the eggs, there was a crab rock, I mean, a rock crab, and then I found blue fruits before that and…I met you two. A not-dragon and an insect. Who don’t want to eat me? Or is that after the meal?”

“Indeed. We would not violate our duty as guardsmen.”

“Our pardons. We have not introduced ourselves. Allow me to correct this mistake. I am Klbkch, Senior Guardsman in the employ of the City of Liscor. This is my partner, also a Senior Guardsman.”

“And this blue juice tastes good!”

“From what? Me?”

“Danger? Why danger? Is there something wrong with me staying here?”

“Dying?”

“The plague. This location was once a small community until everyone here died. Horribly. Admittedly, this was a decade ago, but it was evacuated and has been condemned since then.”

“Actually, the plague symptoms manifested themselves as—”

“And not oozing.”

“Indeed. There is no law against occupying this area.”

“Right.”

“…Want another plate of pasta?”

“I will have another as well.”

“Oh, I found some flour and butter and stuff in one of the cupboards. It had a runey…thing on the shelves.”

“But you cooked it, then? Do you have levels in a [Chef] class, then?”

“Oh, I see, I see. That’s convenient. Did you earn them here?”

“Not bad! Especially if you just got here a few days ago. Did the notification wake you up right as you were falling asleep? I hate that.”

“It’s very annoying.”

“So. Leveling. Classes.”

“Right, right. Um, good to know.”

“And you’re an [Innkeeper], right? Got any other classes?”

“So four levels in…? That’s too bad. But you’re young; leveling takes time after all.”

“…You mean you don’t level in this Michigan place?”

“They have to teach Humans how to level? Weird.”

“Yes. No. Maybe? Look, I level. You level. We level. Everyone levels, right? We all can level up in, uh, classes and gain skills. How am I doing so far?”

“Um. I gained levels just from cleaning an inn. And I wasn’t an [Innkeeper] before this. So why…?”

“So…okay, let me think.”

“Hey, what did you just call—”

“What, really? How about Goblins?”

“Indeed. It is part of our shared past. Once, of course, all races fought with tooth and claw and magic, but then they divided. Those who decided to forsake their natures and pursue a different truth received the gift of leveling, while those creatures who stayed true to their nature kept the might of their natures instead. According to historical records, at least. It is the subject of some studies, but that is the consensus.”

“Hey!”

“N-name?”

“Is that wrong?”

“Sorry. Sorry about that.”

“I believe it was my turn to do that. Apologize to the Human for your rudeness.”

“Oh no, no. Please don’t do that. I didn’t know it was so rude. If I’d have known, I’d have never—there’s a big difference between lizard people and Drakes, right?”

“Shut up. I’m still sorry. But yeah, there’s a big difference. I mean, sure, Humans say we look similar, but we’re totally different. They have those neck frills, and they’re way too colorful. We build cities out of proper stone, but the Lizardfolk live near water and can breathe underwater too, some of them. They have Naga and, like, jungles in Baleros. Whereas we Drakes like drier climates. We enjoy warm sun, open spaces…”

“You’re just an overgrown ant. You be quiet. Anyways, we’re special. Those guys are just amphibians that learned to walk on two legs. We’re related to Dragons. We’ve got special powers.”

“We can breathe fire. Some of us can, at least.”

“I am sure it is.”

“See? She gets it. Told you it was cool.”

“I feel I must mention that you, personally, cannot breathe fire, Relc.”

“Only a few Drakes can do it, okay? Not breathing fire is perfectly normal. And some of us can, so there.”

“Shut up. Ahem. We were just sent here to make sure no Goblins or nasty creatures started living here. We’ve got no problem with Humans. Well, at least the non-violent kind.”

“Good. Thanks?”

“Indeed.”

“Oh, sure.”

“This really is quite good. How’d you make this all the way out here?”

“That would be a preservation spell. It is quite common among higher-class establishments.”

“Levels? Oh. No. I’ve got levels in, uh, [Innkeeper].”

“Uh, yeah. Every time I fell asleep I kept leveling. I’m, uh, level 4.”

“It did.”

“Yeah. It is.”

“What about it? Oh, are you wondering about mine? I’m a [Spearmaster]. This idiot’s a [Swordslayer]. We both have levels in [Guardsman] as well, but not nearly as much as our primary classes. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Uh—thanks. [Spearmaster]. Me. Him—[Swordslayer]. No, it’s cool. We’re [Guards]. Yeah.”

