Quotes featuring Relc
361 quotes (259 spoken, 102 mentions)
“Not a full one, and that’s not our call. I’ll tell the Captain. You just keep an eye on it. I think she’ll put our best patrol on it. Punishment detail for breaking all those windows yesterday.”
“Ooh. I’d hate to be Relc. Klbkch didn’t do anything, though. But he’s…eugh.”
“Um, I don’t know?”
“Um, sure.”
“Sorry, but can we ask you a few questions about where you’re from? It’s pretty odd to find a Human out here, let alone in an abandoned place like this. Not that we mean to pry, it’s just that it’s kind of our job to ask these questions.”
“Right.”
“Not bad! Especially if you just got here a few days ago. Did the notification wake you up right as you were falling asleep? I hate that.”
“And you’re an [Innkeeper], right? Got any other classes?”
“I feel I must mention that you, personally, cannot breathe fire, Relc.”
“We wouldn’t?”
“Really? I thought those were birds.”
“But you cooked it, then? Do you have levels in a [Chef] class, then?”
“…You mean you don’t level in this Michigan place?”
“Yeah. You, um, called me a lizard person, right?”
“You’re just an overgrown ant. You be quiet. Anyways, we’re special. Those guys are just amphibians that learned to walk on two legs. We’re related to Dragons. We’ve got special powers.”
“Ooh, nasty. What happened there? Looks like a bad cut. Were those Goblins?”
“Of course not. Why would anyone make a healing potion that hurts when you use it? But look at that!”
“What a lonely girl.”
“A Dragon? Really?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t have to kill her.”
“Hello? Miss? We’re not dangerous.”
“…So someone on the walls spotted the smoke and called it in. Since it didn’t seem like a grassfire and since we knew this place was abandoned years ago, the Captain decided to send someone to check it out.”
“Is, uh, that a bad thing? I mean, it’s a Dragon yeah, but isn’t he…?”
“What about it? Oh, are you wondering about mine? I’m a [Spearmaster]. This idiot’s a [Swordslayer]. We both have levels in [Guardsman] as well, but not nearly as much as our primary classes. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Klb! That’s so devious! We can waste hours and say it was all an investigation! Now you’re thinking like a Drake!”
“Relc!”
“Move over. Let me show you how it’s done.”
“…Are you a Dragon?”
“Hello, Miss. Sorry if we—”
“Am I a Dragon? Aha. Haha. Well, that’s just—oh, Ancestors bite me. I mean, do I look like one? I’m not even Oldblood, but maybe I do. Klb, buddy, what do you think?”
“I told you. It’s flattering, but I’m not a Drag—oh.”
“Oh, definitely. Right after work?”
“Good job not scaring her.”
“You are blushing.”
“Go roast yourself.”
“Sorry, sorry, Miss. We’re not here to hurt you, I promise.”
“You said it poorly. I am merely rephrasing your words for the benefit of all.”
“Oh, a [Teleportation] spell? Was it a misfire or did someone target you? That’s a Mage’s Guild issue.”
“Goblins. And by the way, some Wyverns breathe fire too.”
“Shut up. This is your fault. I told you I should go first. I’m not a horrific Ant.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry.”
“Yes, but I have my badge on. You have not brought yours. Again. For the eighth day in a row. Therefore, I was the most logical choice to—”
“Be quiet. I’m in a good mood now.”
“W-want something to eat?”
“Well, I’ll gladly accept. Klbkch, you want any?”
“See, this. This is why no one else is willing to be your partner. Along with you being, y’know, you.”
“Well, there’s nothing wrong with you staying here. Aside from dying, that is.”
“Excuse me? I’m not a Dragon, Miss Human. I’m just an incredible Drake in service to the City Watch. Me and my idiot partner were on patrol when we noticed the smoke. May we come in? I promise we won’t bite.”
“Ooh! Pasta! This is good stuff!”
“I’ll have a glass if that’s alright.”
“Your hurtful remarks are unnecessary. Besides which, I believe we are getting off track. We are in the presence of a member of the general public, remember.”