“Um, no. No.”

“Okay. Right. Um. Let’s pretend I have no idea what leveling or classes are. I’m, uh, from really far away, and we have different…traditions.”

“Oh no, no. We level, it’s just, uh, different from you guys. And I never paid much attention in school and all that…”

“That is unusual. I was under the impression levels worked uniformly across all species. However, I too understand the issues of communicating leveling and the system of classes. Even so, it is odd to think there is a nation that does not teach it in some way. Unless you are referring to a cultural difference in classes?”

“That’s pretty much how it works. What were you confused about?”

“Oh, that. New classes without an apprenticeship, you mean? Simple. You must have satisfied the requirements for the class, that’s all. I know it’s sort of weird gaining a new class suddenly, but it happens. I knew a guy who gained four levels in [Farmer] just because he kept growing carrots in pots next to his window. Not [Gardener], [Farmer]. I guess it was because he grew lots of carrots. Leveling is weird that way.”

“This is a world. Everyone levels in it. Humans, lizard people, talking insects, cats, dogs, Goblins…”

“Actually, I would like to correct you on that point. While the thinking races may level, animals and even creatures such as Dragons are not capable of leveling. Which is common knowledge.”

“They can level. Now, about what you just said. I’m not a lizard—”

“Really? So that means—”

“Um. Sorry about that. Really. But, uh, can we talk about that name?”

“Yeah. You, um, called me a lizard person, right?”

“…Yes. Yes, it is. I’m a Drake, not one of the Lizardfolk. There’s a big difference.”

“Uh, don’t apologize. Look, maybe I overreacted a bit. I’m not, uh, mad…”

“…Yeah, sorry.”

“Only a few differences, but the animosity between their cultures is—”

“Nice rocks to laze about upon while we should be performing our duties.”

“Like what?”

“What? It’s a great power!”

“Yeah. That sounds amazing. Really…really cool!”

“Yeah, it’s awesome.”

“Shut up, Klbkch!”

“Ooh, nasty. What happened there? Looks like a bad cut. Were those Goblins?”

“Please, I mean no harm. But your hand. May I see it?”

“Yeah. Um, yeah.”

“It is not an infection.”

“It is poison. Of a sort.”

“There is a fish in the rivers near here. It secretes a mucus that damages the area it touches. Such as in this case. I have seen several similar afflictions as a guardsman.”

“Please, do not be alarmed. This is treatable. Allow me.”

“Yep. Good thing it’s meant to treat light infections too. Klb, are you going to…?”

“Please, believe me. It will heal you.”

“It—it doesn’t hurt!”

“Thank you—ow!”

“No, no I’m not. And how can I—I can’t thank you enough. That—that was a healing potion, right? How can I repay you for—”

“Oh no, thank you. I mean, this is probably worth—can I get you another plate? Or—or you could come back. I’ll feed you two again if you want—”

“We wouldn’t?”

“Or, and hear me out. Or…we could have more food and stay here longer.”

“Right. Well, let’s be going. Um, sorry about that, Miss. Here, let me just pay for the food…”

“Thanks.”

“What a lonely girl.”

“I can. It’s the things on her chest.”

“Really? I thought those were birds.”

“Yeah, I’d bet on it. I’m not sure why a Human would be out here anyways, let alone in that place.”

“Shut up. She just seems lonely, that’s all. Why else would a Human female want to hang out with a Drake and an overgrown bug?”

“Even if she was, who’d hide there? You’d have to be mad, or be a [Warrior] or [Survivor] to want to live by yourself. Plus, the plague! Do I look sick? Am I oozing?”

“Bet she didn’t know. And her expression when we walked in—she’s never seen a Drake or an Ant before in her life. Well, the Ant part makes sense.”

“What do you think? I bet she’s some kind of runaway or a child that got separated from her clan. Do Humans have clans? Or is it all [Lords] and [Ladies]? Maybe she’s not even from this continent.”

“Her being a runaway would be most likely. I find it hard to believe any Human would wander so far into the grasslands by accident, and she did not seem to be looking for directions. Her magical teleportation story is also possible, but why would she not have asked to be taken to the Mage’s Guild? It is clearly a cover story.”

“You are correct in at least one definition of the word. But speculation is pointless in any case. We investigated the smoke, and now we can make our report. She is not breaking the law since the inn was abandoned nearly ten years ago.”