“Michigan? I’m not familiar with that city. Or is it a nation…? Is that north of here? Over the mountains, maybe? On this continent?”
“A what?”
“Our pardons. We have not introduced ourselves. Allow me to correct this mistake. I am Klbkch, Senior Guardsman in the employ of the City of Liscor. This is my partner, also a Senior Guardsman.”
“It’s very annoying.”
“So four levels in…? That’s too bad. But you’re young; leveling takes time after all.”
“Um. Sorry about that. Really. But, uh, can we talk about that name?”
“Shut up. I’m still sorry. But yeah, there’s a big difference. I mean, sure, Humans say we look similar, but we’re totally different. They have those neck frills, and they’re way too colorful. We build cities out of proper stone, but the Lizardfolk live near water and can breathe underwater too, some of them. They have Naga and, like, jungles in Baleros. Whereas we Drakes like drier climates. We enjoy warm sun, open spaces…”
“Only a few Drakes can do it, okay? Not breathing fire is perfectly normal. And some of us can, so there.”
“Or, and hear me out. Or…we could have more food and stay here longer.”
“So, a lesser healing potion of no worth, huh? You know, I’ve never heard you lie like that.”
“Oh, thank you. It’s…blue.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Of course we wouldn’t eat you! That’s barbaric, and besides, it’s illegal. I mean, okay, sure, it happens sometimes in distant villages, but we wouldn’t do that. Right, Klbkch?”
“Not you, specifically. Really, it could be anything. We thought it might be a random fire or a few Goblins. If there were some stupid kids, on the other hand, we’d be dragging them back right now since it’s dangerous to stay here. Bandits on the other hand…”
“Why don’t you shut up and let me talk? Look, Miss Human. You’re probably not sick if you’re still walking around.”
“Oh, sure.”
“Uh—thanks. [Spearmaster]. Me. Him—[Swordslayer]. No, it’s cool. We’re [Guards]. Yeah.”
“They can level. Now, about what you just said. I’m not a lizard—”
“I believe it was my turn to do that. Apologize to the Human for your rudeness.”
“What? It’s a great power!”
“You’re a regular do-gooder, huh? Trying to level up your…[Good Person] class? Is that a class?”
“Look. It’s getting sort of embarrassing. I’m not a Dragon. I’m a Drake. And yeah, we’re distantly related cousins, but Dragons are…there’s no way. That would be huge. You said you saw one? You sure it wasn’t a Wyvern? It was probably a Wyvern.”
“Well, after I got the eggs, there was a crab rock, I mean, a rock crab, and then I found blue fruits before that and…I met you two. A not-dragon and an insect. Who don’t want to eat me? Or is that after the meal?”
“Oh, I see, I see. That’s convenient. Did you earn them here?”
“They have to teach Humans how to level? Weird.”
“…Yes. Yes, it is. I’m a Drake, not one of the Lizardfolk. There’s a big difference.”
“We can breathe fire. Some of us can, at least.”
“I can. It’s the things on her chest.”
“You know fully well that I have no levels in any class of the kind. I was merely being kind.”
“It’s just a possibility. This, uh, place is sort of bad. For your health.”
“Oh, that. New classes without an apprenticeship, you mean? Simple. You must have satisfied the requirements for the class, that’s all. I know it’s sort of weird gaining a new class suddenly, but it happens. I knew a guy who gained four levels in [Farmer] just because he kept growing carrots in pots next to his window. Not [Gardener], [Farmer]. I guess it was because he grew lots of carrots. Leveling is weird that way.”
“We’re still cool, right?”
“I am sure you would prefer that. But we are being paid to work, not to enjoy ourselves. Moreover, you are eating all of this Human’s dinner.”
“Fine. Antinium. Happy?”
“I have no sexual attraction towards Humans. Unlike you.”
“You idiot. I told you this is why I should have opened the door.”
“What, are you crazy? Let me talk. That was just a misunderstanding caused by seeing your face. I’ll straighten all this out.”
“Shut up. Are you trying to scare her?”
“In a moment. Let’s eat first. This looks good!”
“Good evening, Miss Human. I was wondering if my colleague and I could take up a moment of your time—”
“…Are you sure you’re not a Dragon?”
“Shut up. Ahem. We were just sent here to make sure no Goblins or nasty creatures started living here. We’ve got no problem with Humans. Well, at least the non-violent kind.”
“This really is quite good. How’d you make this all the way out here?”
“That’s pretty much how it works. What were you confused about?”
“Hey!”
“Shut up, Klbkch!”
“Yep. Good thing it’s meant to treat light infections too. Klb, are you going to…?”
“Shut up. She just seems lonely, that’s all. Why else would a Human female want to hang out with a Drake and an overgrown bug?”
“Miss?”
“Oh, so are you…lost? Or travelling maybe?”
“Oh, right. Those annoying things. What’re they called, Klbkch?”
“And this blue juice tastes good!”
“I know, I know. But I was going to eat more pasta and—”
“Great. Thanks. Now, wanna go check on that Human? I hear—”
“There. I have signed us both out. Again.”
“A pity. Let’s be on our way.”
“Don’t insult the Watch Captain while we are within earshot.”
“What a pain. Let’s smack some scales-for-brains quick. Maybe we’ll still have time to go to the inn afterwards.”
“She can eat my scales. Let’s go and get this over with.”
“…Jerk.”
“Alright, let’s go. Man, I really hate Captain Z.”
“Huh. Can Goblins smell poison? Wait…wait. That Relc guy said they have Skills. Do you get Skills to tell if there’s bad fruits? [Bad Fruit Detector]? No way.”
“What? Some idiot had to start a fight now of all times? We were going to go back and—”
“Klbkch and…Drake Guy.”
“Are you done logging out for the day yet?”
“We’ll count your hours later, move!”
“Relc!”
“Aw.”
“They must be busy.”
“Shut up and get moving! I need everyone there, now.”
“They said they’d visit. But did they mean that or are they busy? Either way, I can always make more pasta and save some for later, right?”
“But—we’re signed out—”
“Senior Guardsman Relc, belay that! There’s a brawl in the marketplace. Get over there and stop the fighting!”
“You know we will be called upon to go after those who got away. And there is damage assessment, guard detail, investigating any burglaries during the violence…”
“After you.”
“That’s quite useful! Most craftsman and artisan classes get that early on. I guess [Innkeepers] are sorta like that, right? Got to take care of the inn, repair windows, fix tables, and all that.”
“What? Oh no, that’s just Pisces. He’s annoying, so ignore him.”
“I would be delighted to try the blue fruit. I believe my tongue-tied partner would like some as well.”
“What? How come you remembered this idiot’s name and not mine?”
“Ooh, pasta!”
“Well, you’ve got the Skill for it, so it’ll be a breeze. And you can buy a hammer no problem. Just head down to the city, and you can get a good one for only a silver coin or two. Tell you what, if you’re ever in the area, I’ll help you get one at a discount.”
“I believe staring is considered rude in most cultures. Sit down and cease your rudeness.”
“Right. Food. I’ll have some.”
“Really? That’s really generous. Thank you.”
“And…you let him come back for breakfast?”
“Do you want something? I don’t do magic upon request. If you seek a certain spell, I would be happy to discuss my remunerations…later.”
“Please excuse my companion’s lack of tact.”
“Aren’t I the better-looking one here? What gives?”
“So, how’re you doing? Level up again?”
“Not entirely. I do believe my companion would earn a small fee for directing any business to his associates.”
“Really?”
“Good throw, huh?”
“Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. Me and my friend here will drag you out back, beat you with sticks or rocks for a while, and then drag you back to the city for a reward. Then we’ll give half to our lovely innkeeper here. Sound good?”
“Hey, you two! Klb—Klbk? It’s been a while. I guess. But come in. Or come in more. Have a seat. Want something to eat?”