“She was not lying, at least not intentionally. But it is possible she was mistaken.”

“It seems more likely that she was hallucinating. However…she may have run into a fire-breathing salamander. I cannot imagine she would survive an encounter with a real Dragon. Armies would not.”

“…Indeed.”

“That was my assessment.”

“Agreed. And it is very restful. You should attempt it sometime.”

“So, shall we return tomorrow?”

“Again, apologies. But could I trouble you to remove the bandage?”

“It—sorry, it’s a mess. I cut my hand, and I guess it just got infected, but—”

“What?”

“You sure? It doesn’t feel like—”

“You have? I mean, it’s not an infection?”

“This is a low-grade healing potion. If you pour it over your injury, it should heal your affliction.”

“This is—I mean, is it safe? For Humans?”

“Are you alright?”

“Of course not. Why would anyone make a healing potion that hurts when you use it? But look at that!”

“Apologies. It is unwise to hug those with exoskeletons. Please, are you hurt?”

“Please, it was nothing. That was merely a low-grade healing potion of no great worth. Let us call it payment for the meal. Unless, of course, you object?”

“I will accept gladly. But for now I am full, and I believe it is time to be going. We would not wish to intrude upon your hospitality for too long.”

“We are still on duty, if you recall. The Captain will be expecting a report. If we do return, we will have more time to socialize.”

“I am sure you would prefer that. But we are being paid to work, not to enjoy ourselves. Moreover, you are eating all of this Human’s dinner.”

“I insist. That blue drink is really good, by the way.”

“Well, we’ll be off then. Good night to you.”

“Is she female? I could not tell with complete accuracy. She sounded so, but I have met few Humans in social settings.”

“Mammary glands? Breasts, I think they’re referred to. Or maybe the word is tits.”

“That is what I heard some small Humans saying once. But she’s female. And young, correct?”

“Inquiring into others’ personal affairs is only a matter for the Guards while we’re on duty. Respecting another’s personal space is a principle of social interaction.”

“Do you believe she is a lawbreaker or fearful for her life?”

“It was almost certainly safe as I and Watch Captain Zevara assured you repeatedly, Relc. Besides, that young woman’s presence is proof enough. She would be dead within the day if the disease were still present.”

“I would prefer that you call my species by their proper name.”

“Fine. Antinium. Happy?”

“Bastard.”

“What about the Dragon? Do you think she made that up?”

“Yeah. A Dragon? Really?”

“Plus, we’d know if a Dragon lived around here. They’re pretty obvious.”

“So…scared Human female? Not a threat? Probably a traveller? Makes good pasta?”

“Right, right. Let’s tell the Captain and get some sleep. Or rather, I’ll sleep and you do—whatever Ants do to sleep. Sitting-sleeping or whatever.”

“Pass.”

“Oh, definitely. Right after work?”

“Klb! That’s so devious! We can waste hours and say it was all an investigation! Now you’re thinking like a Drake!”

“Go roast yourself.”

“Would you have had me tell her the true value?”

“…Perhaps.”

“We may be able to fit checking in there as part of our duties if we convince the Captain it is necessary.”

“I will endeavor not to in the future.”

“So, a lesser healing potion of no worth, huh? You know, I’ve never heard you lie like that.”

“No, no. It’s for the best. Mind you, I think she figured it out.”

“How are you going to explain that to the Captain, huh? That’s supposed to be special-issue. We won’t even get another shipment of that quality for months, probably! All the way from Pallass once the Blood Fields are frozen.”

“You’re a regular do-gooder, huh? Trying to level up your…[Good Person] class? Is that a class?”

“Sure, suuuure you were.”

“Me? I don’t like Humans. They’re scaleless, hairy, and they smell funny. I mean, this one’s nice, but I definitely wouldn’t want to see what it looks like under those clothes.”

“Ew.”

“—It’s not that I’m not interested. I have an open mind! I wouldn’t mind looking. If I was offered. They’ve got nothing on good scales, but I could get over the fleshiness. Maybe.”

“I did not believe a lesser one would be worth the risk. I shall make do with a replacement, and I will deduct the cost from my pay. Besides which, it was used to protect a civilian.”

“You know fully well that I have no levels in any class of the kind. I was merely being kind.”

“I have no sexual attraction towards Humans. Unlike you.”

“Mm. It’s not very interesting. They are very fleshy.”

“Indeed.”

“Deviant.”