“Humans. They’re so—”
“Well…stop it.”
“Sorry. Again. But…you said rob? As in, that guy over there tried to rob you?”
“Oh. Oh. I forgot. And besides, you weren’t here yesterday.”
“Oh, but it is, it is! And you’re wrong, by the way.”
“Don’t worry, miss. We’ll do the punching outside where you don’t have to see.”
“But one you sign up for, right? I mean, sure, it’s a great job, but—it’s just a job, right?”
“Really. See, we’ve gotta get at least fifty ordinary citizens to vouch for us before we’re sworn in. And to become Senior Guardsmen like us, you’ve got to get at least four hundred. Impressive, right?”
“Last I checked, you were within arm’s reach. That means your fancy spells aren’t going to do a thing before I hit you hard enough to make your brains pop out. Trust me. I’ve done it before.”
“Right, right.”
“Less than an hour, but we won’t be able to stay. Sorry. I’ll try to get the patrol out faster, but you know how it is. We’ve got to shift around guardsmen on patrol, set trackers, get armed up, etc.”
“Do you guys want pasta or blue fruit?”
“Relc.”
“Oh.”
“Good, good.”
“Wrong? Why would it be wrong?”
“Or—or you could not. Isn’t that what nice guardsmen do? You could just arrest him and skip the punching, right?”
“It’s not just a job. It’s a highly prestigious job! Not just anyone can be part of the city guard, let alone a Senior Guard.”
“Don’t worry, Miss. He’s no threat or we’d have taken him out when we first realized who he was. He looked more dangerous than he turned out to be. You see, both of us can tell if we’re in danger or the enemy is strong. This idiot couldn’t even use [Flash Step] properly!”
“Spoken like a truly ignorant fool. What would you know of magical mastery? My powers may not lie in mere confrontation, but I assure you, I have more power in my fingernails than you have in your entire brutish body.”
“Really?”
“Ooh, congratulations! Did you get a new skill?”
“Don’t—don’t do that!”
“Ah. I see the good [Innkeeper] holds a grudge. Well, I’m not sure what she told you two, but I assure you, I have compensated her more than adequately for my…mistake. It’s nothing two soldiers need concern themselves with.”
“Oops. Sorry, did I scare you? I forgot normal people aren’t used to that. Don’t worry—I never miss when I throw.”
“Too bad!”
“Hold on, hold on. We don’t need to beat up Pisces. Like I said, he only tried to rob me. And I already hit him with a pot. What’s this about beating him up?”
“No one insults me regularly. Except Watch Captain Z and Klb, come to think of it. People like me. Everyone likes us. We’ve got a special job.”
“But he’s Human.”
“If you can.”
“Yes, yes. But we’ll just hit you and drag you back so Miss Erin doesn’t see anything nasty. But you’re in serious trouble now, Mister [Necromancer].”
“So. Does…that mean you’ll be back soon?”
“…You mean, you don’t know? By the way, things look smaller in the distance, Miss Solstice.”
“You multiplied. Can Humans do that?”
“Ah. Eh. Um, what I meant was—”
“Relc! Right, right.”
“Relc! I’ve got the name, now. And I’ve got more pasta. Well, it’s old pasta, but it still tastes good! And more blue juice. And blue fruit! It’s, uh, not poisonous if you only eat the outer bit.”
“Nice customer you’ve got here.”
“Yeah, it’s great! Hold on.”
“We’re no soldiers. We’re [Guardsmen]. And we’ve been looking for the bastard who’s been robbing homes with illusion spells.”
“Gotcha. Tried to run from me, did you? No one ever gets away.”
“Yeah, but he called me a common thug. I want to punch him for that.”
“Doesn’t stick so well on scales. Anyways, we’ve gotta pay a fine if we lose it, so why risk it, right? I only need it when I want to prove who I am or pull rank, anyways.”
“Okay, that’s it. Close your eyes, Miss—”
“I paid no attention. The plebian masses are a burden to be endured; I bear no ill will to the misinformed or ignorant for their rudeness.”
“Shut up. Do you have to ruin everything I say?”
“Sorry.”
“And you didn’t think to report him to anyone?”
“How about you do the magic spell where you turn into a monster? I’d love to see that. Or better yet, do you have a spell to get out of trouble? Because you’re going to need one now.”
“Yes, we wouldn’t want to ruin the enjoyment of mindless thugs like yourself.”
“What?”
“Look, I’m not sure what Humans do, but in our city, the city watch isn’t like mercenaries or personal bodyguards. We don’t just sign up. We have to be voted in.”
“Right. Good. Anyways, we’re the ones with weapons, and you’re just a [Mage]. Not a high-level one either or you’d be teleporting away.”
“Peh. You should drink. It’ll be the last tasty thing you eat for a long time. Actually, what am I saying? This stuff’s way too good for you. Just remember what you’re missing when we lock you away.”
“Well, well. Theft of a corpse and reanimation, no doubt. That’s another big mark on the list of charges. But necromancy, well, that also means we don’t have to bring you back alive anymore.”
“No. I’d be able to sense if he were within a few feet of me. This was an illusion spell. A damn clever one, too. He pretended he was here and walked off while we were busy chatting. Most idiot spellcasters aren’t that stealthy or…when did he creep off? Klb, it was when you let go of him! I didn’t even see the chair move—damn, the chair’s an illusion too! Normally I can hear idiots skulking around even on the battlefield! This bastard tricked me! Me!”
“Hey, you!”
“Klbkch, got anything to tie him up with?”
“Plus, we already know all about you and your crimes.”
“Do we have rules like that?”
“Well—he’s a jerk. But I mean, you’re a guardsman. Insults like that are ten a penny.”
“Signed up? Can you believe this? Humans.”
“Fascinating. But it’s still the elevated status of a common enforcer when all is said and done, isn’t it?”
“A keen observer would discern his opponent’s weaknesses and strengths and make assumptions based on their actions and ability. These two, on the other hand, are just using a Skill.”
“Relax. I would prefer not to damage this establishment. Nor would the owner or even you, I suspect.”
“What the—”
“Oh, he’s probably as dangerous as a frog in a fight. That’s not the problem.”
“So we’ve gotta go. Why? Are you worried he’ll attack you?”
“Well, yeah. Isn’t it obvious?”
“I believe Humans have more limited eyesight than you or I.”
“We’ve been looking for you, Mister Mage. Or should I say, the scary creature that threatens travellers and people living by themselves? You’ve been stealing food and money for nearly a month. There’s even a bounty on your head, which I’d love to collect.”
“Ten a what?”
“Perhaps if you explained our function more properly there would be no need for outrage. Clearly, the nature of guardspeople differs culturally. I thought Humans did it quite similarly in the north, but…elaborate, Relc.”
“Oh, good. I got worried there for a second.”
“Right, well. It’s still not—okay.”
“Pardon me. I would not dare to interrupt such august personages such as yourself. Please, proceed.”
“My scales aren’t itching, so your Human friend here isn’t that good at magic. They always itch when I’m in danger. That’s not a Skill, either. But your friend can’t even trigger my [Dangersense]. Not even a little ring.”
“You’re still under arrest. I can hit you. It’s only because I’m being considerate of Miss Solstice here that I don’t. But I will. If you don’t shut up.”
“Well, he’s right. We do have Skills. They’re part of our classes, although in my case I’ve got [Dangersense]. But I’m also a former soldier. And Klb? He’s the Slayer. We can tell you’re not hot stuff, Human.”
“Gone.”
“We thought he was just an illusionist. That’s annoying, but really all he can do is scare folks into giving him things. But a necromancer’s worse. Far worse. We could let him go if he was just a normal [Mage], but we’ve got to find him now, and he knows it.”
“Thank you for informing us of his class, Mistress Erin. Although he posed no threat to either Relc or I, he is far more dangerous than we had believed. I did not notice the illusion spell. I have grown inattentive, lax. Relc as well, but this is a critical failing on my part.”
“Humans. You’re so arrogant and crazy. It’s almost funny. If you’re so full of powerful magic, dodge this.”
“A rogue [Necromancer] on the loose does nasty things. Even a low-level one can bring down villages if you give him enough dead bodies, and they level fast when that happens. Damn, I’m not going to be the one who let the next Az’kerash get away, Klb. We’re gonna have to hunt this guy down. If we can’t catch him today, I’ll have the Captain send out multiple patrols once we get back to the city. Erin, we have to go, but I think you’re safe if that guy didn’t do anything last time.”
“The city? What about it?”
“It’s not a rock. Why are you having a hard time believing me? Can’t you see the buildings?”
“Look, the city’s that way. It’s only a twenty-minute walk, and there aren’t many monsters along the way. Besides, once you get within a few miles, the area is regularly patrolled, so you won’t have any problems. And if those idiots at the gate stop you—which they won’t—just tell them you know me.”
“Don’t be snippy. But it’s easy to spot. Look, you can even see it out the window here.”
“Don’t mind Klbkch. He’s ugly even for an ant. But you really can’t see the city from here?”
“And speaking of which…we’ve gotta go. It’s my day off, but we’ll report that annoying Human maggot-mage back at the barracks. If we move fast, we might get him before he runs too far.”
“What? That’s stupid.”
“Oh, sorry we forgot to pay. We’re in a hurry so—put it on our tab!”
“Hey, Klbkch, coming?”
“However. As Senior Guardsman Klbkch, I will vouch for my partner to take this Human into custody for unlawful practices which include extortion, theft, and intimidation, which we have every right to suspect, with or without your testimony.”
“Yes, you can. You have no cause whatsoever to arrest Pisces.”
“What? Then let’s arrest her too!”
“Stop moving! Hey!”
“Last words, [Mage]?”
“Then I’ll arrest him, and he’ll be executed tomorrow. Happy?”
“Prove. It. Can you? Is there a way to check his, uh, class?”
“Klb—help me out here!”
“That would be inadvisable, Relc. We are off-duty, and Miss Solstice has stated her case. Executing a [Mage] of Wistram might also affect the Academy’s relationship with our city. Which the Council and Watch Captain would not be happy about.”
“Gotcha!”
“He’s a criminal.”
“I believe Senior Guardsman Relc does have just cause, Miss Erin Solstice. It is true that his personal sworn testimony would be called into question if you were to speak against him. [Detect Truth] spells would settle that matter, but Relc’s history of inappropriate conduct on-and-off-duty does not help his case.”
“You take one step in the city and I’ll—I’ll—you take one step in there and I’ll do something about it. If I so much as see you on my patrol—”
“Relc never said—”
“There you are!”
“You squirming—”
“I assure you, my life is worth far more than you would ever get for me dead. This can all be solved amicably. I will fully cooperate—”
“I have only ever done what I loved. Slay me as well, you thoughtless fools. Just like all of my kind. One day—one of us will follow Az’kerash.”
“You what?”
“Hey.”
“I assure you, you will never see—”
“He didn’t want to tell you the truth! But he and I both know what happens to [Necromancers]. We—any mage possessing even a single level in the class—are all killed on sight in this part of the world! There’s no mercy for my kind here. The legacy of the Necromancer of Terandria, Az’kerash, lingers. Especially here, where his armies once sieged Liscor.”
“Cooperate?”
“Nice last words. But remember—your Necromancer died here. Miles from this very spot. The Tidebreaker was his end.”
“He hit me with lightning!”
“Then go. Now.”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
“By that? You think a piddly little [Barrier of Air] spell is going to stop me?”
“I can’t believe this. Are you defending him? Because he’s Human? Or do you not want the blood in here? In that case, I’ll take him out back and—”
“Can she?”
“Absolutely.”
“Do not mind him. You are within your rights to enforce law within this establishment as you choose. I apologize for the mess on both our behalves.”
“I will cease all magic and go with you quietly if you assure my life. I meant no harm to you or your companion. But we are at an impasse until you do.”
“You punched his brains out! That’s not enough to kill him over!”
“You can’t do that!”
“Are you serious? One word to our Watch Captain and she’ll send a patrol back to capture this idiot! And if we don’t arrest him, you have a [Necromancer] running around! You want us to let him go knowing his class?”
“Humans!”
“I could still arrest him for attacking me. Yeah. I’ll just do that. Who cares about testimony or whatever?”
“That’s what I think of your spells. I’m a former soldier of the 4th Wing of the Liscorian Army. I’ve killed more [Mages] than you have levels. Now, are you going to die quiet or will I have to pay for painting the walls red with your blood?”
“Are you stupid? I don’t want anyone killing anyone! You can’t do it! I forbid it! It’s wrong! It’s illegal.”
“Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, this is outside your jurisdiction! You said it yourself—you don’t patrol my inn! Therefore, it is my inn, and I deny your city’s authority here!”
“I was, in fact, upstairs the entire time. Under a bed. It was the simplest solution given the intelligence of those two brutish guardsmen.”
“Klb! Get over here and help! This guy’s slipperier than he looks!”
“Still don’t care. I don’t need money if I can get rid of a stinking fleshbag like you.”
“In point of fact, my comrade’s actions are not—”
“Prove it.”
“No, I can’t.”
“…I believe I am incorrect. Relc, the Watch has no authority here. This is an independent inn, and the [Innkeeper] is allowed to deny our authority here.”
“Wait—what did she just say? Jurisdic—we don’t do that, do we, Klb? Buddy?”
“You do that—and I’ll tell all the people who vouched for you that Senior Guardsman Relc arrested someone after a fight he started. You have no proof, no testimony, and I’m pretty sure if you arrest him, that’s illegal. There are laws, and you have to follow them. If this isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this, you could get a permanent citation on your record.”
“But he’s still a [Necromancer]! That’s a crime no matter what he does! And he attacked us!”
“Not likely. I’m gutting you like a fish right here.”
“But he’s—”
“…Right. It’s just that I’m new here. And I’m Human. Nice to meet you. My name is Erin. I, uh, know another guy who works with you. Relc? And Klb…Klb…the insect guy? So yeah. They know me. I’m no threat. And, uh, I saw some Goblins running around a while back. They’re not here right now, but I felt you should know.”
“They lied to me.”
“Yeah, you get used to that.”
“I know!”
“[Iron Scales].”
“I’ll bet. No wonder you don’t worry about hurting yourself, you smooth-scaled bastard.”
“No. If Klbkch can do it, so can I. Anything that damn bug can do I can do better. But hey, what’s this about a Human? Is it that female one I was telling you about?”
“Still, she’s interesting. Erin, or whatever her name is. She makes a mean plate of pasta, let me tell you. And she’s tougher than she looks—I didn’t think any Human could survive out in the Floodplains that long. She’s funny too.”
“They’re interesting and entertaining, but they don’t have much inside their fleshy heads. I’d never trust a Human to have my back. Drakes stick together and Humans do their thing in the north, am I right?”
“Dunno. She must’ve walked in while you were talking.”
“Right at the start. Did you see her expression? Relc’s not gonna have an easy time explaining that.”
“Disgusting. Why’s Relc interested in one anyways?”
“Hey! Miss Erin! Wait!”
“Look, I know I was sort of—okay, I was rude, but let’s talk. Hello? Are you listening?”
“It’s not often I get to rescue a damsel in distress. That’s what they call Human females, right? Damsels? Anyways, I saw you were in trouble, so I immediately rushed to help.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Right, right. But, uh, good to see you made it to the city. So how’d you like it?”
“Really? What kind of rotscale sold you—why did you spend that much money?”
“Look, I’m still really sorry about before. I didn’t mean—well, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“Hey Relc. I hear there’s a Human wandering around the city.”
“Hello there, Miss Erin. Fancy meeting you here.”
“That explains everything. What kind of level do you have to be to get that, anyways? No one else has it, so it must be high level.”
“Now, now. Don’t be jealous.”
“That’s her.”
“Hey, I’m telling the truth here. Little Miss Human isn’t that bad. You should meet her. But let me tell you, she can also be pretty annoying. Remember that [Necromancer] guy I told you me and Klbkch tracked down? She wouldn’t let us kill him even after he blasted us both with a few spells. Just kept saying that he wasn’t that bad.”
“Oh.”
“That looks heavy. Here, let me carry it for you.”
“Oh, bite me.”
“Serves him right. But did you smell her?”
“Oh come on. Please?”
“Oh come on. Don’t be like that. I just—well, it was just me being careless, alright? Let’s talk. Please?”
“But that’s what you think.”
“What, really?”
“You sure? I can carry it in—”
“Thanks for helping. With the Goblins.”
“Ow.”
“It is.”
“Too bad I never got any dagger skills. I can’t understand how this stupid flipping works.”
“Um. I—”
“Hey, Miss Human! Wait! I didn’t mean it!”
“So, how’s my favorite Human doing? Good? Bad? Um. I, uh, don’t suppose you heard what I was saying. It was just a joke, really. I didn’t mean…”
“Hey! Slither off, you little bastards!”
“Sausages. Mm. But hey, why didn’t you buy any clothes? I thought all females loved clothes, Drake or Human.”
“Got you bastards. You can’t run from Relc! Damn, I thought there were three of you? Whatever. If Erin doesn’t love this—now I need to find some wood. Damn. I should be having dinner!”
“Until later, Miss Erin.”
“Two coppers per ear…nah. Stick. Stick. You’ve gotta put them on sticks and—you know what? She can figure out how she wants to mount them.”
“Okay, okay. So they weren’t that dangerous. And I was just doing my job; true. But I am sorry. Really. I said too much back there.”
“Look. I’m very sorry, Miss Erin. Let me carry your bag. It must be quite heavy, and this way we can talk without one of us falling over.”
“You’ve got no talent for that game. If you didn’t have [Thick Scales], you’d have cut your hand off years ago.”
“So. You bought food, huh? Making lots of pasta tonight?”
“Good, good.”
“No. I mean, there’s food in here, but that’s only a few silver coins at best. I’m sure you had more than that, right? How much did you spend?”
“Right, right. Well, if you remembered his face, I could find who sold you all that, but I doubt anyone’d bear witness against him. And there’s not much for me to go on. I mean, he sold you overpriced goods but it was your fault as well. No offense meant, Miss, but how’d you trade a gold coin for a sack or two of flour?”
“It was nothing. They’re no threat to me or anyone with a few levels in any warrior class. But don’t worry about those pests. I said I’d make it up to you, didn’t I? I’ll do something about them.”
“Then stop flipping. It’s annoying, and you keep nearly hitting people. Remember poor Tkrn the day he signed up? He still flinches whenever he sees a dagger.”
“Um. Erin something. Sol? Solace? It was something like that. Erin Solace? Did he mention anything else about her?”
“How long was she here?”
“Search me. Maybe it’s just Relc. He’s weird.”
“I really didn’t mean it. It’s just—[Necromancers], y’know? They’re dangerous. And it’s best to kill them on sight. You ever seen a thousand zombies trying to eat anything in sight? Even if they’re low-level, even if they play nice, I could never trust a [Necromancer].”
“It was the last skill I got from my [Sergeant] class. I think you get it in [Spearmaster] as well, but I don’t know. Either way, it’s a life-saver.”
“So.”
“Who the hell—oh. It’s you.”
“Sorry about that, Miss Erin. You see, I was just disposing of the Goblins. Call it me making up for yesterday. But now that they’re gone, the others should leave you alone, especially once I set these up around the inn. Uh, do you have any sticks? I need some sticks or something.”
“Good morning, Miss Human! It’s me, your favorite [Guardsman]! And how are you doing this fine morning?”